Wednesday, April 3, 2019 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon
Of a certain
AGE
Sue Stafford
Columnist
Being vulnerable
How do you know when
you9re old? When the person
looking back at you in the
mirror has wrinkles and gray
hair? Maybe a medical con-
dition signals the advance-
ment of years 4 arthritis,
forgetfulness, joint replace-
ment or repair, failing eye-
sight, or congestive heart
failure.
You may catch yourself
reading the obituaries more
frequently and more thor-
oughly. Funerals and memo-
rial services for friends and
family become a more fre-
quent occurrence. Maybe
you9ve taken to wearing
more purple and consider-
ing that red hat in the store
window.
Whatever the clues have
been for you, it9s usually a
gradual process in which you
morph over time from that
energetic, motivated, busy
50-year old to a mellower,
more thoughtful version of
yourself, who remembers
with fondness those long-
time friends who <knew you
when,= and, if you9re lucky,
are still there as the keepers
of all that you have been and
done.
I am very fortunate to
have a handful of men and
women whom I have known
my entire life. This is the
year we are all turning 75
and each one9s birthday is
an opportunity to reflect on a
lifetime of shared memories,
love, and caring. As I have
been sending birthday saluta-
tions to friends, I realize we
are at the three-quarters-of-a-
century mark and reflect on
all we9ve accomplished since
our early days of childhood.
For the past few years,
my aging body and declin-
ing physical abilities have
served as reminders that the
end is much closer than the
long-ago beginning. I9ve
never feared dying, and my
work with hospice only gave
me a greater appreciation for
this grand adventure called
life.
What I have feared is the
steady reduction of finan-
cial resources, which defi-
nitely contributes to a sense
of vulnerability. Needing
to hire someone to do all
those things I have previ-
ously taken care of myself is
not always fiscally possible.
Repairs get left undone and
my sense of competence and
independence dwindles.
This past year the idea
that I am <getting older= has
been front and center in my
thinking, rather than a faint
awareness tucked comfort-
ably in the background. Last
month, as I shoveled snow
in my backyard to clear a
path for the propane deliv-
ery man to get to my com-
pletely empty tank, a bolt
of awareness hit me when
I misstepped and ended
up squatting in snow that
held me captive. Even with
my shovel as a stabilizer,
my legs betrayed me and I
couldn9t stand up.
In that instant, <getting
older= changed from a vague
concept into harsh reality.
There are things in my life,
and the way I live it, that
have changed. The questions
of <can= I still be climbing
up on the ladder to clean
the gutters has changed to
<should= I? How much risk
is reasonable to take?
The exertion it took to
force my way out of the
snow left me shaking and
feeling physically sick.
Okay, time to say uncle. I
went in the house and called
my son in Bend who is my
go-to handyman.
Undoubtedly, the fact
that my son and his wife left
two days later to move to
Phoenix has influenced my
sense of vulnerability. Josh
has been my backup, my
emergency contact, my secu-
rity in just knowing he was
there the last two years. In
the past, having neither son
nearby was no big deal but
this move felt very different
4 and that surprised me.
Something switched in
my being at that moment and
I thought, <I9m old,= as tears
welled. Not 85 or 90, but
certainly a long way from
older middle-age.
Something freeing has
occurred in my soul since
my icy struggle. I have given
myself permission to not
place unrealistic expecta-
tions on myself. Instead of
mentally berating myself
if I fall asleep watching the
news, I am happy to have had
a little nap and glad I missed
The Locals’
Choice for
Service with
a Smile!
The Hair Caché
7
some of the contentious,
depressing news stories.
I am acknowledging all
the good work I have done in
my life, as a mother, thera-
pist, friend, volunteer, and
in all the various jobs and
endeavors I have undertaken
throughout my life. It9s time
to choose to do those things
I love and let go of the rest.
The way I think, what I
value, and how I choose to
spend my time has definitely
changed, as have my physi-
cal abilities.
Perhaps one of the most
important recent changes
has been how I view vul-
nerability: not as weakness
to avoid or deny or fear.
Rather, I choose to embrace
vulnerability as making me
more approachable, more
willing to ask for and allow
others to help me, a falling
away of armor built up over
a lifetime of challenges and
successes. Being vulnerable
allows me to let more good
in and let more good out.
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