7
SUNIAT OKEGOXIAX, PORTLAND. PECE3IBER 15, 1912.
ON! Gltr
"By
M AXIM
G O R Y
-
" 1 mean you see, once for all out -
with everything.' .
" 'Tou are a fool.'
"He shook his dased head and then,
letting it sink on his breast, he said
''Tn' frightfully disgusted with It
all; and oh. I feel very lonslyl Tomor
row Is Christmas, but I I cannot stay
at home. It Is absolutely impossible.'
" 'Remain with ub as our guest for a
while,' proposed Taschka.
WE iat in a tavern, and aa time
hung heavily upon me. I asked
.. my companion to toll me a story
of his life. My companion was an ex
tremely tattered and worn fellow. He
looked as if he had all his life been
squeezed through tight places; his
clothes were In shreds and his body at
artaln points shrank away as If parts
It had been torn off In the strug
gle. The man was thin, angular and
quite bald; not a single hair grew upon
. his yellow cranium. His cheeks were
sunken, his cheekbones forming two
bright points, and the skin covering
them was so tightly stretched that It
glistened and brought Into greater
prominence the wrinkles with which
his whole face, was cut up. But his
eyes shone bright and clear; his long,
gristly nose contracted constantly In
an Ironic expression, and his talk came
fluently out of his mouth, which was
partly covered by a stubbly red mus
tache. It seemed to me that the story
of his life would be very Interesting.
(OU wish to hear my story?" ho
I asked in a hoarse voice.
"Well, yes."
"Then I'll tell It to you, since yon
desire It. But the whole story that
won't go. I have lived through an un
usually long life: It would bore you to
listen to It, and It it is not altogether
amusing to tell. But just one little
thing, a sort of anecdote that goes all
right. Would you like to hear It?
Very welL But yon will surely order
a coudIs of "bottles of beer for my
trouble. For you know It Is sometimes
as unpleasant for a fellow to go Into
his past as It Is to go down into a
sewer.
'This little storr. mv dear sir. will
not strike you as being Important and
will hardly suit your literary taste.
but to me It is I like it. xne matter,
as you will see. Is very simple; It hap
pened in this way:
fir was on a Christmas eve, and
I we my comrade, Taschka Slsov
and myself had been hanging around
the street the whole day. We offered
our services as baggage carriers to
the ladles who passed with their Christ
mas bundles, but they didn't seem to
hear our words, and would enter their
carriages and ride off from which you
can see that we were not in luck's
way. We also did some begging, and
in this way managed to collect some
thing. I got together about 29 copecks,
out of which a 10-copeck piece, given
to me by a gentleman on the Court
house steps, proved to be counterfeit.
"But Taschka a fellow in many
ways more talented than I am be
came toward evening really a rich man.
He had 11 rubles and 24 copecks. Ac
cording to his story, all this money
was given to- him In one lump by a
lady who had suddenly become so gen
erous that she not only handed him
the money itself but her purse and her
handkerchief as well. That sometimes
happens, you know. A sudden Impulse
of virtue often brings a person into a
state wliere he forgets all about his
dignity and then does anything to crush
this goodness in order to get rid of it
"As Yaschka told me about the real
ly Christian conduct of the lady, for
some reason or other he glanced fur
tively all about him. I suppose he
wanted to thank the noble soul again
for her generous gift. Suddenly he
shouted to me:
" 'Hey there, run faster!"
fVA E ran s fast as we could.
W Every part of my body seemed
to be frozen, and I hurried on to warm
It a bit. The wind blew fiercely, caua
. lng the snow on the streets to rise
into a whirl and throwing it off the
I I Terse Tales From
THE STOXE AGE,
f The Masses.
Two men say that a certain stone in
the road Impeded traffic and that It was
a manifest duty to clear It out of the
way at once.
"This great bowlder must be moved,"
said the first, "that Is clr. Let us
work side by side In this noble task
whose accomplishment Is to bless com
ing generations."
The aeoond clasped his hands ecstat
ically. "Oh. happy day! Oh, thrice de
lectable hour! For years I have been
seeking a helper in my glgantio task
of tidying up this road. Comrade, I
greet you. Together we will lever tis
stone out of the ruts."
