Wednesday, September 2, 2015 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon
Of a certain age...
By diane goble
Columnist
In the U.S., 160,000
children miss school every
day out of fear of being
bullied, and almost half of
all students say they have
experienced bullying. I can
remember being physically
sick many mornings before
going to elementary school
for fear of being bullied. It
stayed with me through high
school. It affected me in my
work life.
I still experience antici-
patory anxiety in certain
situations, but, at least now,
I recognize it — do some
deep breathing and put it into
perspective.
I had the opportunity to
speak to a class at Sisters
High School last year, and
as I wandered down the
hallways I was suddenly
transported back to my own
school experiences 50-plus
years ago. All the times I was
bullied by classmates and
friends flashed through my
mind. My worst memories,
by far, come from my high
school swim coach, who
chastised, berated, humili-
ated, demeaned and threat-
ened his athletes in every
way possible to get us to
perform, then punished us
(100 laps) if we didn’t beat
our best time every meet.
Winning was all he cared
about. It was all about him
and his reputation, not us. It
still raises my hackles every
time I hear about a youth
sports coach overstepping
the line.
Speaking of coaches,
I recently came across an
article that listed the high-
est-paid corporate CEOs
in the U.S. and they are all
ex-college football coaches.
Their bullying attitude
trickles down the corporate
culture. It comes out in the
sales and marketing tactics,
and the way employees are
treated in the workplace. It’s
all about getting the sale, the
contract, the money, the deal
... everything is monetized,
not personalized.
These life-long bul-
lies carry their kindergar-
ten mentality through high
school to college to career,
into their marriages, and get
themselves into positions
of power where they think
they have the right to mess
with people’s lives as if oth-
ers are somehow less human,
less deserving, less worth-
while as human beings. They
think what they think is more
right than what others think
and they assume, if nobody
stands up to them, that they
get to make the rules for
everybody else using bully-
ing tactics, if necessary.
Little dictators are
everywhere.
Inside they may be mis-
erable, sad, unhappy people
with early childhood trag-
edies unconsciously moti-
vating them to seek revenge
by doing unto others what
was done to them, for which
they should be seeking coun-
seling, not revenge. Adult
bullies were either bullies
SISTERS
GARAGE DOORS
Sales • Service • Installation
Residential • Commercial
Door & Opener
Tune-Up - $89
Dale Lester
CCB#151832
541-815-1523
as children or were bullied
as children. Unfortunately
they don’t see themselves as
being the common denomi-
nator in all the dramas they
create as they shift their
internalized anger onto oth-
ers. They get that bewildered
“who me?” look on their face
when confronted.
There are the self-cen-
tered, narcissistic bullies
who have no empathy with
others and little anxiety
about the consequences.
In order to feel good about
themselves, they have to put
other people down. They are
not interested in working
things out; they are not inter-
ested in compromise. They
are more interested in power
and domination; they need to
feel important and preferred.
I used to work for such
a man, a wealthy philan-
thropist who schmoozed
with the rich and famous
of Hollywood, who gloated
over reducing women to tears
using as few words as possi-
ble. It didn’t work on me, but
his ex-wives, whom I had to
comfort over the phone on an
almost daily basis, kept com-
ing back for more.
Verbal bullies can be
quite damaging and difficult
to document. These bullies
may start rumors about their
victims, talk about them
behind their back, stop talk-
ing or whisper when they
approach. They may use
sarcastic or demeaning lan-
guage to dominate or humili-
ate someone. Words don’t
leave visible scars, but the
emotional and psychologi-
cal impacts go deep and can
result in reduced job perfor-
mance and even depression.
They get away with it
because they don’t leave any
marks with their passive-
aggressive behavior and, if
called out, would adamantly
deny what observers can
see so clearly. It’s often an
unconscious reaction on their
part, but the wounds they
inflict on others are deep
nevertheless. And there is a
ripple effect into the commu-
nity that can take on a life of
its own.
If you’re “of a certain
age” and still struggling
with the scars of childhood
bullying, get some counsel-
ing, take up meditation or
yoga to release the negative
energy.
Search YouTube and find
videos that describe this
behavior and how to defuse
bullies. Sometimes they just
need a hug —or to know
their grievances have been
heard.
9
Wedding
hosts in
Sisters dealt
a setback
SISTERS (AP) —A cou-
ple that has tried for years to
gain approval to host wed-
dings on their 216-acre prop-
erty near Sisters is no closer
to doing so.
The Bend Bulletin reports
the Oregon Land Use Board
of Appeals (LUBA) rejected
a permit that allowed a two-
acre private park on the
property owned by John and
Stephanie Shepard to be used
for weddings and receptions.
The private park concept
was approved by Deschutes
County Commissioners in
April, allowing the Shepherds
to host up to 18 weddings
from May to October.
But the county’s decision
was appealed to LUBA by
Central Oregon LandWatch
and a Bend attorney who said
an approval would’ve set a
precedent for wedding ven-
ues on land zoned exclusively
for farm use.
John Shepherd said he
plans to appeal LUBA’s
decision.