*
Topics of
the Times
«♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ «♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦
Practical joke* usually come nome
to roost.
__
Men who claim to own the air above
their premises will have to fight It out
with the comets.
The question Is how did the Pope
discover that Fairbanks had been Vice
President of the United States?
A southern man wants a divorce
because his wife threw a glass of Jelly
at him. Reports do not say she hit
him.
"Let children eat what they want,"
says one of the medical experts. Per­
haps he Is Interested In the sugar
trust.
_____
Members of the Black Hand are In
the penitentiary, where they belong.
They are no better than defaulting
bankers.
Statements as to the size of King
Leopold’s fortune do not agree. But
however large It was he didn't take
any of it with him.
When Nordica told a Havana audi­
ence that Cuba Is God's country, she
probably meant that It needed more
than merely human help.
" I crave not gold In yellow heaps,
says one of the bards. Perhaps he Is
too busy yearning for a pound or two
of bacon to have time for the lust of
gold.
Carrie Nation recently received an
offer of marriage, but ex-Queen L ll
has not been able to find anyone Who
seems to wish to talk to her privately
In the front parlor.
Mrs. Peary has just exchanged two
nice Arctic meteorites for $50,000.
They leave a vacant place on the par­
lor what not, but $50,000 will help a
lot with the new spring hat to buy.
It is reported that a Pennsylvania
clergyman has refused to marry a lov­
ing couple because the young man's
Income Is less than $2,000 a year.
Where Is the evil of the high cost of
living to end?
An advance of 20 per cent In the
price of Bibles Is announced fpr March
1. There is, however, no threat of an
additional advance of 10 per rent a
month after that. Evidently George
F. Baer Is not behind the Bible busi­
ness.
The czar's brother has caused trou­
ble by m arrying a lady who has a
string of divorces. His mother refuses
to speak to him, and Nicholas Is re­
ported to be furious.
Well, it was
time for a grand duke to do something
to dispel the Idea that the tribe had
gone out of existence.
According to statistics there are 40,-
000 more married men in this ceuntry
than there are married women. But
there Is no occasion for gossip. The
discrepancy is accounted for by the
explanation that many married Immi­
grants leave their wives at home when
they come to this land of the free.
One of the most wholesome effects of
the present discussion of the high cost
o f living will be the consideration of
the advantages of economy and the
conservation of the fnmlly resources.
Many American families remain poor
because they waste more than would
maintain a thrifty French fam ily in
comfort.
Caught In the swirl of political econ­
omy, brayed between the upper m ill­
stone of supply and demand's nether
stone, necessaries have become arro­
gant luxuries nnd the former luxuries
have become specimens to be treas­
ured in museums. We have learned to
do without; we have been accumulat­
ing stores of merit by Controlling ap­
petite; a moral exercise.
There is no class of people so apt
to do foolish and Imprudent things as
the girls who have nothing to occupy
their minds.
The girl that has to
work for n living is really safer than
the one who is under no such compul­
sion
Where a girl has no serious in­
terests her future is largely dependent
upon the discretion and discernment
of her parents or guardians.
The
Philadelphia girl that ran away with
s hotel waiter, according to reports,
has been forgiven.
From what is
known to the public concerning this
case, she should have been
But has
she forgiven her guardians? She Is
not as much to blame as those who
neglected to take care of her. I f her
life had been normal she would not
have been seized by the notions that
have drawn a cloud over her.
Modern school and college ute Is d if­
ferent in many respects from that
which the boys of antiquity knew, but
in other respects there is a remarkable
sim ilarity
A writer who has made a
thorough study of the universities of
ancient Greece tells us that the
“ f reshy" was put through “ stunt*”
which have changed but little in twen­
ty centuries. He was pulled this way
and that by various groups and by the
partisans of certain teachers. Just as
he is now "rushed" by fraternities The
Grecian student decked himself out in
erlmoon. purple and other "loud" hues.
He had nicknames for his teachers. In­
dulged In college politics, occasionally
precipitated a small riot on the street
• r In the theater, got wildly excited
over athletic contests, aag not Infrs-
quentiy misspent his money. Educa*
tlonal methods and standards change,
but boys are always boys.
TO AVOID DROWNINO.
