OULTRY and Dairy Produce of all kinds wanted. Writ for out CASH OFFER Pearson-Page Co. p8 TYPEWRITERS, ALL MAKES Large assortment, Spe cial Prices. REMINGTON ind SMITH PREMIER, $15 Up. Machines shipped on approval and uaran tued by Home concern. Write for samples of work, stating make TYPEWRITER EXCHANGE, 351$ Wash. St'., Fortius, Oi. NEW HOTEL HOUSTON Dave Houston, Prop. H. B. Thorsnes, Mgr. Thoroughly modern. 101 Rooms of comfort. Mod erate Prices. Three minutes' walk from Union Depot, Write for rates. 72 It Sixth St, PORTLAND. OH RUPTURE IS CURABLE Br wearing: t SEELEY SPERMATIC SHIELD TRUSS. No worrying or dan ger of an operation. Rupture U not a tear or breach, aa commonly auppoaed, but fa uio su-eicmnr, or auaiion, or a natural m opening. Thi. seeley spermatic SHIELD appliance cloaea thia opening in 10 daya in moat caaea. If you can't come, write for measuring blank and literature. Sold only by ( LAUE-DAVIS DRUG CO. Third and Yamhill, Portland, Or. Who are Truss Experts and Exclusive State Agenta for this appliance. Famine. I am the skeleton In every nation's closet. I hide myself in the dark re cesses behind the silent uniforms swaying in the dark. While the guests make merry and the householders ply them with viands at the friendly board I bide my time. But when the alarms sound and the guests go out to kill, then I start forth in the gray shadows of early morning. With my thin wand I touch the corn fields and watch them wither. And as the sun shines on battle fields my day of triumph comes. No longer afraid to show my hollow face, I stalk through village and city, laying my rattling hands on mother and wife and babe. My comrade, War, true to his eter nal promise, has given me the entry to all societies. Life. YOUR OWN DRUGGIST WILL TELL YOU Try Murine Eye Remedy for Red, Weak, Watery Eyes and Granulated Eyelids; No Smarting just. Eye Comfort. Write for Book of i,he Eye by mail Free. Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chicago. Broad Humor. "French humor is a little too broad for us, and when it isn't too broad it is apt to be disgusting." The speaker was Miss Gladys lin ger, who has adapted so many French plays. She continued: "A Frenchman told me a Joke the other day. He said two rustic sweet hearts were walking out together. Thd girl remarked: " 'I like you very well, Gaston, all except those letters G, S. tattooed on your hand.' " 'But,' said Gaston hotly, 'don't you know, my dear, that it's the latest style to have your initials on your handkerchief?'" Chicago Record Herald. HOWARD K. BURTON - Asnayer an! rjnemlrt, Leuuville, Colorado. Spuoiinea prices: (jold. Silver. Laid, ft. Hold, Sliver, 75c: Gold, Mo: Ziiio or Copper $1. Mulling envelope! a id full price list sent on application. Control and Umpire work Uoited. Ileference: Cur Donate National Bank. By Way of Inducement. A certain youngster In Washington was one day suffering greatly by rea son of an aching tooth. His mother was endeavoring to calm him against the necessary visit to the dentist. "You'll have it out, won't you, dearie?" the mother pleaded. "It won't hurt much, and then the ache will all be over." But then the unhappy child began to howl with pain. His brother, a year older, was likewise distressed, and added his pleadings to those of the mother. "Do have it out, dear," repeated the mother. "Yes, Dick, have it out," added the brother. "It will be one less to clean. you know." Llppincott's Magazine. Important Precaution. "Are you mixed up in this disturb ance? asked the policeman. "No," replied the law-abiding citi zen. Tm neutral." "Then why do you want to talk to me?" "I want my neutrality definitely un derstood. I don't desire to take n chance on what sometimes happens to the innocent bystander. Washing ton Star. Point of View.. Mrs. Deere How modestly she dresses and how sensibly! Mrs. Sneere Yes; that woman will do anything to attract attention! DENTAL HEADQUARTERS fOR OUT-OF-TOWN PEOPLE People from all parts of Oreffon and Washing ton constantly visit oui ftice for dental treat ment. Our skill isac- rtnowledsred, and our nromntnesa in finish- ' I-! n(f 'or n one day 'J when required Lsappre- iated by out-of-town natrons, Dr. Wise is a false- foot h expert. There is "ALWAYS ONE BEST" in every calling, and Dr. Wise lay claim to 7 stmctmi in Ore- Yur What we can't fuar- antee we don't do. LOW PRICES FOR HIGH-GRADE WORK. Good Red Rnbt. Plates, each .. ... ... $6.W The Best Rrd Rabix- Pistes, each) 7.50 t2-Karat Gold or