28
Wednesday, June 29, 2016 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon
Commentary...
SPEAkER: Disarming
‘defensive
communication’
Orlando: What do you say to the kids?
By edie Jones
Continued from page 3
are as varied as Hewlett
Packard, Stanford University,
Kaiser Permanente, the U.S.
Department of Justice, the
Center for Dispute Resolution
in London, England, and
a number of social-change
organizations.
Whatever the situation,
whether social, family, or
business, our communica-
tion has been “shaped by our
focus on defensive self-pro-
tection and power struggle.
Because we use our words as
weapons instead of construc-
tive tools, we often commu-
nicate in a way that increases
conflict instead of resolving
it,” according to Ellison.
Currently a resident of
Sunriver, Ellison graduated
from Milwaukie High School,
where she was elected best
debater. While at Willamette
University in Salem she won
the Dorey Oratory Contest
and spent her junior year at
the University of Stockholm.
She later graduated from
the University of Oregon
with a masters in juvenile
corrections.
Much of her early career
was spent as a group worker,
and field and intake counselor
with juveniles in Marion and
Lane counties. In the ’70s
she was involved with skill-
building programs for at-
risk teens, their parents, and
teachers.
From 1975-1986 she
was a counselor in private
Correspondent
photo by provided
sharon strang ellison.
practice and a consultant to
Children’s Services Division
and for Lane County teach-
ers and administrators, as
well as teaching commu-
nication classes through
Lane Community College.
In 1986-87, Ellison was
a s c h o l a r- i n - r e s i d e n c e
at St. John’s University
in Minnesota while she
worked on her book, which
was ultimately published
in 1998.
“I started thinking about
the ideas for my book when I
was a child, and can find the
developing theme in my high
school and college papers,”
Ellison said in response to the
question of how she devel-
oped her process for non-
defensive communication.
“The feedback I’m getting
from a wide range of people
in the field of psychology —
as well as other fields — is
that the process I’ve devel-
oped is unique in that it works
very effectively to prompt
people to drop their defenses,
often instantly,” she said.
For more information visit
www.pndc.com.
All of us were shocked
with horror at the killings
in Orlando. Something few
adults could ever imagine,
much less our kids. What
do you tell them? How do
you explain something so
unimaginable?
The first rule of thumb
when something like this
happens and they are aware
of it is to tell the truth. Keep
in mind what your kids are
ready for and can under-
stand. The fact that it was
a “gay bar” is unimportant
until a child is old enough to
understand about homosex-
uality. The fact that a very
unhappy person felt the only
thing they could do was to
create havoc, fear and great
sadness is relevant.
If your children have
watched the news or any
of the coverage of this hap-
pening, they will have ques-
tions. Encourage questions
and answer, to the best of
your ability; try to explain
what might lead someone
to plan and carry out such
attack.
Talk about mental ill-
ness, that it leads people
to do strange and terrible
things. Talk about the help
people in this state of mind
Out West Realty
— Serving all of Central Oregon —
can receive. And, emphasize
how much you love them
and want them to talk to you
whenever they feel sad, frus-
trated, or unloved.
If your child is being bul-
lied on the playground or in
school, let them know that
telling someone not only
helps them, it also helps the
person doing the bullying.
By telling a teacher or par-
ent, they are making it pos-
sible for the bully to get help
in learning better ways to
behave and make friends.
Also, talk about guns. If
you are a gun-owner, share
why you have them and what
you do with them. Teach,
teach, teach! This is a good
time to emphasize safety and
for what your gun should
and should not be used.
If you believe there
should be more gun laws,
talk about the Second
Amendment. Is it still valid
and important? Talk about
how legislation works and
how bills become laws and
the importance of following
them.
This horrendous killing
can be a very good “teach-
able moment” about why we
have rules to govern us.
Monitor the T.V. pro-
grams and movies your kids
watch. There is so much
destruction to property and
people in front of our eyes
that we sometimes become
oblivious to its content. Not
necessarily for kids. They
may get the impression that
that is what happens in life
and the Orlando killings just
fit into the mix. Help them
know what is fantasy and
what is real. As horrible as it
is, it is real and they need to
know the difference.
Most of all emphasize
that they don’t need to fear
the same thing happen-
ing here. Not that it could
never happen, that it is very
unlikely. And, again, assure
them that you love them and
will do everything in your
power to keep them safe.
Kids move on quickly
from this type of thing, if
parents and caregivers han-
dle it correctly.
Classifieds are online at
NuggetNews.com
Wishing you
a sparkling
4th of July
Stop by and visit with Tiana Van Landuyt & Shelley Marsh.
220 S. Pine St., Ste. 102 | 541-548-9180
Principal Broker
ABR, CDPE,CIAS, GRI, SRES
541-480-0183
Golf Course Living with Water View!
www.sandygoodsell.com
Licensed Broker in the State of Oregon
100% READY TO GO!
1-ACRE FAST-FOOD SITE
High-visibility corner of McKinney Butte & Highway 20
Adjacent to forthcoming roundabout
Fast food with drive-thru approved by City of Sisters
Site has all City approvals, ready for building permits
Owner will carry and build to suit!
STEVE MCGHEHEY, Broker
Each offi ce independently owned and operated.
541-420-8103
17147 Caddis Court, Sisters This northwest-style single-level home
is located in the Aspen Lakes development, just minutes from down-
town Sisters. Features in this custom home include: expansive great-
room with large stone fi replace, vaulted ceilings, walnut hardwood
fl oors, designer kitchen with high-end appliances, breakfast nook,
formal dining room, offi ce/den, double vanities and Jacuzzi tub in
master bath, and an extended three-car garage. Master suite, two large
guest rooms with attached full baths and two half baths, in 3,543
sq. ft. Beautiful patio with golf course and lake views. $1,049,000
Jeff Jones
Principal Broker
541-480-7201
jeffjoneslcl
@gmail.com
290 E. Cascade Ave., Sisters
Offi ce: 541-588-6614
Fax: 541-549-6339
metoliuspropertysales.com