Wednesday, April 1, 2015 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon
My cancer, your cancer, and how it’s different
By katy Yoder
Columnist
I struggle sometimes
when I’m told one story
after another about people
who are suffering or who
have lost their battle with
cancer. It brings back mem-
ories and it reminds me that
there’s a chance I might
have a reoccurrence and
have to go through it again.
Not to mention the chance I
might die from it.
Enough time has passed
for me to reflect on the dif-
ference between being the
cancer patient and the can-
cer caregiver. From my early
20s on, several family mem-
bers were diagnosed and
for each person, I played a
different role in supporting
their journey.
My grandfather had
colon cancer, and I was
able to visit him and try to
help him and my grand-
mother deal with the ups
and downs of treatment. My
grandmother was always
the talker of the two, and
it wasn’t until my grandfa-
ther was facing death that
he began to tell stories from
his childhood and really
let us in. Listening to him
talk about growing up poor
in rural California and the
adventures he had as a boy
were precious moments I’ll
never forget.
I felt deep sorrow watch-
ing him change from a
broad-shouldered, unstop-
pable force to a slender man
whose strength remained
only in his big calloused
hands. I was powerless
to stop the progression of
his disease. All I could do
was listen to him and try
to soften the harsh reality
of his situation with stories
from my own unfolding life.
Then in the early ’90s,
when my daughter was
3 years old, my grand-
mother and my cousin were
both diagnosed with can-
cer. I made many trips to
California to help my aunt,
who was dealing with both
her mother and her daugh-
ter facing cancer. I felt less
powerless that time because
there was more to do. We
took turns caring for each
woman, never losing hope
that somehow they would
both overcome their disease.
In the end they both were
taken.
Then, in the late ’90s, my
father was diagnosed and we
began the treatment steps all
over again. This time there
weren’t 500 miles sepa-
rating me from my family
member, so I was able to be
present on a regular basis. In
that situation, I spent time
supporting my Mom, who
wanted to take on the big-
gest share of Dad’s care.
Being able to share Dad’s
remaining time gave us the
opportunity to wash past
issues away and focus on
the happy memories we
made together. Mom and I
took turns keeping an eye on
Dad, trying to manage his
indomitable spirit that kept
him trying to do more than
his body would allow.
It was hard to watch his
slow disintegration, and we
all knew it didn’t look like
he’d recover. But Dad never
gave up hope and he never
stopped looking for ways
to heal his battered body. I
struggled with the desire to
see things as they were ver-
sus his will to keep fight-
ing to the very end. I had to
accept that it was his battle
to wage as he saw fit and it
was my job to support him
in any way I could.
That’s just a few of the
family members who had
cancer. After walking with
them through their can-
cer battles, I thought I was
pretty well-educated in
what cancer entailed. I’d
witnessed so much and was
able to recall many of each
person’s words about what
they went through.
From those experiences,
I was terrified of cancer and
even more frightened of the
treatments offered to cure it.
But I also felt well-versed
and better prepared if it hap-
pened to me. I knew already
what I would do and what
I would not do if I got that
terrible call from a doctor.
Then it happened, and I
was suddenly in the hot seat.
All the memories I had of
loved ones struggling with
the disease roared through
my mind, leaving me shell-
shocked. I felt like I had to
put on my battle gear and
fight not only the disease,
but the doctors who were
going to try and make me do
things I didn’t want to do.
I’d seen my father suffer so
much from radiation and I’d
seen my cousin grow weak
and gaunt from chemother-
apy. I was more afraid of the
treatments killing me than
the disease itself.
There really is no way to
prepare for cancer. How I
responded was uniquely tied
to my circumstances at the
time — my age, my mari-
tal status, where I lived, my
job and the age of my child.
Other variables played a part
as well, so unless your crys-
tal ball works better than
mine, I suggest not wasting
time, like I did, thinking I
knew what I’d do if I got
cancer.
I know two of the
things that benefited me
29
considerably were my faith
and my family. I knew I was
on solid ground with both
and I knew regardless of
the outcome, I was in good
hands. If either of those
pieces had been missing, the
story could have unfolded
very differently.
Going through it required
the strength to allow weak-
ness and the courage to
allow help. I learned that I
didn’t want to fight cancer
as much as I wanted to find
peace in the process of heal-
ing. Cancer isn’t the enemy,
it’s the messenger. The gifts
from the experience are
unfolding every day. The
parts of my life I had ignored
have taken center stage. My
life is richer, more interest-
ing and rewarding. I’m more
in tune with my inner voice,
and I’m working on turning
up the volume every day.
www.NuggetNews.com
Hop on Over!
Easter Brunch & Egg Hunt
Bronch
B
hS
Seatings
ti
— 10 to 11 a.m. —
Followed by fi rst egg hunt, 11:30 - Noon
— 12 Noon to 1 p.m. —
Followed by second egg hunt, 1:30 to 2 p.m.
— $25 per person, children 10 and under $12.50 —
EGG HUNT FREE TO PUBLIC
The bonny will be hiding over 500 eggs!
Call 1.800.797.6331 to reserve
www.lakecreeklodge.com
— This ad sponsored by The Nugget Newspaper —