Lever It! Lever it!" repeated the
first gently, though apparently with
some surprise. "Why, you poor Igno
rant fool! Tou mollycoddle of an old
woman! Tou dull, stupid kowtower to
custom! 1 shan't lay a hand to the Job
unless we use dynamite." .
"Indeed!" commented the second, a
note of displeasure evident In his voice.
"Indeed, you unmitigated jackass and
agent provocateur! Tou flat-headed
thug of an Informer! You with your
corrupt maggot-ridden brain! Tou
for sale body and soul to the highest
1 bidder!"
I "Yah. white-livered spy." returned
II the flrst "Tah. labor fakir! Blood
( stained, fawning hound! " Despicable
llCk-Spiltie pjatR-ucai lcu .
Everlasting disgrace to our glorious
movement!"
The second drew a long breath and
began:
"You miserable, contemptible, par
etic '
The stone is still there.
COSMETICS.
Little Tommy, at the movies," saw
a tribe of Indians painting their faces,
and asked his mother the significance
of this, according to the San Francisco
Chronicle.
"Indians." his mother answered, "al
ways paint their faces before going on
the warpath before scalping and tom
ahawking and murdering."
t" . . .. i w, rr .ft.. Hfnnar aa tha
a i .tj nr i ririi.a - -
mother entertained in the parlor her
aausmers young man, j v. mm j uouu
downstairs wlde-eved with fright.
"Come on. mother!" he cried. "Let's
get out of this qulckl Sister is going
on the warpath!"
A tOBO.
Kansas City Times.
Here they ara again, men. Our old
friends. Weary Willie and Dusty
Rhodes. Thinking that perhaps the
last time yon saw them they took some
roof in cold and pointed missiles, flying
in the air and falling down my neck.
My face felt as If it was being cut with
knives, and my neck was so frozen that
It seemed to have become as thin aa a
finger. I thought It would break at any
careless movement I might make, and
fearing to lose" my head, I burled it as
deeply as I could between my shoul
ders. Neither of us was suitably
clothed for such weather, but Taschka
felt warmer than I did, which made me,
out of envy of him, feol colder still.
"Tou know I have never been a fa
vorite of fortune devil take me! Only
once in my life was I presented with
a samovar, and that was filled with
boiling water, which, as I tried to get
away with it, so scalded my feet that I
had to spend a week and a half in the
prison hospital. At another time but
that's another story. Well, then; so I
ran on with Taschka, while he kept
saying to himself:
" 'We'll celebrate the holiday In great
style. We'll pay our rent here, you
old witch, here It is a pint of whisky
and perhaps a leg of ham. H"m! A leg
of ham wouldn't be at all bad, but It
would be expensive. Do you know
what the price of ham la in the mar
ketr ((m DTD not but I knew the real value
I of a leg of ham, and we decided
to acquire it. We determined to go to
that market where there were the most
people. When the store is crowded with
customers It's a sure sign that it sells
the best goods; ergo, as the Latins
used to say. if s Just the place .where
one can pick up whatever one wants.
'A leg of ham, please,' cried xascn.
ka, pushing his way Into the crowd of
buyers. 'Show me a leg of ham not
big, but good excuse me; you hit me
in the side. I know very well which of
us Is not well bred, but I also know
that It's not easy to be pome under
present circumstances. I can't help
being so uncomfortably close - here.
What's that? I've touched your pock
et? Excuse me, sir, that was your own
hand which met mine as It was crawl
ing into my breast pocket. I buy for
cash, so do you. therefore we have both
equal rights.'
"From Taschka'a bearing In the mar
ket you would have thought he had
come to buy a whole earload of hams
perhaps 800. Meanwhile, I took ad
vantage of the confusion and, aided by
what ability I had. lifted a box of mar
malade, a bottle of olive oil and two
large sausages.
" 'Now, we, too, will have a holiday,'
rejoiced Taschka. 'It will be a great
feast!' He skipped as he walked, and
sniffed with his big, wide nose. His
little gray eyes were bright with Joy,
and I, too, was rejoicing.. A square, ap
petizing meal once in a while Is no
small pleasure for people like us, sir.
(t l ND now, with the wind driving
r us forward, we were nearing our
home. At that time we lived at the ex.
