Wednesday, January 6, 2016 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon
7
Helicopter parents in Sisters?
By Edie Jones
Columnist
A “Helicopter Parent” is a
parent who is always “hover-
ing and rescuing.” It’s a neg-
ative label. Since it appears
to be a universal expression,
what does it mean in Sisters
and how are the parents here
avoiding or embracing this
model of parenting?
That was the question I
set out to answer after read-
ing an article in The Bulletin
that reported the views of
Julie Lythcott-Haims, a
former dean at Stanford.
Lythcott-Haims made the
observation that college stu-
dents were increasingly less
able to take care of them-
selves. She states that, “We
want so badly to help them
by shepherding them from
milestone to milestone and
shielding them from failure
and pain. But over-helping
causes harm. It can leave
young adults without the
strengths of skill, will, and
character that are needed to
know themselves and to craft
a life.”
To find out how Sisters’
parents and kids are doing
I talked with Rick Kroytz,
the advisor to the ASPIRE
Program at Sisters High
School (SHS), and one of
the ASPIRE volunteers,
Phyllis Smith. ASPIRE uses
volunteer mentors from the
community to help prepare
high school students as they
move toward graduation.
According to Kroytz, “our
kids and parents do pretty
well” at avoiding the “heli-
copter pitfall” and contrib-
utes that to the impact of
adult volunteers on the stu-
dents. Community mentors
develop adult/adult relation-
ships with their charges,
sharing visions of the future
and looking at ways to meet
those dreams. As parents
recognize the value of that
relationship they are able to
relax, worrying less about
where their young person is
headed.
Charlie Kanzig, the coun-
selor at the high school,
compared helicoptering here
with the “Tiger Moms” he
met while working in South
Korea. There, he said, “The
mother’s job was to guar-
antee their child would
succeed.”
Kanzig’s role, there and
here, is to help parents allow
their kids to own as much
as possible — backing off
and letting the kids fill out
the applications, ask the
questions and get the inter-
view. Here he finds parents
do better. He gives much
of the credit to the relation-
ships developed between the
teachers and kids. The teach-
ers are demanding while
being supportive, building
feelings of mutual respect
that drive the students to
want to succeed.
He, like Kroytz,
mentioned the involvement
of other adults in the com-
munity and the atmosphere
that creates an “I believe
in you” attitude within the
school. Kanzig noted that
parents need enough infor-
mation to be comfortable to
avoid being helicopter par-
ents. So, good, clear commu-
nication is important.
Joe Hosang, SHS princi-
pal, feels that most parents
are supportive, and for that
the school is very grateful.
He does feel that parents
and teachers need to allow
students to fail when they
are not achieving on their
own. By not rescuing, allow-
ing perseverance, grit and
endurance to carry forward
to success, adults are creat-
ing real-world experiences
that prepare students for the
adversity each child will
eventually face.
Rand Runco, a teacher
at the high school, feels the
onslaught of technology
and the ability of parents to
communicate with teachers
at will, instead of speaking
face-to-face, has contributed
to miscommunications that
may foster helicopter par-
enting. At times he is faced
with as many as 40 emails
a day. On the other side,
he’s not sure the kids are
being asked to act respon-
sibly when a reminder by
texting is so common and
easy. He feels the solution is
a matter of catching up with
technology and learning to
use it properly.
Jenifer Noble, Sisters
Elementary School coun-
selor, is a parent of three ele-
mentary school-age children
and three adult children. She
has the advantage of look-
ing at the problem from sev-
eral perspectives. She asks
the question: “10 years ago
would we have ever consid-
ered giving a cell phone to
a 9-year-old? Today, how
many 9-year-olds need them
to stay in touch with parents
who are at work?”
Noble also points out the
academic pressure children
are experiencing at a younger
age, which puts pressure on
parents to make sure all of
the homework gets accom-
plished. And, there are all
of the outside activities.
What is important, what is
too much? Is it helicoptering
when parents make all the
arrangements to make things
happen, or is it just doing the
right thing?
She has also had the expe-
rience of guiding her adult
kids through the college
application process.
“It used to be easier. Now,
with higher tuition, the stakes
are higher so parents are
looking over the shoulders
of their kids. Did I helicopter
him to get that scholarship
when I encouraged him to
add his Eagle Scout accom-
plishments to his résumé?
It’s a fine line. There are
lots of things that drive this.
We who grew up as latch-
key kids want to be there
for our kids. Is this helicop-
ter parenting? Perhaps. It’s
complicated. We don’t know
how to navigate the fine line,
later finding our kids don’t
know how to make deci-
sions. Parents want to do the
best for their kids and that’s
what’s most important.”
Edie Jones is an early-
childhood educator and
author of “Raising Kids with
Love, Honor, and Respect:
Recipes for Success.”
You Are Invited!
Citizens4Community presents:
Girls basketball players raise funds
Sisters Outlaws girls
basketball players will be
bagging groceries at Ray’s
Food Place in Sisters as
part of a fundraiser for the
program.
They’ll be at it all day
on Saturday, January 9 from
10 a.m. to 5 p.m.
They’ll be “celebrity bag-
ging” and carrying groceries
for customers.
The girls are seeking
donations to cover sea-
son and summer program
costs.
The event is a great time
to buy an Outlaw Card —
offering more than $100 in
discounts at local businesses
(including Ray’s, Dutch
Bros., Sisters Coffee Co.)
— for $20. The card is good
throughout 2016.
Smile,
Sisters!
We’re
committed
to your dental
health!
Exceptional Health,
Prevention & Aesthetics
Ben Crockett, D.D.S.
p 541-549-9486 f 541-549-9110
410 E. Cascade Ave. • P.O. Box 1027 • Sisters, Oregon 97759
Hours: Mon., 10 a.m.-7 p.m.; Tues.-Wed., 8 a.m.-4 p.m.;
Thurs., 7 a.m.-3 p.m.
Learn. Connect. Engage.
You’ll hear how communities across
the nation have strengthened their
neighborhoods and organizations
using
fundamental
principles
of civility. Guest speaker Rob
Karwath, national spokesperson
for Speak Your Peace, will introduce
these principles and facilitate
discussions on how Sisters might
customize them to respond to future
challenges and opportunities.
Thurs., Jan. 14, 5-7 p.m.
Sisters Fire Station, Community Hall
301 S. Elm St., Sisters
Sponsored by: Citizens4Community, 541-549-1482,
with a grant from the Ford Family Foundation.