-That
to
Do
and
I f Vou
Cannot
F u ll lu
S w liu .
W ater
There are chronicled every summer
In these days of domestic disturb­
a long list of fatal drowning accidents
ance and discomfiture, when house­
which plunge thousands into mourn­
holds bid fair to stand Btlll for lack
ing. and the pity of It Is that a little
of skilful hands to keep them mov
knowledge of watermanship and ordi­
lng, and all sorts of schemes for com
nary care might have prevented most
munal living are offered as a solution
of them. To Ignorance or carelessness
of the problem, one Is eager to grasp
In entering and leaving a boat or
at the veriest straw of suggestion.
Now regulated hours and higher train­ while In It: to venturing in open
water unprepared, and to neglect of
ing, or the united larger family
scheme, where each one must bear his the rudimentary principles of water­
individual and accepted burden of manship can be traced half the re­
dally duties, may go far to relieve the corded fatalities.
No one should ever fake out row­
tension of material things, if not to
save Intact the threatened home it­ ing persons who do not know how to
self. But a more direct help In this swim without first ascertaining that
best of works would be a changing the boat is safe and seaworthy and
point of view, a shifting of one's men- I provided with the necessary parapher­
It Is when
tal values. Fashion, did the capricious , nalia for eventualities.
lady so Incline,
might become the ; one least expects It that accidents oc­
tenth muse, the votive goddess of do­ cur, writes L. de B. Handley tn the
mestic science. Nor would any of her special vacation number of Recreation,
worshipers be the worse for their de­ and the only way to avoid them Is to
votions. It Is harder to swing a broom be prepared at all times. A stout bow­
enough life preservers to go
than a golf stick; and how many timid line.
souls would worry their wits and tire around, an anchor, something to bale
their bodies to gain a doubtful eques­ with and an extra pair of oars should
trian control if It were "bad form " to be carried on principle. You may not
ride horseback? It Is not as if lotus­ need them ninety-nine times out of a
eating repose, a dolce far nlente exist­ hundred, but on that hundredth time
ence, were a national Ideal; we are they may mean life or death.
In getting Into a boat one should
strenuous, even in our pastimes. One
Involuntarily thinks of the Chinese ( try to step right Into the bottom over
philosopher’s surprise at seeing white j the keel, ui If this is tuu great a
men dance, and his question, ‘‘Why j reach, on to the middle of the seat
don’t you let your servants do this and then down. Stepping on the gun
for you?” and it becomes a serious wale has been responsible for number*
temptation to write a companion vol- j less capslzlngs and It Is a good Idea
ume to "T h e Pleasures of Imagina­ when Inexperienced
people are em
tion,” and frankly call It "T h e Im agin­ barking to take hold of the boat and
ation of Pleasure.” It Is entirely in steady It. Enter If possible where you
the point of view. A fter all, these per­ Intend to sit and In such a manner
plexing, troublesome domestic duties that you w ill not have to turn after
are the real, the permanent things of wards.
life, and the skilful
guidance of a
The weight should be distributed as
household Is In itself a wonderful ac­ evenly as possible. In a small boat,
complishment. I f Fashion would buf with slight preference to the stern. If
don an apron!
the bow Is burled the least head-swell
will flood the boat and If the stern
Is too deep a following sea may swamp
WOULDN’T BE RECOGNIZED.
it. In making a landing one should
“ K o r e lg n Types*» W h i c h A r e U tte r ly
approach at an angle, shipping the
U n lik e the H eal T h in g .
Inward oar a few yards away and
“ One may wander
for
months rounding up by backing with the out­
through the streets o f foreign cities ward one. It Is dangerous to stretch
looking for the types that nightly ] out over the gunwale to reach
for
thrill and delight American audiences," float or pier. In landing the person
writes a somewhat disgusted theater-1 In the bow should be first, taking the
goer.
bow line with him and steadying the
’’Only the tourist and residents boat for the others.