1M MMI
Humorous Pens
other a:ulse. I have slung a battered tin
can over the shoulder of the taller, so
that you can't go wrong.
They are discussing the third vaga
bond, who can be dimly seen beating it
along the railway track which trav
erses the picture at the rear, vvnat are
they saying? Listen: It is Weary
Willie speaking:
Weary Willie Is dat guy California
Cal much of a hobo?
Dusty Rhodes much of a hobo!
Why, he beat his way across the Saha
ra Desert on a camel.
CAR SERVICE.
Two Boston schoolteachers were pas
sengers on an overcrowded elevated
train one evening recently, says The
Traveler, and one of them, who lives a
little Joke, thought he saw a good
chance to catch the other, who is noted
for his precision of speech.
"Mr. Smith," he said, "can you tell me
If there is any difference between the
word "made' and manufactured?" "
Mr. Smith, who thought he was ask
ing his opinion In regard to some tech
nical point, thought a minute and said:
"I think not, Mr. Brown. Made' could
be used In place of "manufactured," and
vice versa."'
"Wrong," said Mr. Brown, "and Til
prove it. Take this car, for Instance.
It was manufactured to carry 100 pas
sengers and it Is made to carry 300."
FVZZLIXG.
While the agent was selling farm ma
chinery at the house, says the Chris
tian Herald, the friend at the gate held
his horse, and a conversation took place
with the small boy of the family.
With grave incredulity he was say
ing. "Are you sure you are only years
old? I think there must be seme mis
take." The boy was positive, but to make
sure, "Ma!" he called, "ain't I Just 9
year old?""
"Tes, eon."
After a time he ventured: "Say, mis
ter, what made you think I was more
than years old?"
-Why." said the etranger. "I couldn't
understand how you could get so dirty
In nine years."
SALESMANSHIP.
Sir Thomas Llpton in an Interview In
New Tork praised American salesman
ship. "The excellence of your salesman
ship." he said, "Is doubtless due to the
high salaries paid, these high salaries
drawing into the work a very high class
of men.
"Even your book salesmen are good.
treme end of the city, near
elathes market, where we
hRRement belonging to a very
man. This part of the. town was al
ways deserted after 6 o'clock in the
evening, and It was seldom that a liv
ing being was met with in this neigh
borhood after that time. If any one
ever did make his appearance here af
ter that hour he most certainly carried
bis life in his heels.
"So we ran on. Suddenly we saw
the figure of a man before us. He tot
tered as he walked, and It soon became
evident to us that he was drunk. Tasch
ka nudged me and whispered: 'Fur
coat.'
"Now, you must know that to meet
a man In a fur coat Is very pleasant.
Indeed. Tou see, a fur coat has no but
tons and Is easily pulled off. Walking
stealthily behind the man, we saw that
he was big and broad-shouldered. He
was muttering tomethlng to himself.
We, on our part, were thinking some
thing, too.
"The man stopped so suddenly that
our noses almost touched his back. He
raised his hands high, and in a strong
bass voice growled out:
" 'I am he whom no one loves!
"If a cannon ball had struck us we
should not have been more surprised.
We quickly retreated. But he had
already seen us, and turning to us with
'his back to the fence evidently he
knew where he was he asked: .
" 'Who are you, you scamps?"
" "Brother beggars," Taschka an
swered modestly.
" 'Beggars! that la well, for t, too,
am poor In strength. Where are you
going? '
" 'To our cave, said Taschka.
" Til go with you. Where else can I
go' I don't know. Beggars, take me
along with you. . I'll feed you and give
you plenty to drink. Take me as your
guest; be friendly with me.'
"'Let's Invite him, whispered
Taschka to me. -
"I had recognised In the great voice
of the man the tones of a drunken man,
but I also made out something else
the raging and groaning of a heart
that was sick and deeply wounded. I
i inctinpt for the dramatic
I was for a time prompter in a theater
and good took salesmanship is a rare
thing. '
"phaa'a a inn.rn In 1!n8lana that
runs about a thousand bookstalls. These
stalls are manned by poor little Doys ox
B or 10 years poor little shabby, dirty
fingered boya who earn about 10 bob,
or $2.50, a week. And what a Job they
make of book salesmanship, to be sure!
