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Wednesday, March 18, 2020 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon
FOSTERING: Serving
children in need
is a calling
Continued from page 1
convinced to foster two boys.
This inspired Souza to com-
mit to 30 hours of certifica-
tion training to become a fos-
ter parent. That was in 2002,
and the number of foster chil-
dren grew.
After moving to their
Camp Sherman home almost
three years ago, the couple
picked up where they had left
off with children services in
California.
They have four of their
own children, the older three
now adults. Yet, every foster
child is considered their own
child for as long as the child
is with them. The program is
designed to be a temporary
guardianship for children in
need.
There is a sparkle in
Souza9s eyes when she recalls
the children who have come
to their home. She feels like
she learns something new
from every child they host.
<I want them to first
understand that they can
walk with me and talk with
me,= she said.
Their own son, 13-year-
old Jojo, is a valuable asset
in welcoming and support-
ing his foster siblings, with a
special enthusiasm to help in
any way he can.
<We had a foster infant
when Jojo was seven years
old. While I was cooking
dinner, JoJo explained that he
had changed the child9s dia-
per and burped him. That9s
the kind of asset he is, with a
pleasant sense of duty.=
The challenges of men-
tal and emotional problems
that come with these chil-
dren make it a constant need
for daily dedication by the
Souzas to help their charges
become secure, feel safe and
find hope in their futures. For
foster children, trust is a dif-
ficult leap.
<Sometimes the kids are
misunderstood outside the
home because they9re in a
new environment and need
time to adapt and get com-
fortable,= Souza explained.
(The diagnostic term is reac-
tive attachment disorder.)
<For instance, a lone girl
may feel left out in a house
of boys, as any solo gen-
der child could feel, before
adapting to her new family.=
The rewards come from
seeing these children grow
and become confident, espe-
cially when the Souzas hear
things such as <you9re the
only person who has even
been nice to me.=
She recalls warmly the
time she bought a purple
dress for a <daughter= for
Easter. She could see in the
young girl9s eyes the awe
over this dress, so she sur-
prised her with it. The joy
was unmistakable for a child
that had not known sup-
port that was focused on her
alone.
Souza9s husband once
said to her, <The only joy you
have is when you can help
people.= Brad is a contractor,
so he cannot invest as much
as Shellie does, but he spends
time with the children, read-
ing and doing small projects.
He also adapts his schedule
to her needs, taking time
from a job to supervise home
life when she is obliged to
accomplish things outside the
home.
<She wanted to do this,
and she9s my wife, my best
friend,= he said. <I support
her decision to make a differ-
ence for some kids.=
There can also be heart-
break when a child9s life
traumas make it too difficult
to becoming trusting and
therefore unable to accept
a new lifestyle. Yet the
She wanted to do this,
and she’s my wife, my
best friend. I support
her decision to make a
difference for some kids.
— Brad Souza
rewards override the sadness
and sense of loss the family
sometimes experiences, at
least in the Souza household.
<This is not an easy or
simple choice,= Shellie
warns. <Sometimes the kids
have problems that are too
big, and sometimes the pro-
cess in the foster system is
even more difficult. Being a
foster parent demands strong
conviction and ability to suf-
fer huge disappointment.=
It is not a job, she said, for
the faint of heart or a head in
the clouds.
She herself spent time in
a foster home as a child, so
she knows the difficulties
from both sides of the coin.
She promotes a new experi-
ence in which the kids learn
that someone is actually
listening.
So many children discover
that their lives before, in
sometimes unstable commu-
nities, <are not the only way
to live.= Souza felt that this
was the most valuable lesson
for her when she left her own
foster parents. It inspired her
to find a different way and
hopes this is what children
take from their time within
the Souza household.
Souza reports that they
have had from three to eight
foster children at one time,
and they manage to make it
work.
<People ask me if I have
favorites, and I sometimes
say it9s whoever is behaving,=
she said, laughing.
On this day without
school, the kids were out-
doors riding their bikes, pet-
ting the resident horses and
playing in the barn. Two
boys living there currently
are from a city, so the country
lifestyle is a new adventure
for them.
Sometimes the kids
are misunderstood
outside the home
because they’re in a new
environment and need
time to adapt and
get comfortable.
— Shellie Souza
The boys like school,
especially math, but their
greatest pleasure is their
swimming classes in Bend
almost every afternoon. The
seven year old had a couple
weeks of swim lessons when
he came across the pool in a
self-taught breaststroke that
even surprised the instructor.
<I didn9t teach him that,=
he exclaimed.
The girl in the household
is an avid reader who likes
teen novels and adventures,
bundled up in her private
bedroom.
<The day I met Shellie,
she took me to lunch in
Sisters and then bought me
cowboy boots,= she said.
<This is one of the best foster
homes I have been in.=
The Souzas have learned
that most of the children who
have lived with them do not
tend to keep in touch after
they either return home or go
to a new home.
<It is understandable that
they want to invest them-
selves in a return to their for-
mer home or concentrate on
the next new thing,= Shellie
said.
However, a former fos-
ter child in the home, who
remains a good friend of
Jojo9s, described Shellie this
way: <This house was great.
She took care of me and my
sister. She just kept being
nice. She just really cares for
all of us.=
Regardless of the out-
comes, what is happening in
the Souza home is a chance
for hope in young children.
Their futures are depen-
dent on their own choices,
and that is a message the
Souzas want to help them
learn.
There is always a short-
age of available foster par-
ents in nearly every state,
Oregon included. The
Oregon Department of
Human Services has infor-
mation about the program on
its webpage: oregon.gov/dhs/
children/fostercare.
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