ORJGQOX CITY, OEEGON, FBIDAY, OCTOBER 27, 1871. jc iUcckln (Enterprise. UNDEMOCRATIC PAPER, FOR TITB businessman, the Farmer And the FAMILY CIRCLE. VSUED EVERY FRIDAY EY A. NOLTNER, EDITOR AND PUBLISHER. ar FFICE In Dr.The?s;ng's Dik-k Building. 'TERMS of SUBSCRIPTION: Single Copy one year, in advance, $2 50 TER MS of A I) VER TISING : Transient advertisements, including all leal notice, V f 12 lines, 1 v.$ 2 50 Frr eauli subsequent insertion 1 00 One Column, one year $120 00 Hilf " " GO yi.irter " " 40 Uasiness Card, 1 sqnare one year 12 KIT Remittance? to be made (it the risk o Su')criber4, and at the tsparre of Agents. BOOK AND JOB PRINTING. jft'S" The Enterprise office is supplied with beautiful, approved styles of type, and mod ern MACin.VK PlUv-WIW, which will enable t ie Proprietor to do Job ITmting at all times Neat, Quick and Cheap ! tfg- Work solicited. All ll'itiiit tr:i:i ictions upon a Specie bail. IIJW TIIBY Il.vh IH3I. When I was yonna: and tender too I hud to mind and had to do Whatever mother bade me. She used to have a walnut stick. Which kept me on the double-quick, And that was where she had me. When older grown, and quite a beau Anions the frills. I used to know A MNs I'risciila Quduiy ; .X nd v. ith Hie ludp of smiles and nods J fell in love at forty rods And that is where she had me. When I wa3 older, say sixteen, I thought i: lime to have a queen, And asked her it she'd vd ni". '.?he'f3 lid she didn't much object, 'Or words sotnetliiiiff to that eil'ect, And that is where the had me. Hut when, to make1 the matter straight, I went up to negotiate Affairs with Colonel Cadmy. lie said he "didn't c ue to sell."' lb told me I might go 1o well, And that was where he had me. I drowned my sorrow in the cup Until I got my dander up. (I couldn't hare been much madder) When she proposed that we be one In spite of pa the thing was done, And that was where 1 had her. Two lovely urchins on my knee Fin proud to say belong to me, (That is. to me and madam :) For when we left our native sod We spent a year or two abroad. And that was where we had "em. A Slanderous Telegram. From London Court Circular. Otto of the peers of England lately made himself very seriously and needlessly wretched about the fidelity of his wife, though tli ere was some excuse for it. During the Army-bill debate, the lady's noble husband, who is as proud and fond of her as he should be, was about to deliver a violent attack, upon something or somebody, when a telegram was put into his bauds, lie read it, turned pale, and quitted the house, called a cab, drove to the Charing Cross station, and wont to Dover, and was not heard of till the next day, when he returned to his own home, and to his first inquiry was told that the countess was in her own room. lie hastened to her, and a terrific row ensued, the ex act words of which no one knows but themselves. At last, however, he burst out : "Then what did you mean by your telegram ?" "Mean ? What I said, of course. What are you talking about?1' "Head it for yourself," returned the still unappcased husband. She did read : "I ike with Mr. , to Dover straight. Pray for me." For a moment she was startled, but then burst into a hearty fit of laughter. "Most dreadful telegraph people. Xo wonder you are out of your mind. I telegraphed simply: "I tea with Mrs. , in Dover street. Stay for me." His lordship was so savagc at he laugh he had raised against himself; that he was at first in clined to make a parliamentary question of it ; but listened to more judicious advice, refrained. Two Kinds Take Torn Choice. There are two kinds of girls; one is the kind that appears best when abroad the girls that are good for parties, rides, visits, balls, Arc., and whose chief delight is in such things. The other is the kind that appears best at home the girls that are useful and cheer ful in the dining room, sick room, And all the precincts of home. They differ widely in character. One is often a torment at home; the other a blessing; one is a moth, consuming everything about her; the other is a sunbeam, inspiring light and gladness all around her pathway. The right kind of edu cation will modify both, and unite the qualities of both. A Good Rule. Back yo ur friends and face your enemies. A Great Farmer's Maxims- The successful life of Mr. Jacob Strawn,the prince of American farmers is attributed to the close observance of the following max ims, originated by himself: When you wake up do not roll over, but roll out. It will rnve you time to ditch all your sloughs, break them, harrow them, How them. Make your fencing high and strong, and tight, so that it will keep the cattle and pigs out. If you have brush"" make your lots secure, and keen vour lios f from the cattle; for, if the corn 'is j kept clean, they will eat it better than if it is not. lie sure to get your hands to bed by seven o'clock