"I once went up to a "stall ana said
to the little boy who was lunching be
hind the counter on cold cocoa and
bread:
"Have you got Chaucer's "Canter
bury Tales" here?'
"Setting aown nis cocoa cup, me .ti
tle fellow answered, with a voluble and
pathetic attempt at smart book sales
manship: ' " 'No sir, we ain't got It that Is, sir,
we ain't got It at this stall, sir. Tou
see, we're tryin' it out at a few of our
larger stalls to see how it goes. If it
makes a big hit. why, then we'll have
it here, sir." Exchange.
A PUZZLBw
Head Coach Howe toM at the Tale
training table a football story.
"The English," he began, "are crazier
over football than we are. Why, there
will sometimes be nearly 100,000 Eng
lish at a single football game.
"Two Englishwomen of the lower
class were drinking "four-ale" In a "pub'
one afternoon.
'What's the matter With "ee, Bess?"
said the first woman.
" 'Ah'm puzzled,' said the second.
"What about, Bess?"
" "Well, ye see my Garge's's on the
football team, an when the team wins
he treats me to fried fish an' the
movies, but when It loses he gives me
a beatln' up."
' "Well, Bess, I know all about that
But what's puzzlln' thee? That's what
I asked.' .
" "Well, ye see, today's match ended
In a draw.' " Washington Star.
THE PROOf.
Governor Dlx, apropos of the milk bill
that he recently vetoed, said at a din
ner party in Albany, according to the
Washington Star:
"We don't want New Tork's milk,
you know, to return to the condition
that once characterized It.
"An Albany maid once said to her
mistress In those past days:
-Madam, there's something radical
ly wrong with this here milk. A very
thick, yellow scum has gathered on the
top of it. rm afraid it's spoiled."
" 'Where were you brought up?1
smiled the mistress, as she regarded the
rich coat of cream that had formed
upon the milk overnight.
" 'In New Tork, ma'am," answered the
maid. .
" 'I thought as much, .said the mis
tress quietly." . 1
td? win
th..oid, -! mwiSimfM&f? tfu
occupied a Ml WiWSti&ff&jWMTSJ . . Utf
old wo- f ffli UWi!irfJWSw.-''-' MAT
so I eagerly Invited the man to come
with us.
"Tl come. Ill come with you, you
beggars!' he shouted with all the
strength of hi big lungs.
"We walked together three abreast.
(Iff. O you know who I am?" he
. if asked. 'I am a man who Is run
ning away from his holiday. I am the
tax inspector, Gontscharov Nlcolai
Dimitrievlch Gontscharov that's who
I am! I have a wife and a borne, chil
dren two sons and I love them. There
are flowers In my home, pictures, books
everything Is mine it's all beautiful,
comfortable and warm, in my home. If
you had all the things that I have In
my house it would long ago have gone
for drink. Tou are swine, of course,
and drunkards; but I am no drunkard
though I'm drunk just now. I'm
drunk because I'm depressed. I'm al
ways depressed and uncomfortable on
holidays. Tou don't understand it it's
a deep wound It's my great sorrow
'I listened to him with Intense inter,
est. Whenever I see a big, ' strong
man It always seems to me that he is
unhappy. Life is for the small, the
weak, the puny and the petty. Put a
sturgeon In a swamp and it'll certain
ly die; while frogs, toads and the like
oan't live in clear, flowing water. The
man interested me very much.
"We had now brought him to our
basement, and our landlady was not
a little frightened by his appearance.
She thought we had brought him with
us to rob htm, and wanted to tell the
police of it. We quieted her and drew
her attention to our own emaciated
forms in comparison with the figure of
this giant with his long arms, big head
and broad chest 'Why, he could stran
gle us both without effort. So the old
woman, reassures, was aem t-u ui,
Quips and Flings
Poet All my Ufa seemed to go into
that poem. I was perfectly exhausted
when I had finished writing It
- Qn,in. n-ditnr I ean sympathize
with you. I was In exactly the same
oondltlon when I naa rinisnea rt.uiu
it Pathfinder.
"By George, I call this rubbing It
In," declared a Pittsburg poet
"How now?"
