22
Wednesday, February 13, 2019 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon
How to be a great sports parent
Parents can have a tremendous positive role in their child9s
athletic career 4 or make them miserable. In recent years,
more and more emphasis has been placed on identifying best
practices for parents of student athletes.
• RELEASE YOUR CHILD TO THE GAME
Bruce Brown, founding partner of Proactive Coaching,
urges parents to <release their child to the game.= That means
stepping back, becoming an encouraging supporter 4 and
that9s all. The game needs to belong to the athlete, not to the
parent. Support is critical, but pressure and over-involvement
are counterproductive.
Releasing your child to the game includes allowing your
child to work through problems with a coach on their own.
<It9s important that a child learns to speak to their coach
and have a direct relationship,= John O9Sullivan, founder of
Changing the Game Project, told The Nugget in 2015.
<I think a lot of times parents jump in and take that action
away from their kids... That kind of 8helicopter parenting9
leads to long-term detrimental effects 4 because you aren9t
always going to be there.=
• MODEL GOOD BEHAVIOR
Sisters High School athletics guidelines state that: <The
single most important contribution a parent can make during a
game is to model appropriate behavior. What parents need to
model more than anything is poise and confidence. If parents
expect their children to react to the ups and downs involved
in a game with poise, then they must model it.=
• GET ON THE SAME PAGE REGARDING EXPECTATIONS
Clear communication is key to a successful relationship
among student-athletes, parents and coaches. Coaches should
lay out their philosophy and expectations clearly in a pre-sea-
son meeting and provide ongoing feedback on how a player
is doing.
Perhaps most important is clear communication 4 and
congruent expectations 4 between a parent and child.
O9Sullivan notes that a parent may be frustrated and angry
that his kid isn9t playing a bigger role on a team, when the
athlete understands her role and is satisfied with it.
It is important that parents and their children share expec-
tations and goals for their participation in sports. A parent
should ask: Why do you want to play? What will make a suc-
cessful season? What role should the child play on her team?
If the answers to those questions align, great. If they differ,
Brown says, <Drop your expectations and accept theirs.=
• RESPECT COACHES’ BOUNDARIES
Coaches devote a huge amount of time to their sport.
The ability for parents to ask a question or raise a concern
instantly via text or cell phone call makes it hard for coaches
to find down time or family time. <One quick question= asked
40 times by 40 different people adds up to a lot of time and a
lot of frustration.
<Dig for information before calling or texting,= suggests
cross-country Coach Josh Nordell.
Sometimes you won9t need to call or text. And, if you do
need to communicate, perhaps 8 p.m. on a school night or on
a Sunday afternoon isn9t the best time to do it.
If there is an issue that truly needs to be addressed, sched-
ule a mutually workable time with the coach.
• TRUST THE COACH
Coaches are human and they make mistakes, but the
coaches interviewed by The Nugget emphasized that they
always do their best for all their athletes.
<Trust that I have your child9s best interests at heart,= said
Rory Rush, Outlaws volleyball coach.
An <assumption of good instead of an assumption of nega-
tive= goes a long way, Nordell noted.
• REMEMBER WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT
The stark reality is that kids have very limited athletic
careers. Facing the high cost of a college education, it9s per-
haps understandable that parents have dreams of scholarships
dancing in their heads. That can create unreasonable expecta-
tions that make their relationships with both coaches and their
kids more tense and complicated than they need to be.
Fewer than three percent of all high school athletes play
their sport in college. Only one in 10,000 high school ath-
letes gets a partial athletic scholarship. The average award is
$11,000 per year. It9s really not about a scholarship 4 much
less a pro career 4 for the vast majority of student-athletes.
What youth sports is really good for is creating an arena
where students can learn some key life lessons: the value of
hard work and preparation; teamwork; sportsmanship; facing
and overcoming challenges and developing a <never-quit=
ethic. Those are qualities most every parent hopes to instill in
their children. And every expert in the field will tell parents
that the best way they can do that is to step back, let go 4 and
show up and cheer.