abroad know the foreigner, his cus­
I w ill not Insult the Intelligence of
toms and hie dress, but the tourist the reader by advising against rock­
does not have to make the play, nor ing the boat or Indulging In like Idi­
fill the eye and ear o f a people who otic skylarking. One must be decidedly
demand character as a bit of dash or lacking In gray matter to choose such
color. Were an Italian o f the work­ pastimes. There are certain rules
ing class introduced Into an American about one’s behavior In a small craft,
play he would have to be a sly, creep­ however, which should be kept con­
ing villain, with a knife concealed and stantly In mind. For Instance, should
a willingness to be bribed, or the audi­ It be necessary for two people to
ence would not accept him as Italian. change places they should keep well
" I f a Spanish girl she must wear a over the keel until ready to pass each
bright-colored skirt, a loose waist of other and then standing face to fa**e
contrasting color, a mantilla and carry move to either
side simultaneously
a fan or cigarette.
that the boat may not lose Its balance.
“ I f a French girl, ehe must be full Also, whether In picking up anything
of lingerie, displaying kicks, have a from the water or tn helping a swim­
small waist, plenty o f plumes, a de mer It Is advisable to use the stern
sire for admiration and wines and I and not the side.
making trouble, particularly in domes­
When a boat Is capsized do not try
tic lines.
to climb Into It again. It will sustain
" I f an Englishman, he must have a you easily If you Just lean on It. as
monocle, a dialect and a general ap­ w ill any fair-sized piece of wreckage
pearance of Idiocy.
like an oar, a spar, or a board, but
“ And last, If a Scotchman, the nudl attempt to climb over them and they
ence demand that he shall be a Pres will surely sink with you. And speak­
byterian crank or a giggling songster ing about this, when you are being
with plenty of plaid scarfs and bag­ helped or towed do not hang onto your
pipes.
rescuer or boat with bent arms, as
“ I venture to say that If the ocean this draws the body up and offers
liners were to land the passengers of I great resistance. Outstretched arms
other nations In the orchestra seats of j will Increase your chances of getting
the American theaters the last charac­ ashore.
ter they would recognize would be the |
interpolated one representing their own
♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦
race.
" I cannot believe that all Russians
are either butchers or slaves. That all
Jews are either rich or oppressed— that
all Swiss gentlemen are clock makers ,
—all French women queens of debauch
— all Italians, murderous villains— all j
Englishmen, Idiotic snobs— all Scotch- ! Teachpr— Harry, what did you mak*»
men half-dressed and dancing like a face at me for?
Harry—Please,
marionettes, and all Spanish women ma'am, because I didn't know you
eternally putting jealousy from their were lookin'.
cigarettes.
Helen—Tommy, why doesn't the sea
“ Yet managers know that to send [ run over If all the big rivers How Into
an audience home contented these It? Tommy— 'Cause the sea is full of
charactei'lsttes must appear.
sponges, that's why.
"T h e question Is, If we are woven i
.Sunday School
Superintendent—
Into the foreign play over there, has
Elsie, ran you tell me anything about
any one. as yet, recognized us as
the epistles?
Little Elsie— I fte s s
Americans?"
they w»ere the wives of the apostles.
C o u ld N o t A ffo r d th o K s trn a .
"W hy. Ethel, what's the matter?"
Those who object, like the negro In asked her mother, as the little one al­
the following story, to the high fees of most choked at the dinner table. "I
a good physician, do not always real­ got a piece of bread head first down
ize what they are paying for.
The my cough pipe.” explained Ethel.
doetor in question, says a writer In Tit-
Sunday School Teacher— What do
Bits, was called out to attend an un­ we learn from the story of the man
known patient. When he arrived he who was told to take up his bed and
found that a decrepit negro wanted his walk? Small Sammte— We learn that
attention.
they had folding
beds In ancient
The negro first asked, “ How much times.
yo' charge, doctar?”
"Two dollars a visit,” said the other,
V » »
S p r i t , * nt C n r l s h a t l .
and when the negro gasped his sur
Another hot spring was recently ad
prise, he continued, "T h at Includes, ded to the nineteen which Carlsbad
you know, my time, experience, advice had for years enjoyed. Workmen who
and the medicine.”
were engaged
in clearing out the
"A poor old nigger like me don't channels of the “ Muhlbrunn" suddenly
need all dem extras.” remarked his pa­ broke Into n new spring of hot mineral
tient. "Jlst gib me ten cents' wo'th o' water twenty-two feet below the sur
yo' cough med'clne, and dat's enough face of the ground.
to’ me.” _______________________
W il of ths Youngsters *
C o n ven ien t
Flwh
H o le.