"I sent this magazine two poems and
they sent me back three." Pittsburg
Post
. "She worries every time he takes
the car out" .
"Tes, I don't blame her. They had
to save a long time to get that' car."
Houston Post
Poet I called to See If you had an
opening for me. ;
iK.r.'t one rlaht pe-
hind you. Shut it ee you go out
please. Satire.
"Burglars broke Into our house last
"'"That sot Did they get anything?"
"Nothing except my husband's
nerve." Detroit Free Press.
.
"Look at this beautiful castle."
"'Don't bother me. How can I read
i u.i . i ..rm Vpflfi tiesterlnsr
me to look at rocks and castles?"
Kansas City journal.,
"Courageous,' isn't she?"
"Very! Why, she Is engaged to
marry a man named Trlplett!" Judge.
Important Poet (with a lofty air)
This, sir, is my last poem!
Tired Editor Thank goodness.
a .
"I believe in strict news , censor
ship." declared the man with sad eyes.
"What Is the matter now?" asked
the friend.
"I haven't had any peace since my
wife read off the arrival of a $1,000,000
cargo of sealskins at Seattle." Buffalo
Express.
a
"He's quite regular in his habits.
Isn't her'
"Oh, yes! He drinks a quart of
whiskey a day, smokes eighteen cigars
regularly and has a regular habit of
never getting to bed before 2 A. M."
Life. "
"Have you anything laid by for a
rainy day, Mr. BooklyT"
"Indeed I have. It's one of the best
novels written In a decade, and I can
If : '
ern, and the three of us sat around the
table. .
HVf E sat In our cave and drank
V slowly, waiting to hear about j
the holiday. Our truest took off his fur
coat and sat in his shirt sleeves with
out a vest. He sat opposite to us.
'Tun urn evidently rascals,' both of
you,' he growled. 'Tou lie when you
say you are beggars, ior you re
young to be beggars: and your eyes,
,fea'..a tnn Inanlant. But Whoever YOU
are, It's all the same to me. I know
that you are not ashamed of Hie and
that's the thing. And I I am ashamed.
I ran away from my house to escap'e
disgrace.'
"Tou know, my dear sir, tnere is a
nervous disease called chorea. Well,
there are some people whose con
sciences are stricken with this dls
u ..,1 T aa w at once that the in
spector belonged to that class.
"'In my nouse, ne wbhi vu, bwj
thing is conducted in the most proper
manner; and it gets fearfully tiresome
to live according to the conventional
rule. Everything is put away or hung
up in its proper place once and for all.
and everything has so grown to its
place that even an earthquake couldn't
move them sofas, pictures and book
cases. They have shot roots into the
ground and Into the soul of my wife
They those wooden and lifeless
things have become a part of our
Uvea, and I, for one, cannot live with
out them. One gets so used to them
one worries about them and troubles
about them the devil take it! The
damned things grow, take up all the
room, stifle the air until one can't
breathe freely any longer. " Now, for
this holiday, this Diessea army m nau-
rooNiNY
hardly wait till it rains." Birmingham
Age Herald. . , ,
"Why are you looking so thought
fully at that cigar?" -
"'A fellow Just gave it to me, and it
looks pretty bum."
"It Is evidently a two-fer, but we
should not consider the .value of a
Blft-" , .
"I wasn't I was Just wondering If
i. .hf. .sttmitt of the value of my
friendship." Louisville Courier Jour
nal..
"Hold on, old chap. I can tell you
what will cure that cold of yours."
"Say, I ought to brain you! Well,
what Is it?"
"Time and nature."
"Shake!" Cleveland Plain Dealer.
-
Sunday school teacher And what
should we do after breaking a com
mandant Willie Muzzle de papers and hire a
good lawyer. Life.
a
"I was so embarrassed that I didn't
know what to say to her."
"What did you dor'
"Her father helped me out" Judge,
a a a
His friend Go In for any kind of
sport Mr. Specks?
Specks Tes. I collect insects.
Sketch.
a a
Cockney Fine haystack you've got
there. Cost much to build?