COACHING:
Parents can make life
tough for coaches
Continued from page 1
Intense and constant criti-
cism, even abuse, from par-
ents 4 and parents seeking to
have coaches fired from their
positions 4 is a factor facing
coaches in Sisters, but it9s not
by any means just a Sisters
phenomenon and it doesn9t
just affect coaches. Oregon
School Activities Association
(OSAA) recently sent an
op-ed across the state (pub-
lished in The Nugget, January
23, page 22) noting that
parental behavior is driving
officials off field and court.
<According to a recent
survey by the National
Association of Sports
Officials, more than 75 per-
cent of all high school offi-
cials say 8adult behavior9 is
the primary reason they quit,=
the op-ed noted. <And 80
percent of all young officials
hang up their stripes after just
two years of whistle-blowing.
Why? They don9t need your
abuse.=
Thorson 4 and his
coaches 4 see the same phe-
nomenon and attribute it to
the expectations some par-
ents have of their children9s
sports career and the nature of
school sports programs.
<Sometimes I feel like
we9ve professionalized high
school sports,= said cross-
country Coach Josh Nordell.
Parents develop expecta-
tions based on impressions
of college or professional
programs that have vast
resources. And many parents
have invested years of effort
and considerable financial
outlay into developing their
kids9 athletic prowess. When
their high school career isn9t
going the way they9d like it
to, there is a tendency to lash
out at coaches.
<I think people want suc-
cess all the time and don9t
see the value in the struggle,=
said head football Coach Neil
PHOTO BY JERRY BALDOCK
Rory Rush works with her volleyball players.
Fendall.
And yet every coach The
Nugget interviewed empha-
sized that the struggle 4
coming together to chase a
goal and overcoming adver-
sity 4 carries by far the
greatest educational value in
athletics.
Social media can amplify
criticism and empower nega-
tive behaviors, the coaches
say.
<I feel like the age we live
in with cell phones and com-
municating behind a keyboard
hurt coaches as well, as peo-
ple are much more likely to
share their feeling to the world
when it is not done face to
face,= Thorson said. <There is
absolutely no question social
media has made it harder on
coaches. Our coaches do and
will make mistakes, as I did
as a coach and as AD, but
there seems to be much less
grace and support and much
more entitlement than 10-15
years ago.=
Fendall concurs.
<As adults, we come
unhinged so quick,= he said.
<It9s just this kind of hyper-
reactive state.=
Volleyball Coach Rory
Rush said that sometimes
social media chatter among
parents about a coach
<becomes this kind of mob
mentality.=
Parents also are far more
prone today to seek remedies
for their complaints by going
directly to administrators,
bypassing the coach. And the
coaches would like to see that
stop.
<I feel like they (adminis-
trators) try to have my back,
but I think they give parents
too much voice and don9t
always direct them back to the
coach,= Rush said.
The protocol is to work an
issue out with a coach before
moving on to the athletic
director or a principal. And as
far as Fendall is concerned,
the best educational protocol
is for the student athlete him-
self to deal directly with the
coach.
<I9d rather have the kid
come talk to me, that9s what
I9m saying,= he told The
Nugget.
And no coach wants to
hear second-guessing and
criticism yelled out from the
stands.
<Parents should be seen
and not heard at competi-
tions,= said John Sanders, a
longtime coach and athletic
director now retired in Sisters.
Cheering is fine 4 as long as
it9s positive and not yelling at
and denigrating other players,
which Sanders said he9s seen
too much of in his career.
None of this is to indicate
that coaches want to exclude
parents.
<I want parents to be
involved,= Rush said. She
just wants the relationship
between her and the players
to be the primary focus with
<parents on the journey with
us, not dictating what the
journey should be.=
WAY TO GO, OUTLAWS!
From your local Realtor, Suzanne
Real Estate, Sisters second-favorite contact sport!
Suzanne Carvlin, Broker
541-595-8707
suzanne@homeinsisters.com