" I have fished here for the last
twenty years "
"E ver caught anything?"
"N o."
"Then why do you fish here?"
"W ell, it's so near my house!” —
Kllegemte Blatter
The man who ate thirty eggs in
thirty minutes probably couldn't do It
now; the fool rarely prospers.
■ o n e people say they do as they
please— buf do they?
Illia
IM It 'in niR,
“ I ’m In a difficulty over my girl."
“ W hat’s wrong?"
"I'v e been saying such nice things
to her that she's getting conceited If
I atop »he'll think I don't care for her
any longer, and If I go on she ll think
«he’s too good for me " — London Mai!
«•n in e
F a sh ion
Note.
8pan!el—Going to have your hair
cut to look like a lion this summer*
Newfoundland— Not much Some of
these Teddy Imitators might take mt
fer easy gem f — Kansas City Tlmee.
Opinions of Great Papers on Important Subjects.
m & sæ sssm
a
V/L —
-
7 /V
THE NATION'S FARMS.
S TH E farm actually the corner stone of
the country, or Is that merely the wind
of the stump orator? Let us glance at
Secretary Wilson's annual report and see.
The gain in the value of farm products In
a single year Is $8119,000,000. The total
value of these products for 1909 Is $8,760,-
000,000, which Is just double what that value was eleven
years ago. The eye observes these stupendous figures,
but the dazed mind utterly refuses to take them In.
Corn Is king, without a rival or pretender. The value
of this one crop for 1909 is no less than $1,720,000,000.
Secretary Wilson editorializes to the extent of trans­
lating this figure Into intelligible terms. The 1909 corn
crop is nearly as valuable as the clothing and personal
adornments of 76,000,000 people (census of 1900). To
pay for It would require all the gold and silver in the
country. You could exchange It for Dreadnaughts at the
rate of two ships a day. It surpasses the average of the
last five years by nearly one-third. But other crops have
been doing very nicely, thank you. Cotton stands at
$850,000,000, wheat at $725,000,000, hay at $665,000,000,
and so on, and so on.-—Richmond (V a .) Tlmes-Dispatch.
ECCLESIASTICAL DEMAGOGUES.
EAN M ATTH EW S has been stirring up
things In a series of addresses at Chautau­
qua, N. Y. Among other subjects that have
received bla attention has been that of
ministerial demagogues.
The ministry should be the last place In
the world In which to find demagogism.
It Is detestable enough anywhere, but especially so In
the church, and the strictures of the scholarly dean
are none too severe upon those ecclesiastical mounte­
banks who for the sake of personal gain will be disloyal
to the best that Is In the advance movements of the
church to-day. Happily the number of such clerical
shysters Is relatively small.
Yet Prof. Matthews, we apprehend, will not find all
the ministerial demagogues In the ranks of ths pro­
fessedly ultra-conservatives. In fact, there Is quite as
great a temptation to pose as a progressive liberal and
a discoverer of new truth which Is not truth at all. The
spirit In both cases Is the same selfish masquerading
In order to win cheap applause and passing fame.— Mil-
waukee Sentinel.
D
YOUTHFUL SNOBBISHNESS.
A R E N TS and others Interested In ths wel­
fare of the public schools w ill find Interest
In the article on "H igh School Fraterni­
ties” In Everybody’s Magazine. It calls
attention In a way that Is none the less
pointed for being so humorous to a serious
menace to the public school system. When,
a few years ago, Imitation of the Greek-letter society
of the colleges was Introduced by the high schools, It
was feared by experienced observers that mischief might
1p 1
iln
________
--=
result. The extent to which these societies have Jo
lahcd has been amazing. Wherever they have spiJl
they have introduced a petty social rivalry, snobblshiaj
and heart-burning.
u
Into what has long been regarded as one of the clfl
bulwarks of democracy they have Introduced a klni?
aristocratic exclusiveness. The distorted, mlslnterprJ
"spirit of freedom," which in reality Is nothing d |
than rebellion against authority, Is largely response
Parents as well as pupils resent what they call the
terference" of school authorities In the personal and^H
clal life. And often the effect of these societies !
nurture further rebellion against school discipline
r *n
menace Is real, although the aping is ‘often rtdlculoii^H
Boston Herald.