Farmer Fifty gallons of the best
sir. Punch.
a a
"How did you feel at that fashion
able wedding?'' -"About
as conspicuous as my piokle
.1-1. -aVa amnno tha 1 P W P 1 f fl hi" Oil ZCS
and ropes of pearls." Pittsburg Post
a , a
Pouting wife Tou used to call me
the light of your life. .
Hull So I did; but I had no Idea the
meter was going to register such a
cost Boston Transcript
' a a a
Friend (congratulating the poet)
Now your dream is realized. Tou have
become Immortal.
Poet Tes; now I can die in peace.
Pele Mele (Paris).
a a a
"My wife made me promise to quit
smoking before she would marry me,"
remarked Mr. Meekton.
"And nowr"
"I'm doing my best to get her to
promise not to begin." Washington
Star. ' '
-
. "Where ' do all the people Who have
automobiles get the money that is
necessary to afford them?"
"Many of thorn don't" Chicago
Record-Herald,
it- hi. dunked Itself out. has made It
cnlf snick and scan, and It shines and
glistens. It glistens disgustingly. It
mocks me yes, It knows everything.
Once i bad only three pieces a bed. a
chair and, a table. Yes, and I had
also a picture of Herzen. , Now I have
a hundred pieces or furniture. iow
unn to ask neoDle to sit down in them
people who know their value. So
people who are well-to-do come to us
to use our lurnuure.'
rtiHB inspector drank a glass of
1 whisky and went on:
"Thpv are all most respectable' pee
pie, pious cattle who have been brought
up on , the sweet ideals that are pie
in Russian literature. But I
feel horribly bored the very flavor
of their talk chokes me. 1 Know every
thing they can tell me and also what
.v, oan't An to become more alive and
interesting. The stupidity of their
souls makes them abhorrent to me
They are all so heavy and sluggish that
even the words they speak fall like
stones.. They stifle a man. When
they come to my house it seems Xo me
nnt t sm surrounded by bricks and
that I am about to be built into a
wall. I hate them, but I cannot drive
... . A v. .. ,' . whv T hatA them
so. I don't attract them; personally
come for the simple reason that they
want to sit upon my luntnuia.
I can't throw the furniture out, either
ir inWa. t. All. Rv Heaven!
Ill ""O v . vo .v . -
my wife only lives for the sake of
the furniture, one neraeta una
wooden. .
wall and laughed. And Taschka, who
was certainly oorea uy m
. nf tha nallSA to sav:
.. .v,. v. i ni. n.a. Ynlcrht have smashed
the furniture into pieces on your
wile.' -
"Well, and then?"
fi:N
Among the Poets
MARCHING THROUGH TURKEY.
Bring the good old bugle, boys, we
blew at old Tcbatchok,
Also at that place named like the tick
ing of a clock
Also at that place whose name will
cause your Jaws to lock
While we were marching through
Turkey.
Hurrah! Hurrah! Set Zhagubltxa free.
Hurrah! Hurrah! We sound the Jubilee.
Karahassakolon was as easy as could
be
While we were marching through
Turkey.
Tcherkeskist was baffling, but we hung
on for a spell;
When we struck Moschopolis we got on
very well
And we've found another town Just
like a college yell
When we are marching through
Turkey,
Hurrah! 'Hurrah! Our Jawa refuse to
break, ,
Hurrah! Hurrah! It is no trick to take
Old Trebotlvlshte with a gurgle and
shake
While we were marching through
Turkey.
Vlahcollvedon we won it was'a long
campaign
Syllable by syllable we counted up our
gain:
Old Kovatchobete we even now recall
with pain
While we were marching through
Turkey.
Hurrah! Hurrahl Tcherkeskist waits us
yet
Hurrah! Hurrahl Pokasckoi we will
get
In another week we'll rise and fight
the alphabet
While we are marching through
Turkey.
Exchange.
Today.
Sure, this world is full of trouble
I aint said it alnt
Lord, I've had enough and double
Reason for complaint
Rain an' storm have come to fret me.
Skies were often gray;
Thorns an' brambles have beset me
On the road but say, (
Aint it fine today!
What's the use of always weepln',
Makin' trouble last?
What's the use of always keepln'
Thlnkin' of the past?
Each must have his. tribulation
Water with his wine.
((THE) Inspector looked around, our
I room .was reeking with smoke
and dirt.