Porclaia Crown (.00 WISE DENTAL CO. RELIABLE PAINLESS DENTISTS. Phones-Mala 202S. A 202. Uttt Third Street. Falling Bid-., Portland. Oiagea BLACK Camera May Not Have Unlocked the Trouble, But It Got All the Blame. By H. M. LOME. Mr. Ben Blanchard was a small, chubby man, baby-stare eyes and an Infantile smile. He called himself a community promoter. This, as must be admitted, was a more taking title than that of land boomer, especially when much of the land bo boomed was productive of little else than sand burs, . sage-brush, cacti, Jack-rabbits, and a fair sprinkling of rattlesnakes. That Is by the way, however. It you make Inquiries among his eastern friends especially In Montague street, Brooklyn you will gather some plo tuesque estimates of M. Blanchard'l business abilities. Financial persons of Brooklyn pride themselves on being possessed of a certain Yankee shrewd ness which steers them clear of the wiles of the average schemer. Apart from that, no man Is consid ered reliable until he has been proper- t. , . , . . . . . . ,. Vy lntrodut!l by an old Brooklynite, This once done, he Is established In their confidence. Now, Ben Blanchard managed to make his entry Into Montague street under the auspices of a certain Brooklynite of ancient and honorable lineage. Through the introduction thus afforded him, the community promoter made a number of acquaintances of a highly beneficial sort , Among the communities which Blanchard had brought Into being were a couple in western Kansas. At various points farther west he was in touch with other promoters to whom he Introduced "good things" from the East, receiving In return a percentage of the ensuing plunder. Once a year he was accustomed to Issue invitations for a western trip to the rich and "easy" people whom he met In the East. The junket was done In fine style. A special car with attendants was provided, the food was excellent, at Topeka and the stopping places beyond, the local boards of trade did honor to the distinguished visitors, and so did the local news papers to the extent of many columns. During the very last trip en gineered by Blanchard I acted as "his torian" to use the Blanchardian term. In reality, I was his press agent Thus It was that he happened to have, a certain experience with railroad su perstition. The party, after visiting Denver and Manltou, was on its way east. At Pu eblo, one afternoon, there was a change of engines, and, as it subse quently turned out, the engineer had orders to "let her lick" across the prairie so as to show the eastern gen try that there was nothing slow about that particular section. An old-time 'dobe house, not far from the depot had excited the inter est of some of the party, and while awaiting their return the writer walked up the platform, carrying a kodak of goodly proportions. Jim Dell, the en gineer tall, lank, and sunburnt to the hue of an Indian was just getting Into the cab. His fireman followed. wiping his fingers on a clout of greasy waste. The camera was made ready for action. Dell wheeled sharply as the bellows- catch of the camera clicked. Then he frowned at the instrument and Its owner. "You're sure thlnkin' of gettin' a pic ture of this here machine?" I said that was my plan. "And of me and my pardner?" I nodded. "Well, I'm saying this, I am. The machine can't get away from you, I s'pose. But I'll be durned If you get my face or Bill's inside the contrap tion. Why? For reasons good rea- sons! I've never had my picture took by one of them black boxes that was owned by a passenger but what trou ble of several sorts followed. Ain't that the truth, Bill?" Bill grunted assent. Then the pair clambered hastily into the cab, and even as they did so the bulb was pressed, and a good nega tive of two greasy rear-facades was secured. Dell followed instructions in the matter of speed, as a roaring, swirl lng wake of dust and dried cactus at tested. But the going was too good to last. Whether the hoodoo In the "black box" bestirred itself, or whether BUI got too busy with the fire shpvel, the narrator knoweth not. The fact re mains, however, that less than fifty miles from the starting point the en gine and the car came to a jagged halt As the camera registered a record of the wreck, Jim and his helper cursed eastern dudes whose hoodoos worked mischief with western loco motives. It was three hours before Pueblo furnished another engine that, even to the lay eye, looked grouchy and su perannuated. "It's that confounded old