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FO
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there’s more to
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om
than depression.
When symptoms persist,
there may be more you can do.
If feelings such as depressed mood or lack of energy
are keeping you from the things that matter to
you, you may be eligible for this research study. It’s
evaluating an investigational drug designed to work
with antidepressants to see if it can help address
unresolved symptoms of depression.
All eligible study participants will receive at no cost:
Consultation with
study doctor
Study drugs
Study-related care
and visits
TO LEARN MORE:
Oregon Center for Clinical
Investigations, Inc.
503-276-6224
Whether or not you are currently taking an antidepressant,
you may be eligible to participate.
man sues oregon lottery
I hate lotteries. They are designed (as WW’s
graphics show) as taxes on the working class
and poor—no matter the education [“Man vs.
Machine,” WW, March 4, 2015]. Everyone thinks
they can outguess/outsmart the lottery.
That being said, Justin Curzi has a right to
pursue this: Using the auto-hold feature in video
poker is deceptive—even in the context of play-
ing a lottery game—and players do have a right to
a fair shot.
—“Edith Spencer”
All Oregonians are partially to blame here, if only
because voters allowed the lottery to function in
lieu of citizens actually paying taxes to pay for
the government we demand.
Shifting those costs to games of “chance” was
a model for rigging the system. Congrats to Curzi
for exposing the ruse the lottery puts over on the
poor and ill-informed, but really, Oregon, what
did you expect when we decided that gambling
was a good way to fund state services?
—“OregonBoy”
The lottery commission has a duty to inform,
and the odds should be explicitly clear to anyone
who sits down at a video poker terminal. If they
weren’t readily apparent to a smart, attentive
guy like Curzi, the commission has failed in its
duty to inform.
—“Seems2Me”
Costs for small brewers
A business is forced to follow regulations that
were put in place to measure environmental
impact. The business does not want to follow
regulations [“Mead It and Weep,” WW, March 4,
2015].
Sorry, no sympathy here. These regulations
were put in place to protect the environment,
and therefore benefit everyone. A business
should not be allowed to circumvent these regu-
lations just because they don’t want to.
I am excited to try this mead, though. It
should be a great addition to Portland’s fine col-
lection of breweries and cideries.
—“Adam Herstein”
This ruling has been made out of ignorance. If
they would just educate themselves about the
process, they might sing a different tune. (I say
might because they are, after all, bureaucrats.)
—“Michael Bennett”
Timbers fans sound off
As someone who sits in the front of section 108,
you can fuck right off [“Timers Fans, Mapped,”
WW, March 4, 2015]. I’ve never gone Black Fri-
day shopping. I’d tear into you more, but I’m in
line for the Timbers and need to conserve my
battery life.
—“Kris Carpenter”
This is far more amusing than I expected it to be.
Polite applause for you, WW.
—“Joshua Noble”
LEtters to the editor must include the author’s
street address and phone number for verification.
Letters must be 250 or fewer words.
Submit to: 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210.
Fax: (503) 243-1115. Email: mzusman@wweek.com.
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these calls/texts are generated using automated dialing systems and this consent is not required to
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4
Willamette Week MARCH 11, 2015 wweek.com
Do perching pigeons have motion
detectors? Every time I walk under
one, its bowels promptly explode on
my bald spot or exquisitely manu-
factured hat. The west side of the
Broadway Bridge is like a gauntlet of
milky fecal rain. Fuck these pigeons.
—Not Your Statue
“Fuck these pigeons” is not, strictly speaking, a
question, Statue, but I’ll let it slide in deference
to your obvious emotional distress.
If it’s any consolation, the pigeons are not
exactly defecating on your head. Pigeons make
no distinction between Nos. 1 and 2—their diges-
tive and urinary tracts disgorge their products
into a single chamber, called the cloaca (Latin
for “cesspool”).
Pigeons carry this slurry of already-excreted
urine and feces around for a while because
everything birds do, except flying, is completely
disgusting. The addition of urine to the mix
helps explain how birds can drop so many
bombs in a day.
Moreover, they’ll drop the vast majority of
those bombs from the stationary, roosting posi-
tion you’ve noted. Unlike seagulls, who seem to
delight in dive-bombing freshly waxed Miatas,
pigeons don’t like to crap while flying—appar-
ently, it’s difficult for them to do without soiling
their own feet.
There’s an urban legend that it’s literally
impossible for a pigeon to drop a midair deuce,
but cooler heads suggest the truth is more
nuanced. After all, when push comes to shove,
you or I could take a shit while driving (don’t ask
me how I know this)—but it’s definitely some-
thing we’d try to avoid if at all possible.
Given the difficulty of shedding payload
in flight, it makes sense for birds to clear the
decks anytime they might have to make a quick
getaway—like, say, when a large and terrifying
human is passing directly below.
In short, the pigeons shit on anyone they feel
threatened by. In this respect, if no other, they
are indeed true Americans.
Questions? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com