Wednesday, July 8, 2015 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon
Of a certain age…..
By Sue Stafford
Columnist
Have you ever noticed
how a particular theme or
topic seems to keep popping
up in your life? Finally,
about the fourth time it
does, you realize this recur-
rent theme has been knock-
ing at the door of your con-
sciousness, seeking atten-
tion. I always figure that’s
the universe’s way of telling
me there is something that
needs attention.
My latest experience
with this phenomenon has
been around “letting go.”
When cleaning out my jew-
elry drawer recently, I came
across a bracelet made for
me years ago by a friend. It
consists of a leather thong,
strung with square wooden
beads, imprinted with the
letters L E T G O.
Recently on Facebook I
came across a quote from
Deepak Chopra.
“Holding onto anything
is like holding onto our
breath. You will suffocate.
The only way to get any-
thing in the physical uni-
verse is by letting go of it.
Let go.”
Joseph Campbell,
American mythologist,
writer and lecturer, pro-
vided me with one of my
favorite quotes on life.
“We must be willing
to let go of the life we’ve
planned, so as to have the
life that is waiting for us.”
So what is it I am being
reminded to let go of? It
started with the decision
to clean out the clutter in
my garage. I had unopened
boxes that had moved to
Sisters with me 11 years ago
and had never been opened.
If whatever was in those
boxes hadn’t been needed in
11 years, I could probably
let go of it. That required
letting go of the “but what
if I need it someday”
mentality.
As I pulled textbooks
from my master’s program
off the shelves in the garage
to send them to Goodwill,
I had to remind myself
that the books going didn’t
mean I was losing that part
of myself. The important
materials had been incor-
porated into my life and
my knowledge base, and
those books were no longer
needed.
When it comes to things
my sons have given me over
the years — cards, hand-
made items from school and
Cub Scouts, and their many
drawings, I still can’t part
with those. I am definitely
a sentimentalist and it still
feels uncaring to dispose of
those.
What about the files full
of workshop materials and
resources gathered over
the years from all my vari-
ous professional pursuits?
So much good information
and so many creative ideas
for groups and workshops,
gone with the flick of a
wrist into the paper recy-
cling. Disposing of much
that has been meaningful
over the years caused me to
take an in-depth look at who
I have been and who I have
become — a good exercise.
Traveling less encum-
bered can be very freeing.
Every time I walk out into
the orderly garage, where
I can actually see the floor
and easily put my finger on
exactly what I’m looking
for, I feel a sense of satis-
faction with the new order.
And I don’t miss what is no
longer there.
Now, however, I still
have to sort through much
of what is in the house,
including personal pho-
tos, mementos and family
heirlooms — not as easily
discarded, recycled, given
away or sold.
I have learned it is eas-
ier to face this downsizing
chore when there is some-
one to keep me on task and
to ask if something is really
that important. My older
son, who is temporarily
living with me, has been a
great help and motivator. He
can lift and carry and haul
as well as keep me honest
about what is really needed
rather than just wanted for
sentiment’s sake.
People and relation-
ships are sometimes more
difficult to say goodbye
to, even when I know it is
time. Letting go of a friend-
ship that no longer fits can
be awkward. Letting go of
my children, with love, and
the role I have had as their
protector and provider, is
something every parent
faces — some sooner than
others. The reward of seeing
them mature into respon-
sible, caring adults making
their own way in the world
is sweet indeed. And even if
they aren’t at first success-
ful, and continue to stumble
and fall, I must accord them
the respect and freedom
they need to make it on
their own, in their own way
9
and time.
There is a Buddha quote
that says, “You can only
lose what you cling to.” If I
try to cling to my children,
they will push me away.
Setting them free has pro-
vided them with the oppor-
tunity to return of their own
free will — and they have.
Besides material posses-
sions and personal relation-
ships, there are all those
intangibles that can weigh
me down if I hold onto them
— the past with its anger,
expectations, resentments,
betrayals, dissatisfaction,
regrets, old hurts and disap-
pointments. It does no good
to keep looking in the rear-
view mirror. Focusing on
the past only holds me back
and keeps me from living in
the present.
As I live my last decade
or two, I want to have
a grateful heart, a car-
ing spirit, and a backpack
empty of any regret or anger
or grief, so it can be filled
with more curiosity, laugh-
ter, love and special memo-
ries of a life well-lived.
“When I let go of what I
am, I become what I might
be. When I let go of what I
have, I receive what I need.”
~ Tao Te Ching ~