they will rise early by force of circumstances. Pay a hand, if lie is a poor hand, all you promise him; if he is a good hand, pay him a little more; it will encourage him to do still better. Always feed your hands as well as you do voursclf, for the labor ing. men are the bone and sinew of the land, and ought to be well treated. I am satisfied that early rising, industry and regular habits, are the best medicines ever prescribed for health. When rain v, bad weather comes, so that you cannot work out of doors, cut, split and haul your wood. Make your racks, fix you fence or a gate that is off its hinges, or weatherboard your barn where the wind has blown the siding off, or patch the roof of your barn or house. Study your interest closely, and do not spend your time in electing Presidents, Senators and other small officers, or talking of hard times when spending your time whittling store boxes, etc. Take vour time and make cal dilations, don't do things in a hur ry, but do them at the right time, and keep your mind as well as your body employed. Marriage Maxims The following marriage maxims are worthy of more than a hasty reading. Husbands need not pass them by, for thev are designed 'for wives; and wives should not de spise them for they are addressed to husbands: The very nearest approach to do mestic happiness on earth is in the cultivation, of absolute usefulness. Never talk to one and another, either alone or in company. Xever both be angry at once. Never speak loud to one another, unless the house is on fire. Let each one strive to yield oftenest to the wishes of the other. Never find fault unless it is per fectly certain that a fault lias been committed; and always speak lov ingly. Never taunt with a past mistake. Neglect the whole world lather than one another. Never make a remark at the ex pense of the other; it is a moan ness. Never part for a day without loving words to think of during abscence. Xever meet without a loving welcome. Never let the sun go down upon any anger or grievance. Never let any fault you have committed go by until you have frankly confessed it and asked for giveness. Never forget the happy hours of early love. Never sigh over what might have been, but make the best of what is. Never forget that marriage is ordained by, and that His blessing alone can make it what it should be. Never let your hopes stop short of the eternal home. Woman Suffrage. A woman, writing a sharp review of the wo man suffrage doctrine as advocated by the notorious Mrs. Woodhul, concludes with the observation that "one of the -evils to be dread ed when women vote, is that few besides courtesans will be able to obtain oflice." This seems to hit the case. In the same article the writer, referring to Woodhull's op erations among Senators-and mem bers of Congress, says : There is no telling what these modern Cleo patras may do, according to Mrs. Woodhull's own testimony, how ever 'cold and distant they may be at first, they soon send to her to visit them at their lodgings, after which they come out flat footed for woman suffrage.' Creditable. A Yankee paper says in an obituary notice, that "The deceased had been for several years director of a bank, notwith- tlll.li.llii!i iiit.il lie; uitu i -iiii3 tian, and universally respected. The Four. Seasons. Mustard, salt, pepper and vinegar. Another. We have been pained to hear of not less than two weddings knock ed into cocked hats during the pas two weeks in the one case by the lady "skedaddling" while her swain was riding night and day to wards Kerbyville for a license; in the other, by a sudden change of mind on the part of the lady on the wedding day. Now it be comes our painful duty to chroni cle another marriage knocked into "pi" this time, however, by the faithless swain, who, by-the-by, happens to be a preacher. It seems he took an affectionate leave of his lady love for the purpose of proem ing a license. She desired to go with him, but out of consid eration for her comfort, lie protest ed he could not allow it, as the ride to Kerbj'ville would be too fa tiguing. Well, he rode off gaily after the piece of paper which should authorize him to enter into the "holy bonds of padlock" that veiy evening. But, alas! he never returned. The last heard of him he was crossing the mountains in a direction different from Kerby ville, to fill an appointment. The most charitable construction to be placed on his conduct is, that he forgot his pastoral duties in the midst of liis love-making, and only remembered them when about to consumate his nuptials when he haun t time to send back word to his forsaken damsel. So many of these little breaks occurring so close together constrains us to say, with the bewildered Dutchman, "Mine Gott, vot a beebles !"