highbind er, No. 5," Jim was heard to mutter as the fresh engine wheezed Into sight over a roll of the prairie. "Hear the durned bron-l-cal lungs of her." Anyhow, No. 6 was coupled up, and Jim and his helper proceeded to throw It Into her for all that they were worth, and a trifle more fian she was. Thirty miles had not beef cov ered, when the car seemed to I'irn itself into an aeroplane for a sickly ing second or so, came back down on the rails with a spine jarring thud, and then stopped with a suddenness that threw people and things In un studied heaps throughout its length. Luckily the camera was unhurt, Naturally everybody made for the doors. .A few left by the windows The cause of the unscheduled stop was plain. No. 5 had snapped her driving-rod near the middle, and It had smashed the cab to fragments. Bill and Jim had apparently vanished Into thin air. The wreck was strik ing, and even picturesque, so the camera was made ready. . Then we were all made conscious of a gaunt, black and blood-covered ap parition arising from a nearby clump of sagebrush, swearing horribly, and picking burs from out its cheeks and hands. It was Jim disguised In hla gore and the grime of the accident He lifted up his voice and yelled. "What did I tell you about that black box? I tell ye all," went on Jim, addressing the tourists collectively In a roar, "it that there box has a berth on the car ag'ln I don't drive no en gine In front of It!" "You hear him," snortlngly supple mented Bill, who now appeared from the other side of the engine. He had evidently fallen face downward Into a clump of cacti, and the spines In his nose and lips made him speak snuf- fllngly. "And," added Bill, shooting a ma levolent glance at the camera owner, "if I had my way, there'd be a cer tain fool party left behind on the prai rie in company with his fool ma chine." It took much persuasion, argument, cajolery and entreaty before Jim gave consent for the camera to travel be hind him, and when he left us at South Hutchinson, Kan., he wore an evident look of relief. But that was not the whole or the end of the hoodoo. On the way to Kansas City one of the party let a valuable gold watch slide out of an open window. At St. Louis It was discovered that a flange of the car wheel had suddenly worn as thin as cardboard, and that a bad accident had been narrowly averted. Before this, when on the home stretch between Buffalo and New York,' Blanchard arose and, address ing the party, expressed his gratifica tion at meeting'so many men of con genial disposition and sterling worth; and, in order to commemorate the oc casion, he was going to do his good, his ever dear friends a Bmall service, etc., etc. He was going to let them in on a little deal which he had intend ed to keep all to himself, but which, on second thought, he had determined to share with those whose friendship he had learned to, etc., etc. Every man bit. Six months later I met a member of the party on Broadway. "Say," said he, "have you still got that camera of yours?" "Yes, why?" '. "Oh, nothing. But I begin to believe in Jim and his superstitions. May be if the camera, hadn.'! brought bad luck on board, myself and the other id iots wouldn't have lost large sums to Blanchard." Vivisection. The growth of vivisection Is indi cated in a White paper just issued The total number of experiments on living animals in 1913 in England was 88,158 or 4,559 more than in 1912. Of these 81,809 consisted of inoculating bv hvDodermic Injections, and some few other proceedings performed with out anesthetics. Only 2,939 were of such a nature that they came under the licensing provision of the act, which stipulates that the animal must be kept under an anesthetic during the whole of the experiment, and must, if the pain is likely to continue after its effect has ceased, or if any serious injury has been inflicted on the ant' mal, be killed before it recovers from the Influence of the anesthetic. As many as 26,269 experiments were per formed by 32 licenses, working at ten Institutions, In the course of cancer Investigations, most of them being In oculations into mice. The total num ber of licenses was 638. Several Ir regularities by individuals are record ed but In no case has the license been rescinded. Defeat That Wat Victory. One hundred years ago the cele brated American privateer "General Armstrong," In command of Capt, Samuel C. Reld, ran the blockade of British warships off Sandy Hook and put to sea on what was destined to