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About The nugget. (Sisters, Or.) 1994-current | View Entire Issue (May 23, 2018)
Wednesday, May 23, 2018 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon No one knows what it is like to walk in another per- son’s shoes. Nor will we ever know the inside work- ings of an individual or a family. Outward appearances and behaviors can often camou- flage a life filled with pain, uncertainty, physical or mental ill-health, financial difficulties, or any number of other issues that reside within one’s heart, soul, and mind. One of my sons, during a difficult period in his life, accused me of having no ability to understand his situ- ation because, to quote him, “you’ve never really had any big problems.” I was aghast. Obviously, I had worked much too hard to shield my sons from the difficulties in my life. I had perhaps robbed them of the opportunity to observe how to handle difficulties in a healthy, appropriate way. That particular aware- ness and the fact that both sons handed me plenty of opportunities to have my sharp corners rounded off, led me to develop a new way of interacting with others in certain situations. When it’s appropriate, I will allow myself a transparency that formerly would have para- lyzed me. I have discovered that when someone is experi- encing some difficulty, if my past experience is relatable, I will offer a space for con- versation in which guards can be lowered and speaking from the heart allows con- nection, providing support and understanding. There is no usurping of another’s feelings or experience. Rather, a com- mon ground can be found to provide a safe place for honest self-expression. And in a majority of situations, my transparency has invited another person to share their burden. I choose my times and situations carefully so as to not intrude on someone else’s process or to not share with someone who has no interest or understanding. While working for hos- pice, I learned the impor- tance of not avoiding talking about the death of someone’s loved one. We as a culture don’t handle death well. We don’t want to upset some- one by mentioning the per- son who has died, but with that avoidance we leave the bereaved person feeling iso- lated and like we don’t care. No need to be intrusive, but don’t avoid talking to them and mentioning the person who has died. Several weeks ago, a family in our community lost their son to suicide – an unfathomable circum- stance, which compounds the deep sorrow of losing a child. They used to be my neighbors and I remember that cute little blond-haired 7-year-old who played in the creek behind our houses and rode his bike around the cul- de-sac. And my heart breaks for his family. Having flirted with the shadow of suicide in my own experience — with family members, the loss of one of my clients, and once briefly in my own life — I have had a glimpse of the despair that drives one to that conclusion. I have also witnessed the unspeakable pain, sorrow, guilt, and anger that accompanies a loved one’s death by suicide. There is no blame to be assigned, no reason that will make sense of it, and no magic wand or potion that will take away the bone- splitting pain. If the opportunity pres- ents itself, offer your con- dolences, talk about what the deceased person meant to you, and share a memory of them. Allow the surviving family member to talk about their loved one. Don’t be uncomfortable with tears — yours or theirs. We are all in this boat called life and, if we row together, the journey may be less difficult and more meaningful. Suicide Bereavement Support Group for Survivors of Suicide Loss: 2nd Monday of the month, 7 to 8:30 p.m. at Partners In Care, 2075 NE Wyatt Ct., Bend. Trained facilitators are Alison Sorenson and Herb Baker. For more information contact Alison Sorenson, 541-610-9500. Suicide Prevention: For emergencies call 9-1-1 or go to your local emergency room. Deschutes County Health Services 24-Hour Crisis Hotline, 541-322- 7500, ext. 9. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-8255, or visit www.suicide preventionlifeline.org. Of a certain AGE Sue Stafford Columnist A boat called life 25 The Nugget Newspaper Crossword By Jacqueline E. Mathews, Tribune News Service — Last Week’s Puzzle Solved — This Week’s Crossword Sponsors Introductory New Client Special with Karey Éminence Signature Facial - Only $59! Essentials Skincare Deep double cleanse, exfoliating peel, hydrating masque & relaxing Euro massage. Call Karey at 541-706-0295 to schedule. Karen Keady Esthetician/Owner 541-480-1412 | 492 E. Main Ave. Mon-Sat Flexible Hours | SistersEssentials.com WELL PUMP SERVICE Pump & Electrical Contractor PRESSURE TANKS • CONSTANT-PRESSURE SYSTEMS FREQUENCY DRIVES • MOTOR CONTROLS • PUMPS A Division of 24-HOUR EMERGENCY SERVICE Zach 541-420-8170 Sisters Owned CCB#178543