- 7 i j tea. Ge: mans in the United States. A table in the New York Her ald gives the following : The total number of Germans residing in the United is 1,600,533, distributed as follows: Alabama, 2,482 ; Arkansas, 1,503 ; Califor nia, 29,999 ; Connecticut, 12,443 ; Delaware, 1,142; Forida, 597 ; Georgia, 2,701 ; Illinois, 203,758 ; Indiana, 78,000 ; Iowa, CC,1C2 ; Kansas, 12,775 ; Kentucky, 30,318; Louisiana, 18,933 ; Mafne, 993 ; Maryland, 47,045 ; Massachusetts, 23,072 ; Michigan, 04,043 ; Minne sota, 41.3G4 Mississippi, 2,800; Missouri, 113,018; Nebraska, 10, 954; Nevada, 2,181; New Hamp shire, 43G ; New Jersey, 54,000 ; New York, 31G,902; North Caro lina,904 ; Ohio, 1 72,897 ; Oregon, 1,875; Pennsylvania, 100,1 4G ; Rhode Island, 1,201 ; South Caro lina, 2,751; Tennessee, 4,539; Texas, 23,085 ; Yermont,370 ; Wis consin, 192,314; Arizona, 379 ; Colorado, 1,450; Dakota, 503; District of Columbia, 4,920; Ida ho, 38S ; Montana, 1,233 ; New Mexico, 582; Utah, 358; Wash ington, G45, and Wyoming Terri tory, 05 z. -- A Tidal Wave. Of course the subject of universal interest just now is the predicted tidal wave, wiucn is to break: upon us the night of the 5th proximo. The anxiety about it, especially in the recently inundated district, has risen to a feverish heat. The peo ple gather at the street corners, and discuss the matter excitedly whilst many plans, looking to an escape from its effects, are pro posed with ingenious and elaborate cunning. Uiic person, an ancient matron from Ethiopia, has gone to work with energy, and, like Noah, will be prepared for the ad vent of the flood. Around a huge iron kettle sue lias constructed a raft of hencoops. Seated in the kettle, she expects to float away when the tide comes in, and save her chickens as well. "Do you think you'll get off, Aunty ?" inquired an interested spectator. "I'm gwinc to get off or bust this biler !" "And land on Ararat?" pur sued her questioner. "No," replied the sable devotee, "I-aint gwinc to carry nary rat along. I'se gwinc to take dese chickens !" The indignant emphasis of this assertion precluded all further in quiry. j O. Picayune. - An English lawyer insisted on speaking after the learned judge had cautioned him to desist, till at last his irritated lordship cried: "Sir, 'tis no use speaking; what you say to me goes in one car and out of the other." The advocate would not be si lenced. "My lord," he said, "Vis no wonder, when there's nothing be tween 'em to stop it." Soox. An ingenious mind has invented a sheep-shearing machine, to which the animal under opera tion supplies the motive power. W e shall soon have mutton roast ing itself and walking on the table. A Wife's Text. "The right man in the right place" a hus band at home in the evening Loose Life at Washington. The Washington correspondent of the New Yoik Jlerahl gives a frightful revelation of social life in certain high circles at Washington. He says: The public may have forgotten that one of the last acts of Presi dent Johnson was to remove from oflice, or retire from the active list, Rrcvet Maj-Gen. 15. W. Brico, Paymaster-General of the United States Army. Disobedience to orders, or indifference to them, which is the same thing, was the cause of the President's action. The clap-trap cry was instantly set up by lirice and his'claquers that "Brice was known to be a friend of Grant, hence disliked by Johnson," etc. That was enough whether true or not. The very first official act of President Grant was to re instate Price as Paymaster-General at the head of the Pay Depart ment. We are now told by President Grant's principal organ in New York, that Hodge's defalcation is manifestly the result of "the care lessness of the chief of his De partment" Gen. Price; that his examination of Hodge's accounts, as required by the law and regu lations of the Department, "was omitted because of the favoritism, and from the vicious S5'stcm which has prevailed in the Pay Depart ment, whose chief is, by his habits incapacitated for doing business, and who lends an easy faith to others, while he nglccts the affairs of his own office." A reform is required in other channels besides the one Avhich seems just now to attract the at tention of certain moral reformers, the press, and city authorites. Let the truly moral people of tuc j-nstrict revive tne great asn ingtonian movement in earnest, and appeal to the heads of the several Departments to sign the total abstinence pledge anil stop drinking and getting drunk. George S. Routwell, the -Secretary of the Treasury, is the only one of the Cabinet Ministers surrounding President Grant who. gets up every morning with a. clear head for business, lie never rises intoxi cating drinks. Let him deliver, as he can, an address in the House of Representatives upon the duty of men holding high and responsible positions of trust confided to them by the people. A Suspicious Husband- The SVcics Letter relates the fol lowing good one : Returning home late the other night, a gentleman living on Mis sion street disrobed without ( light ing the gas, and lay peacefully down beside the partner of his -! 