Wednesday, June 20 2018 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon
Your Story
MATTERS
Audry Van Houweling, PMHNP
Columnist
The loneliness
behind success
How do you define suc-
cess? Who or what shaped
your ideas of what success is?
Has this definition served you
not only financially, but also
spiritually and emotionally?
Our vision of success has
likely been dictated by past
experiences, relationships,
education, opportunity, cul-
ture, and the society in which
we live. In our society suc-
cess is often defined by exter-
nal accomplishments — our
bank accounts, our home,
our cars, our clothing, how
many letters we have after
our name, and how many fol-
lowers we have on our social
media accounts.
Many of us know there are
shortcomings to this model of
success, yet we nevertheless
embrace the façade day after
day.
Putting on a bit of a mas-
querade is human nature. We
all like to flaunt our stuff once
in a while or feel impressive
from time to time. Our quest
for belonging and acceptance
is part of the human experi-
ence that has roots in sur-
vival, emotional and physical
well-being.
What worries me is that
we have set the bar too high
and this has had significant
ramifications on our well-
being. We are bombarded by
expectations that are unreal-
istic and often impossible all
the time every day. We have
bought into the idea that our
value is connected to fleeting
affirmations of worth and we
compare ourselves to filtered,
edited, and false portrayals.
Have you ever followed
somebody on social media
and then met up with them
in person only to realize their
life is nowhere near as effort-
less as their virtual portrayal
may seem? And have you
been guilty of trying to por-
tray your own “effortless”
existence? My answer is yes
and YES.
Former Facebook execu-
tive, Chamath Palihapitiya,
in an interview with the
Washington Post (2017)
emphasized this dynamic:
“…We curate our lives
around the perceived sense
of perfection, because we
get rewarded in these short-
term signals — hearts, likes,
thumbs up — and we con-
flate that with value and we
conflate it with truth. And
instead, what it is is a fake,
brittle popularity that’s short-
term and leaves you even
more, admit it, vacant and
empty…”
Some of us are afraid
to portray anything but an
edited version of who we
are. Aside from social media
we may rely on our fancy
labels, titles, career, makeup,
or substances to distract from
vulnerability and authentic-
ity. Ultimately, this can be
pretty lonely. We realize our
connections to others are
built on a façade that can be
exhausting to maintain and
that few if any persons have
been allowed access to what’s
behind the mask. Maintaining
prestige, fame, and status can
ultimately be emotionally
depleting as well as isolating.
Genuine social connec-
tion and space to be simply
“real” is central to our health
and I might argue, success.
Loneliness and isolation have
been associated with car-
diovascular disease, inflam-
mation, diabetes, depres-
sion, anxiety, and suicide.
Our largely individualistic
society loves to give pats on
the back to those who have
apparently forged life by their
own willpower. We become
afraid to ask for help fear-
ing it is a sign of weakness.
We convince ourselves that
virtual followers and connec-
tions can replace face-to-face
encounters.
The loss of genuine
human connection is cen-
tral to the rising depression
and suicide rates plaguing
19
our country. It is why wealth
does not always buy health
and why those who appear
to “have it all together” may
be experiencing deep per-
sonal struggle. So in addi-
tion to your yoga class, green
smoothie, eco-friendly home,
and meditation that you also
call a friend, meet a neighbor,
plan a coffee date, and just
maybe let your guard down
a bit.
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SUMMER HOURS:
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HIKE: River excursions
can be part of a trip
to Hells Canyon
Continued from page 10
of wildlife, including a black
bear and a herd of Rocky
Mountain bighorn sheep. I
felt a little sheepish, myself,
when I learned that our fel-
low passengers included a
family from Germany, who
had learned of Hells Canyon
on the Internet and decided to
include it on their U.S. itiner-
ary; and, there I was, a native
Oregonian who had never
before made the trip.
The tour lasted six hours
and included an excellent
lunch at an isolated historic
farm homestead. We covered
32 miles of river in both direc-
tions, and the trip was a bit
longer than it might have been
because of two incidents. First,
we were called upon to evacu-
ate an injured hiker to a place
called Pittsburg Landing.
Then, on the return trip, we
lost power on an engine
between the two biggest sec-
tions of rapids; fortunately, a
successful repair was effected.
The rapids we encountered
provided some wild rides and
are rated as class 4 or 5 (on a
maximum scale of 6), depend-
ing on the water flow. By way
of illustration, the Snake River
drops an average of 8.7 feet
per mile on its journey from
Yellowstone National Park to
the Columbia River; one of
the rapids we traversed drops
18 feet in a distance of only 30
to 40 yards.
Other possible river excur-
sions are shorter or longer and
can include rafting adventures
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of several days. Reservations
are advised, and some days
are reserved for non-motor-
ized travel. One mystery that
remained during our seven-
hour drive home was, what
happened to the apostrophe in
“Hells.” Subsequent research
on the Internet disclosed con-
siderable discussion, but no
definitive resolution to the
question.
While it’s true that Hells
Canyon is remote and hard to
get to, there is much to see in
Oregon’s Wallowa and Blue
Mountains; I even saw a griz-
zly bear here 22 years ago.
The trip to Hells Canyon is
certainly worth it; and, when
combined with other high-
lights such as the Wallowa
Lake Tramway and the
Pendleton Underground, you
have the makings of a memo-
rable vacation trip.
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