be her last voyage. The ship arrived at the island of Fayal, in the Azores, and soon afterward three British war ships entered the bay. After a fruit less effort to es?ve, Captain Reld cleared his decks for action. The Brit ish made three attacks on the "General Armstrong" In small boats, and each time were beaten oft with heavy loss. Finally the British vessels closed In and began a heavy fire. Finding fur ther resistance against such over whelming odds futile, Captain Reld set a fuse to his magazine and with his crew safely got ashore. This bat tle was the last naval engagement of the war of 1812. In the action the British lost 350 in killed and wounded, while the American loss was but two killed and seven wounded. Observed of All Observers. The Friend They tell me your son is attracting a gocd deal of attention The Enthusiastic Father I should say be is! Have you seen him? There'B nothing lacking. He's got 'em all linen suit, cane, wrist watch and white Bocks. ' It That 8o? "Isn't It pretty tough to be at old a you are?" we asked the centenarian. "Should say not," was the reply, "Why every insurance agent in towl dodges me." Cincinnati Enquirer, WET" and J. NOT QUALIFIED AS MUSICIAN Sambo Declined Placjo on Band Be cause He Couldn't Even Carry Tune on a Mouth Organ. The conversation in the lobby of a Washington hotel the other night turned to charitable work, when Con gressman William P, Borland of Mis souri was reminded of an Incident along that line. Soma time ago Sambo Smith was watching the development of a water melon vine in his garden on the out skirts of a southern city, when the esteemed Washington Snow rambled down the road and became a part of the Immediate scenery, Mlstah Smith," began the esteemed Snow, trailing his way across the gar den, "I hab come to see yo' on some ponhtant blzness." "Yes, sah," agreeably answered Sambo. "What kin I do fo' yo', Mistah Snow?" We am gittin' up a mission band, Mistah Smith," Impressively replied the other, "an' we would like yo' ter jlne." Say, Mistah Snow," broadly smiled Sambo, "yo' make me laugh like great happiness! Yo' know berry well dat t kain't eben carry a tune on a maut organ." Philadelphia Telegraph. Dying, Egypt, Dying. "Cleopatra, my Egyptian deity, why Is the local train from Rome to Cairo like a poor baseball league?" "Antony, my easy Mark, I confess I know not!" "Ah, Cleo, the local train from Rome to Cairo is like a poor baseball league because, Cleo, because of its many short stops!" Fanfare. Bus. Cleopatra reaches for favorite asp. Harvard Lampoon, Not Worth Mentioning, Snooker (fiercely) Your fowls have been over the wall and scratched my arden. Chanks (coolly) Well, there's noth lng extraordinary in that. It's their nature to scratch. Now, if your gar den were to come over the wall and scratch my fowls, it would be extra ordinary, and something worth com municating. Pearson's Weekly. What Next? The following, overheard on the sub way, is offered to our readers without prejudice: "The women are now Importuning President Wilson to establish a worn an's Independence day. Great Caesar Are they never satisfied? They al ready have 365 such days." New York Post. Financial Finesse. 'Has Burroughs paid you that $5 he owes you?" "Yes; and say, that fellow Is a born financier." "What do you mean?" "He paid the $5 in the morning and established confidence to such a de gree that he borrowed ten that after noon." WORK8 BOTH WAY8. WIggs Courtesy helps business. Woggs Yes, and good business makes a man feel a heap more polite, too. . ' How It Happened. "How did the accident happen?" SBked the sympathetic friend. "Well, I'll tell you," replied the man on crutches. "The automobile was go ing pretty fast and all of a sudden we struck a wet place on the asphalt and there was a noise and the doctor said "He'll be able to be around in about our weeks." No Consistency. "I don't understand George,1 the bride. "How so?" said "He told me to sweeten his coffee with a smile, which I did. And then he went and put in two lumps ol sugar, anyhow." WORK OF SKILL AND DARING Japanese Whalemen Constantly Risk Uvea In the Pursuit of Moit Dangerous Quarry, Many of the Japanese whalemen are most expert and daring men. After a whale has been cornered, harpooned and Is Blowly giving out from exhaus tion the nimble expert of the whaling crew must prove his mettle. The skilled Jap, after jumping upon the animal's back and cutting two gashes In. the head, one on each side, through which a rope