11 1 ! joys, linking oacic upon tnc pil low, he straightway raised him self again and remarked': "I say. wife ! how's your pillow? Warm?" "Why, what a foolish question," returned she, "my pillow is all right." - "Is it real warm ?" he asked. "Certainly it is ; I've had my head on.it for three hours." Apparently satisfied, he lay down, and was silent for some time, when a vigorous nudging in the side of his wife proved he had another idea. "1 say, wife." "For goodness sake what do you want ?" petulantly answered the sleeping dame. "I say ! you don t use hair oil, do you ?" "Of course not ; you know that as well as anybody. Do for mercy's sake, go to sleep." A hour passed in silence, broken only by the solemn ticking of the' clock in the darkness. Then there was another spasmodic nudging : "I say, wife ; you didn't put the calf under this bed to-night, did you ?" "Gracious me !" returned the mat ron, "what is the matter with you? Of course the calf is not under the bed. Will you never go to sleep?" "Well," replied her lord, sliding his legs outside of bed, "I'm d d if there ain't something alive under here." There were the sounds of a scrabbling round, a partial upheav al of the couch, the quick gleam of a white garment making for the open window, through which it disappeared, a thrashing around the rose-bushes outside and all again was still. The custody of the children has been awarded to the husband. How They ahe Corrupted. How modest girls are corrupted at the watering-places is thus told by a correspondent: Our girls have sharp eyes and nimble perceptions. They see the sensible high-necks going to the wallj pushed aside by the favored belles, who do not wince at a liberal display of neck and bosom. These never go un attended, and are engaged many deep for all of the dances." Practical Hints. to Clean Oil-cloth. A good way of cleaning oii-clotji. -is to sponge it well with skini'miflc. as it brightens and preserves the color. 3filJc of 7iO.t's. Bitter almonds four ounces ; elderflower water, two ounces. Make an emulsion, and add oil of tartar, one ounce' and a half; tincture of benzoin one drachm. Cosmetic. Beautifies and renders the skin smooth. To Mal-e Black Soft Wax. Take bees' wax one pound, Tur pentine three ounces, oil of olives one ounce ; mix and melt them together, to which add lamp or ivory black; and when cool, make it into what form you please. 7b Destroy 'Warts. Dissolve as much common washing soda as the water will take ; wash the warts with this for a minute or two, and let them dry without wiping; keep the water in a bottle, and repeat the washing often and it will take away the largest warts. To Care Carbuncles. The fol lowing ointment is good for simple carbuncles : Take half a drachm of opium and mix up with two ounces of white ointment, spread as thick as the back of a knife on a linen rag and apply to the part three times a day. 7o Cure Stlnys of Tnsects. A remedy for the stings of wasp, bees, etc., that often proves effec tual, is simply to hold a chest key or any hollow key over the place stung, press it hard into the flesh a minute or so, and when taken off the poison will be on the surface of the flesh and do no harm. A thimble with a top will do, but not quite as well. Cax it ee True ? The New York Sun propounds the following interesting inquires: Can it be true that President Grant owns 50,000 in stock of the Seneca Sandstone Company of Washington. Can it be true that this stock was a present to him, and that he never paid one cent for the $50, 000 worth. Can it be true that this $50,000 of stock in the Seneca Sandstone Company was presented to Presi dent Grant by the owners of the Seneca quarry through the Hon. II. 1). Cooke of Washington. Can it be true that after this handsome present, President Grant appointed the Hon. Henry D. Cooke, governor of the District of Columbia. Can it be true that the Seneca Sandstone Company is making a great deal of money through vari ous official relatives in Wash ington. Ve trust all these questions can be answered in the negative. Pres ident Grant has so many political misdeeds to answer for that wc should hope that this particular case of present taking may be kept off his account. But we have re ceived a statement of the facts here intimated from such a source that we dare not withhold them from the public. -- Be Gextlemfx at Home. It is cruel and cowardly in any man to speak to the woman under his roof in a manner that would for ever disgrace him, if heard under any other. Yet how many do it, alas ! and even go their ways after it, selfishly forgetting the tears and bitterness they have caused, and selfishly expecting, if they re member it all, that on their return the domestic sky will be without a