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© 2015 Rob Brezsny
Week of March 12
ARIES (March 21-April 19): In the old Superman com-
ics, Mister Mxyztplk was a fiendish imp whose home
was in the fifth dimension. He sometimes sneaked over
into our world to bedevil the Man of Steel with pranks.
There was one sure way he could be instantly banished
back to his own realm for a long time: If Superman
fooled him into saying his own name backwards. You
might think it would be hard to trick a magic rascal
into saying “Klptzyxm” when he knew very well what
the consequences would be, but Superman usually
succeeded. I’d like to suggest that you have a similar
power to get rid of a bugaboo that has been bothering
you, Aries. Don’t underestimate your ability to out-
smart the pest.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In 1637, mathemati-
cian Pierre de Fermat declared that he had solved the
“Last Theorem,” a particularly knotty mathematical
problem. Unfortunately, he never actually provided
the proof that he had done so. The mystery remained.
Other math experts toiled for centuries looking for the
answer. It wasn’t until 1994, more than 350 years later,
that anyone succeeded. I think you are on the verge of
discovering a possible solution to one of your own long-
running riddles, Taurus. It may take a few more weeks,
but you’re almost there. Can you sense that twinkle in
your third eye? Keep the faith.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Your upcoming efforts
might not be flawless in all respects, but I suspect you
will triumph anyway. You may not even be completely
sure of what you want, but I bet you’ll get a reward you
didn’t know you were looking for. Cagey innocence and
high expectations will be your secret weapons. Dumb
luck and crazy coincidences will be your X-factors.
Here’s one of your main tasks: As the unreasonable
blessings flow in your direction, don’t disrupt or ob-
struct the flow.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): As soon as a baby logger-
head turtle leaves its nest on a Florida beach, it heads
for the ocean. It’s only two inches long. Although it
can swim just one mile every two hours, it begins an
8,000-mile journey that takes ten years. It travels east
to Africa, then turns around and circles back to where
it originated. Along the way it grows big and strong as
it eats a wide variety of food, from corals to sea cucum-
bers to squid. Succeeding at such an epic journey re-
quires a stellar sense of direction and a prodigious will
to thrive. I nominate the loggerhead turtle to be your
power animal for the coming weeks, Cancerian.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In 1961, 19-year-old Bob Dy-
lan began doing solo performances of folk songs at
New York clubs. To accompany his vocals, he played an
acoustic guitar and harmonica. By 1963, his career had
skyrocketed. Critics called him a creative genius. Pop
stars were recording the songs he wrote, making him
rich. But he still kept his instrumentation simple, rely-
ing entirely on his acoustic guitar and harmonica. That
changed in 1965, when he made the leap to rock and
roll. For the first time, his music featured a full drum
set and electric guitar, bass, and keyboards. Some of
his fans were offended. How dare he renounce his folk
roots? I wonder if it might be time for you to consider
a comparable transition, Leo. Are you willing to risk
disorienting or disturbing those who would prefer you
to stay as you are?
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “Whoever travels without
a guide needs 200 years for a two-day journey.” That’s
an old Sufi saying sometimes attributed to the poet
Rumi. I don’t think it’s accurate in all cases. Some-
times we are drawn to wander into frontiers that few
people have visited and none have mastered. There are
no guides! On other occasions, we can’t get the full-
ness of our learning experience unless we are free to
stumble and bumble all by ourselves. A knowledgeable
helper would only interfere with that odd magic. But
right now, Virgo, I believe the Sufi saying holds true for
you. Where you’re headed, you would benefit from an
advisor, teacher, or role model.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): There’s a meme rolling
around Tumblr and Facebook that goes like this: “Ev-
eryone wants a magical solution for their problems, but
they refuse to believe in magic.” Judging from the as-
trological omens, I think this Internet folk wisdom ap-
plies to your current situation. As I see it, you have two
choices. If you intend to keep fantasizing about finding
a magical solution, you will have to work harder to be-
lieve in magic. But if you can’t finagle your brain into
actually believing in magic, you should stop fantasiz-
ing about a magical solution. Which will it be?
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I have taken a passage
from a letter that Henry Miller wrote to Anais Nin,
and I have chopped it up and rearranged it and added
to it so as to create an oracle that’s perfect for you right
now. Ready? “This is the wild dream: you with your
chameleon’s soul being anchored always in no matter
what storm, sensing you are at home wherever you are.
You asserting yourself, getting the rich varied life you
desire; and the more you assert yourself, the more you
love going deeper, thicker, fuller. Resurrection after
resurrection: that’s your gift, your promise. The insa-
tiable delight of constant change.”
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): One of your im-
portant assignments in the coming week is to get high
without the use of drugs and alcohol. Let me elaborate.
In my oracular opinion, you simply must escape the
numbing trance of the daily rhythm. Experiencing
altered states of awareness will provide you with cru-
cial benefits. At the same time, you can’t afford to risk
hurting yourself, and it’s essential to avoid stupidly
excessive behavior that has negative repercussions.
So what do you think? Do you have any methods to get
sozzled and squiffed or jiggled and jingled that will
also keep you sane and healthy?
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Singer Gloria Gaynor
recorded the song “I Will Survive” in 1978. It sold over
two million copies and ultimately became an iconic
disco anthem. And yet it was originally the B-side of
“Substitute,” the song that Gaynor’s record company
released as her main offering. Luckily, radio DJs ig-
nored “Substitute” and played the hell out of “I Will
Survive,” making it a global hit. I foresee the possibil-
ity of a similar development for you, Capricorn. What
you currently consider to be secondary should perhaps
be primary. A gift or creation or skill you think is less
important could turn out to be pre-eminent.
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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I’m tempted to fur-
row my brow and raise my voice as I tell you to please
please please go out and do the dicey task you’ve been
postponing. But that would just be a way to vent my
frustration, and probably not helpful or constructive
for you. So here’s my wiser advice: To prepare for that
dicey task, lock yourself in your sanctuary until you
figure out what you first need to change about yourself
before you can accomplish the dicey task. I think that
once you make the inner shift, doing the deed will be
pretty easy.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In the fairy tale “The
Ugly Duckling,” the young hero suffers from a pecu-
liar case of mistaken identity. He believes that he is
a duck. All of his problems stem from this erroneous
idea. By duck standards, he is a homely mess. He gets
taunted and abused by other animals, goes into exile,
and endures terrible loneliness. In the end, though,
his anguish dissolves when he finally realizes that he
is in fact a swan. United with his true nature, he no
longer compares himself to an inappropriate ideal.
Fellow swans welcome him into their community, and
he flies away with them. Is there anything in this story
that resonates with you, Pisces? I’m guessing there is.
It’s high time to free yourself from false notions about
who you really are.
Homework
If you could be any other sign
besides the one you actually are,
what would it be, and why? Testify at
FreeWillAstrology.com.
check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes &
Daily Text Message Horoscopes
freewillastrology.com
The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at
naturespetmarket.com
Mack
PEEWEE
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in one of our upcoming Pet Showcases,
contact:
MATT PLAMBECK
503-445- 2757
1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700
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