must be run, and tied, cannot always perform his work In one trial. Often the animal makes a deep dive. But the little Jap must hold fast to his quarry and dive alBo, trusting to the fates that his own air supply In his lungs will last as long as that of the whale's. ' The Jap It safer from being drowned thar from being crushed by the infu riated animal'i tall, li the little Jap lets go It usually means his death o he hangs on to the diving quarry. Frequently these whalemen lose their lives from drowning, but the members of their crew look upon this misfor tune with something of a fatalistic regard. But the main business In hand is the capture of the whale. As the fight progresses and the maddened, fright ened mammal grows weaker and. finally, Is dying, the boat crews row closer to the body and pray for the ease of his departing spirit. Members of, the crew will call out the words, Joraku 1 Joraku! Joraku!" and on the third day after the mammal has been hauled ashore a service la held and prayers offered for the animal's future contentment of spirit. As soon as the animal has been towed to the shore line he is cut up, the Japs are making huge excavations and penetrating Inside the animal's body as though entering a mine shaft or gallery, and eventually making their exit, all covered with blood, it is a gruesome sight, but is looked upon purely as a matter of course among the Jap whalemen. Dlstractlont of War, Among the distractions of war it's plain that there's got to be a bit of brushing up in the knowledge of ge ography and history on the part of the parent If he would maintain his high seat of. omniscience in the sight of his Inquiring offsprlngf "Papa, what are the Balkans?" in quired a little chap who had been por ing over his papers. 'High hills, my son, high hills." 'They're mountains, aren't they?" "Why ah yes. I believe they are," answered papa, who has a some what vague notion of that distant ram part. The paper says Austria is going to take them," pursued the persistent Willie. "What are they going to do with them?" Here papa has to cast about In his mind for a moment. 'Oh, well," he equivocates, "IgueBS that's Just figurative language. I don't suppose they'll really try to move them, you know." "But, papa, the paper says" "Tut! tut! Never mind what It says and say, don't you think it's about time you were going to bed?" Battle of Lake Champlain. One hundred years ago the Ameri cans defeated the British In the battle of Lake Champlain, the last big naval engagement of the war of 1812. In the Bcale of military Importance to the outcome of the war, this defeat and capture of the British squadron by Commodore Macdonough more than offset the British raid on Washington. With Macdonough'a suc cess command of the lake passed to the Americans, and the invasion of New York state by Sir George Pre- voBt's army was necessarily aban doned. That was the most formidable army the British brought Into the field in the whole course of the war. Gen eral Macomb with a mixed force of regulars and Vermont militia had held the British In check on land while Commodore Macdonough was defeat ing their fleet on the lake. Prevost dared not continue the campaign after bis flank was exposed to the American fleet, and quietly returned to Canada, The result of the battle of Lake Cham plain as to expedite the program of the pence negotiations at Ghent. Knew Too Much. "They say that it pays to be an all around linguist," said a man who had just put his feet on American soil after a lively and trifle too interest ing European experience; "but I'm not so sure about that. When I was a youth I acqulrjd a pretty fair smatter ing of four languages, and when they had me on the anxious seat in Ger many, instead of sticking to good old English, I foolishly began blattlng a mixture of German, French and Ital ian, and it took a half dozen Influen tial Americans to keep them from do ing things to me as a spy." The Male of the Species. Patience I see some farmers in Germany use roosters for hatching eggs and raising the chicks. They take better care of the chicks than hens do, even fighting hawks to pro tect them, and running with them mucB longer. Patrice Perhaps the hens have the voto over there. Automobile Trick, Bill What's Gill doing now? Jill Studying forestry, I guess. "What makes you think so?" "Well, I saw him In his automobile, today, and he was trying to climb a treel" SUCCESS- Depends Upon Your Training Our courses In Shorthand. Fan