cloud. More the pity when it is ! Then, indeed, is there danger in the air ? for then too often comes deceit, and hypocrisy, and indifference. Refuses to Believe. The Troy Times refuses to believe that women are at the bottom of most of the ruin brought upon men and women and nations, and adds : By the side of each one of these 'ruined' men, history, by its silence at least, places millions of men who have not been ruined by wo men, and hundreds on hundreds who have been sustained and sup ported by good women, and un written and unwriteable history might show thousands and thou sands more." It is remarkable that the wealth iest citizens of Xew York are all at an age when most men are too infirm for affairs, yet they are not only hale and vigorous, but active ly engaged in conducting their own business. Wm. B. Astor is nearly 78 ; Alexander T. Stewart, 79 ; Cornelius Vanderbilt, 78 ; Daniel Drew, 74 ; Peter Cooper, 78 ; G. Law, 73. . Woxders of Fasuioxs. Wear my hat on my head ! Impossible, grandpa, dear. Haven' done such things for ages ! It's pinned on with my hair ! General Butler and Senator Sumner Sumner's Opinion of Grant. We have. seen in the Journal what purports to be an account of a private conversation between General Butler and Senators Sum ner and MWilspn, . Politics have come to a very bad pass when private conversations are retailed by anybody ; but when one por tion purports to be given, perhaps' it may ue as. well to give all parts We have heard that General But ler saw Senators Sumner and Wil son, yesterday, upon the subject of what was printed m the newspa pers. Air. Sumner said that while his language was not given, lie had had conversation with two editors. We learned also that a discussion was had between the senior Sena tor and General Butler upon the causes oi difference, Mr. Sumner saying that his difference with Gen-; eral Butler was a political one ;; that General Butler favored San Domingo, but that Sumner did not; General Butler favored the rcnom ination of Grant, and Mr. Sumner did not. General Butler then said that, this being the ground of the political difference" between Mr. Sumner and himself, the quicker the fight came olf the better, be cause he desired the integrity of the Republican party, wliich'Mr., Sumner and Mr. Greeley would certainly destroy, and General Butler saw no hope in the future of the Republican party but in the re nomination and election of General Grant. General Butler also stated that the Journal, having advised the Worcester Convention not to endorse the renomination of Gener al Grant was evidence of where it stood. There was much other per sonal conversation, which we re frain from publishing, even xjnder the provocation of a supposed, re port of it furnished to the Journal but which, if either of the Senator desire to have published, can be easily given in detail.- lo show Air. Sumner's opinion of Grant we have,, but ...to repeat what he has said on more than one occasion: "General Grant," he says, "is the lowest , man who ever sat in the Presidential chair; lower intellect ually than Andrew Johnson ; low er morally than Franklin Pierce and lower socially, because in pri vatC' life Mr. Pierce was a gentle man." This is the exact language used by Mr. Sumner, who does uot hesitate frankly to say that Gen eral Grant should be impeached for his conduct towards San Do- mm go JJoston Traveller. A Monstrous Womax. At the fortT -first annual, meeting of the British Association for the advance ment of science, recently held in Edinburgh, Sir Duncan Gibb con tributed " A Xote on the Fat Wo man now exhibiting in London. " As a rule, he said, enormously fat woman were rare compared with men. Caroline IIcenan,now exhib iting in London, is 22 years old, and weighs 40 stone or 500 lbs; she is 7 feet around the body, 3 feet 0 inches across the shoulders, and 2G inches around the arm. Differing from most fat people, though the limbs are very large, they are not exclusively composed of fat, a large proportion being due to her muscular development, which is confirmed by her history and actual inspection. The chest and abdomen are of course enorm ous, but not from simple obesity. Her growth and enlargement have been progressive from infancy, and withal she has been able to sus tain great muscular exercise that would have fatigued ordinary per sons, which is opposed to the view of pure adipose-enlargement. At 9 months she weighed seventy pounds, at 9 years she was eleven stone, and at 14 years she was twenty-four stone. She is hand some, and pleasing, face not fat or greasy, is highly intelligent, and not in any "way drowsy. She will in all probability progressively in crease as she gets older, and may become the largest and heaviest female who has yet been seen. -- Air. Coulter was the victim of a mistake in Missouri the other day. Several of his friends got together and fitted a rope around his neck and drew him up to a limb to make him confess to the particulars of a murder. lie wouldn't confess, and they let him hang just a min ute more. The coroner's jury re turned a verdict that 'the deceased came to his death by the improper care exercised by the lorn Taylor Vigilance Committee.' "I once dreamed," said Pat, "that I called upon the Governor, und he axed me would I drink, I tould him I didn't care if I tk a drop of punch. 