PROTECT TH E COAL MINER.
H E coal report of the Illinois B u r e a t ^ l
Yet
Labor Statistics for 1908 contains mud
wi
especial Interest In view of the dli
at Cherry. The appalling fact that
1898 to 1907 the fatalities among the
miners of the United States and Ci
totaled 18,138 Is almost beyond
The Increase In accidents In Illinois with each pul
ceedlng year demonstrates the need of stricter i ere
Here Is the roll for three years back:
UP‘
Killed. Injui
1906 ................................................................ 155
1907 ................................................................ 165
1908 ................................................................ 183
11,1
The rapid rise tn the casualty roll m ight reason»:,jf'
have been expected to result In close Investigation *F *
conditions and the enactment of necessary laws to m
guard the miners. Yet nothing was done until the 1^®
r
session of the Legislature, and even when the Leglq ha,
ture had acted. Gov. Deneen was so little Interested d > ,a!
protecting coal miners that he delayed almost
months before appointing the authorized commission™
Extensive use of concrete and better regulation!
drilling, charging and firing will go a long way towd
reducing future casualty lists. Steps to that end shoe*
be taken forthwith.— Chicago Journal.
T
DOCTORS AND T H E IR DUES.
EW communities ever realize how mt
they owe the doctors— and few people t
do realize how much they owe ever |
up. I f every doctor could collect his tl
fee for all the work he does each coif
have his own automobile and town
country houses. But the doctor goes a l i j j f
his own way and uncomplainingly bears the sorroW®8
burdens and distress of a large part of the popul,
He knows that he Is "a very present help In timtr®11
trouble;’’ he knows that he Is performing a very A *
and practical service to humanity, and that is one?*118
the greatest rewards of a profession that receives
honor and appreciation than It does material comjj
satlon.— Baltimore Sun.
as sharp a rap as her wooden darning- world. More than that, this nevj
egg hit Homer— and they agreed then of construction will ultimately L
A CASE OF INCOMPATIBILITY ^ and there to separate.
toward doing away with the ui(
"As Homer says, If that Isn’t Incom­ lumber ln building."
patibility, what Is?
A STATE EGG BUSINESS!
The former resident of Bushby had
“They agreed to be good friends—
been gathering facts In regard to his apart— and no talk about It. Homer’s
C o -o p era tive
S ystem
In
old friends uml neighbors from Lem­ bruises are healed, and Marla s bought
A a elrn lla .
uel Howe. “ What’s this I hear about a new tip-leaf table, and she's trying
Eggs warranted fresh are no^
Marla
Hixon's
marrying
Homer It all over the house. Homer goes
lng furnished to the household
Rawles?" he Inquired. “ Somebody there for Sunday dinners and some
by the gofl
told n.e they were married six months, odd meals, and they both are taking ..southern Australia
ment For this purpose egg colltfl
and then separated on account of ln- on flesh.”
circles are formed, each of flfti
tompatlblllty. I always thought Marla
sons. They are supplied with
was the gentlest creature In the
EDISON’S E A R LY DREAM.
rubber stamps and cardboard.
world.”
"So she was. and Is,” said Mr. Howe, T r o l l e y » » V i s i o n * » C a m e t o I n v e n t o r Each egg has Its brand, so ttw|
origin can be traced. In actual
M u c h L e s s t h a n 4 2 Y e a r s Afro.
“ but she had a habit that bad ought to
have warned her not to marry a man
Some of the big builders, the kind tlon the egg-carrying cases arrj
In Homer's line o' business. You know who erect New York skyscraper», told by road or rail from distances
he was night watchman at the mills.” me they didn’t believe a cement house 300 miles contain so small a pei
The old resident nodded, but did could be poured. Impracticable!
A age of cracked or broken eggs
the loss is negligible. The testl
dream!
not speak to break the narrative.