manship. Business Training and Telegraphy will equip you for a successful business career. FALL TERM SEPTEMBER 7. BUSINESS COLLEGE. Fourth Street, Near Morrison, Portland, Or. We Guarantee Positions for All Our Graduates. Write Us, No Trouble to Answer. The Successful Brood Mar. Sloping shoulders and sloping pat terns, associated with straight, well set, strongly muscled legs and dense, tough feet are extremely essential to longevity or hard service. The back should be comparatively straight, strong, short, closely coupled, well muscled and support a deep chest of medium width, good deep ribt and flank. The rump should carry width to the tail, which should set fairly high. The hind legs of the hors should be set well under the body. Strong hocks, well-set and sloping pat terns are of great value. True, level action with good Btyle Is essential In all good horses. Breeder and Sports man. Putnam Fadeless Dyes do not stain the hands. Gone, But Not Forgotten. William had not been In the other world long when George wooed and won the promise of his widow. 'Do you love me, sweetheart? ask ed George. . ' "Yes, dear, cooed the widow. "Better than anybody on earth?" persisted he, after the foolish manner of lovers. "Yes," Bhe answered, "better than any one on earth; but, George, don't ask me about heaven." Judge. Week-End In the Village. The Tourist (spending a week-end in the village, to the oldest Inhabitant) Well, I don t know what you do here. - It's certainly the most dead-and-alive show I was ever in. The Oldest Inhabitant Ah, 'e ought to wait till next week, zur, an' Bee how the place 'nil be stirred up then. The Tourist Why, what's on next week? The Oldest Inhabitant Plowin'. Lon don Sketch, Great Invention. "I reckon," said Farmer Corntossei, as how mebhe barbed-wire ought to be counted as one of the most useful inventions of the age." 'For what reason?" . 'When there's a lot o' work to be done, .barbed-wire makes it impossible fur a feller to sit on the fence an' look on." Washington Star. The Waning Honeymoon. "Terrible scene at my house today," said Mr. Nuwed. "My wife says 1 don't love her any longer." And married only two months. How's that?" " ' "Because instead of my usual roses I took home a nice head of cabbage." Louisville Courier-Journal. A Good Time To Begin. Nod Here's a doctor who says you can get Into the habit of not Bleeping without physical harm. Todd That's an Idea. When 1b ths best time to begin? Nod I'm going to try it while my wife Is away for the summer. Life. Her First Pie. Mrs. McBride Oh, John, don't cut your pie with a knife. McBride Huh! You ought to be thankful that I don't call for a can opener. Boston Transcript. Rheumatic Throat Is Common Trouble Should Be Treated in Blood To Prevent Recurrence. There nro atircesnful garsles. that atop BorpneHH in the tiinjat, but to prevtmt their lnci'HHant return, the blood mut be put in ordi-r. The bent remedy Is 8. H. S., as It lnflumma all the functlona of the body to centralize tho Irritants or waste pi-odurtB nnd to stimulate their excretion through, the proper channels. Kheumatlc sore throat In a dangerous hvllentlon, oa It means that the blood l loaded with more uric aeld thaa the kid neya can excrete, and may thus lead to lerloua general disturbance. The action of H. H. H. stimulates cellular activity. Jt prevents the accumulation of Irritants In iocnl spotx. It enablea the arteries to supply quickly the new rud blond to replace worn-out tissue. Tor this reason uric aeld that finds the throat an easy prey to Its breaklnif-down Influence, Is acaltcred and eliminated, la other words, K. H. H. prevents chronic con ditions by enahllnic all the mucous llnlurs of the body to secrete healthy mucus. Its Influence Is shown In a marked Improve ment of the bronchial tubes, whereby the husklncHS of voice with thick, Kraylsa ex pectations Is overcome, 8. H. k, well diluted with water, means a blood bath, since It is welcome to any stomach, and at once gets Into the blood. H. H. S. Is free of all mineral! and eon tains Ingredients wofldurfully conducive to well-balanced health. You can get it at any drttK store, but to not accept anything else. There la danger In substitutes. H. S. H. Is prepared only by The Swift Specific Co., 62H rVwift Uldjf., Atlanta, tla. Our pedicel Dept. will give you free Instruction, bv mall on any subject of bioud dlsurdcra. Write tuday. F. N. U. No. 42, IBM WHEN writlnc to advertisers, pleeae Hon this paper. g. E. Car. Third and Waahiogtoa.