'CoM or hot." axed the Governor. 'Tot, ycr Ex cellency,' said I ; and he stepped down in the kitchen for some rtnd neiore nu iivi, back I woke straie up; uuu now it's clistre&M" f hrjf. I f k n r, take it QFte Tomb of Sidney Johnston. "Town Talk" of the New Or leans Tunes gives us the following. ' The epitaph is indeed beautiful and and appropriate : o A lady correspondent, in a re cent stroll through the St. Louis Cemetery in this city, visited the grave of Gen. Albert Sidney John ston, and found a written epitaph pasted upon a rough board attach ed to the tomb, in her note to T. T., our far correspondent says she . was affected to tears ujon reading it, and took the trouble to copy il, verbatim. Here is the beautiful epitaph: , IX memorial. Behind this stone I.i laid, for a season. AL11ERT SIDNEY JOIIXSTOX. - A General in the army of the Con federate States, who fell at Shiloh, Tennessee, on the sixth day of April, A. I)., eighteen hundred and sixty-two; a man tried in many high offices and critical enterprises, and found faithful in all. His life was one long sacrifice of interest to conscience, and even. that life, on a woful Sabbath, did he yield as a holocaust at his coun try's need.--- Xot wholly understood was he while he lived; but, in his feath, his greatness stands confessed in a peoples, tears. Resolute, mod erate, clear of envy, vet not wanting in that finer ambition which makes men great and pure. In Ids honor impregnable; hhis simplicity sublime. Xo country e'er had a truer son no cause a nobler champion; no people a braver defender no principle a purer victim than the dead soldier who sleeps here"! The cause for which he perished is lost the people for whom he fougn'j are crushed the hopes inss which he trusted are shattered the flag he loved guides no more the phagring lines; but his fame, consigned to the keeping, of that time which, happily, is not so much the tomb of Virtue as its shrine, shall, in years to come, fire modest worth to noble ends. In honor, now, our great captain rest; a breaved people mourn him. Three commonwealths claim him; and history shall cherish him among those choicer spirits, who, holding thicr conscience unmixed with blame, have been, in all con junctions, true to themselves, their vvimnjj ailVl lilV.il V VI . Q Ax Opixiox of the "Beast." In his Springfield harangue, Ben Butler said: "do anywhere, every where, and find a good soldier who served under me, and ask him about me, and I will abide his an swer, whatever . it rnay be." Whereupon a veteran, who offers to compare his record in the army witn tnat oi Jiutler, publishes a letter, in which hesa-s: "I served under Gen. Butler while he was in command at Fortress Monroe, in 1803, and all the time he was in command of the Army of the James. During the whole time I never heard, so far as I can remem ber, one word spoken in his praise: but he was always regarded, by both officers. and men, as an incom petent leader, and an arbitrary, tyrannical, brutal commander. I never met a person in the army who expressed the least confidence in his justice, honesty or military Il-Ullllj. ii.u:f " IIorrirle Suspicion. ---Chignons are rising in Paris. The French "capillary artists" now sell annually 140,000 pounds of hair, which. when braided, curled and cork screwed, bring in a revenue of more than $15,000,000 ! There is a horrible suspicion that dead fe males arc scalped in order to sup- o ply the demand. Cax't Calculate. A man in making his income return, wrote on it: "For the last five years mv income has been under $1,500, but as the man is dead from whom I borrowed the money, I can't calcu late what it may be m the future, The Chicago Tribvne says that the people of the United States would "probably turn out in great er numbers to see Goldsmith Maid or Laura Fair than to hail the Pres ident of the nation." Particular. A householder m Florida, in filling up his census schedule,underthe heading "where born " described one of his chil dren 'as "born in the parlor," and the other "up stairs." A strict re turn. The difference between a coun- try and a city greenhorn is, thato the one likes to know everything, and the other thinks he can ex plain it to him. Less. A man with a scolding wife says that he has less fear of the jaws of death than of the jaws of life. Uxiiealtiiy. Five children in Mobile died lately from eating nainted rnnilr. i O 0 O o o o o