"W ell, sir, Maria had always had
I told Edison what some of the New the receiving depots Is 1» el
the habit of changing round the fur­ York builders had said, but the news light. A bad egg is discovered 1;
niture every few days. Living alone didn't seem to Irritate him, says Allen dlately after it arrives and is
as the did, 'twas kind of company for L. Benson In .Munsey's.
lowed to pass on to the cons
her. The women folks had always
"Those fellows couldn't be expected while the sender Is promptly
noticed It. but us men hadn't taken to understand how I am doing this,"
Each egg goes through the haij
any thought about It.
he replied. “ They have no imagina­ the grader, who weeds out all
These
"O f course, when she was married tion. They make me think of the fel­ two ounces in weight.
she kept right on at home, having a lows who told me there was nothing "e ig h t eggs go to make egg pulp]
good house, and Homer having always tn the electric trolley. After I had few cracsed ones, of course, afti
j worked on the trolley for some time. lng tested for quality, are sold 1
bached It In the boarding house.
1119 hours as watchman were from ! spent $42,000 on ray experiments, and confectioners. The system is rJ
10 at night to 7 In the morning, so he got the Idea where I thought It could co-operative lines. The consm J
used to go to bed along about 2:30 or be made commercially successful, I to pay something more for gl
3 In the afternoon to get his sleep; went before the Edison Electric Light teed grade eggs—the Increase Ini
and Maria'd set a nice lunch out for Company, of which I was a large stock­ does not exceed a penny a doj
him and go to bed at the natural bed­ holder, and made this proposition:
and the surplus Is handed backi
‘ "Reimburse me for the money I egg producers on a proportional I
time. long about 9. So she was always
In her first sound nap when Homer got have spent and I will turn over all my
M e x i c a n I l o n n e n o f G o ld . Tj,
trolley patents to the company.’
up. and scarcely ever waked.
For hundreds of years the n
“ I well remember the meeting. It
“ But from time to time he'd hit on
something unexpected when he was was held at the corner of Broad and footed and empty-stomached pou
Guanajlrato, Mexico, have been l|
crawling round quiet as he could. He'd
ln New York' ln
Just get a map o' the house |n his building in which are now the offices In houses of gold, says Success
mind when Marlad change things all of J. P. Morgan A Co. The directors *!ne. They were not Fifth
round You know yourself that bumps were some of the most prominent men mansions copied from F lo ren c sl
are hard to bear, and that bureau in New 1 ork There was just one man Sienna, but just plain wlndowles
edges and table corners and chair rock­ on the board besides myself who made out of adobe or the mud
thought there was anything to the Guanajlrato gold district. A h o i
ers bruise considerable.
He o. these huts had to he tArn doty
"Homer, he talked and argued, and trolley. He was Henry Villard
got mad. and finally he said he'd get Gon
° f accep,ln*
Proposi- permit the construction of a r i l f
him a pocket lantern and keep It on tlon. All the others said the trolley | and some man got the Idea of « 1
was a dream, and they rejected
the light-stand by the bed.
lng the debris. The houses hattf
offer Spencer Trask, by the way was yielded $50,000 In gold to the
.„7 ,1 ! * ent w* n ,or a tew nights, rone of the men, and I guess he Is mak-
sors, and many a poor Guanajtj
•nd then It struck Marla one afternoon
n* ' more money out of electric rail, who last year did not know whs:
!',gh, ,U nd
I««*
in th* Jog by the mantelpiece—an' she roads to-day than any other one man n**xt cigarette was coming friinl
j in the country.
revels ln the prospect of scmil
moved It. lantern an' all. never think
In*.
"So. you see. It doesn’t bother me and pulque and hot tamales fori
That night Homer reached out for much to have men say that something N’ e^ houses are beinp: put up, butj
i ar® not mansions of gold. The I
the lantern, missed It. reached farther i I an. trying to do can’t be done
•nd struck Maria's work basket and have heard that .tory before, but
h Biding material ln GuanaJInu
nt-ver paid any attention to It ,nq , plaln, unsterlllzed common or
went
dal,le®* and th,y • »
! ! ; • " n°< ™ an* a«en t,on to '„ ‘ "ow1 mud.
"I don't know , there was much satd I 11 pour a house about the beginning
w® «uS^rïnrsaM of »u f
>®ar. *nd, by next * £ £ , ,5 ?
but I (ness What » * . » I d alt M art. 0f
“ H e remind*
era will be pouring h o u a» ait ov .r the by some one;
llr ia h Heep.*
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