It's disgusting here, too. But listen
to me, you devils. Can't we go to some
hotel? Want to do it tomorrow? And
then won't we drink! Tes, and we'll
think about It think how people ought
to live. Will you do It? By God. Its
time to stop leading tnis rpecuiu"
life. It's high time to stop It! But you
ara both scamDS and cannot under
stand what I mean.'
J .understand very wen wnat im
macier is,' I said to the Inspector.
"Tou? Who are your ne mucu. .
'i am .ian a man who was once re
spectable,' I said. 'I, too, enjoyed the
happiness of a quiet, peaceful life. I.
. wo. .riHd nut of life bv little
things and petty details. They weighed
me down, pressed out my soul and
everything else mat w m
......J tnr aomethina- lust as you ara
now yearning. I began to drink and be-
came a arunaaro. i uavv
to introduce myself.'
"The Inspector stared at me and ex
amined me closely In grim silence and
with apparent satisiaction. men a
saw his thick, red lips twitch in disgust
a kt. w...l.tf mmtirh,. and the way
he sneered wasn't at all complimentary
to me. . .....
Is that really sor ne aeicea sua-
denly. ' . ,
" 'It is, omnia mea mreum " -asserted.
"Who are you, anyway?" ne asked,
still looking at me.
" 'x man. liivery vagauuou i
and every man Is a vagabond.' I once
knew the art of speaking In epigrams
very well.
tt ERT wisely put." ld the n
V spector, without taking his eyes
off me. , , ..
"'We, also, are educated people," said
Taschka. 'We can converse with you..'
perfectly well. If we are plain peo- j
pie, we understand a thing or two, and
we, too, dislike elegant furniture. Why .
should we care about it? We don't sit
with our faces on the chairs. Tou
should make friends witn us.
" I?' said the Inspector. He had sud
denly become sober.
" 'Tes, sir, you. Tomorrow ws 11 show -you
such secrets of life '
"Hand me my coat,' demanded the
Inspector quickly of Tas hka, and he
stood up. He stood very i'lrmly on his t. .
feet.
"'Why, where are you bound forr
I asked. ,
" 'Where T" He looked at me with pain .r.
in his large, calf-like eyes, and then a
shivered as if a sudden chill had run -y
through him. I I am bound for-.,
home.' " . . . l"
"I looked at his face, which had sud-'
denly grown very long, and did not say r
another word.
'Fate has prepared a barn for every .
kind of animal, and no matter how that y:
animal may kick with its hind legs it :,
still, remains In its allotted place. Ha, ,v
ha ha'
"And so the Inspector departed. Out-
side we hoard his big, heavy voice cry--v
lng, Cabman!"" ' '
My companion grew silent and began
to drink his beer with measured sips.
After finishing his glass he commenced
to whistle, tapping on the table with '.
his fingers.
"And what then?" I "I"1--
What then? Nothing. Did you ex- -.
pact something else?"
"Tes, the feast " "'
"Oh, yes, we had the feast all right. r"
I forgot to tell you that the Inspector
made Taschka a present of his purse.
There were twenty-six rubles and some
copecks in it. We had the feast all
right-" ,.
tlJUpy TIROL if-.
of the Daily Press
Life it aint no celebration. .
Trouble, I va had mine
But today is fine.
It's today that I am llvln'.
Not a month ago.
Havln', losln", takln', glvin".
As time wills It so.
Yesterday a cloud of sorrow
Fell across the way;
It may rain again tomorrow.
It may rain but say,
Alnt it fine today!
Douglas Malloch.
REXUJfCIATIOS.
His Letter.
"Dear Madge Of course you've noticed
bv the papers
That I've eschewed the Joys of single J
life;
Rnnouncinc all my former merry
capers,
& DUQriiy laaa umu i u n v . . a. '
My stage-door days, I feel, have found
an ending
Most circumspect from now, must be
my lot;
But as you see, for old sake's sake I'm
sending
An au revolr and this forget-me-not"
Her Letter.
"Dear Jim Accept a friend's congrat
ulations. I hope your luck will be the bestest
yet
Although I fear you'll miss your old
flirtations.
Unless you've changed a lot since last
We met
Be good to her and, ere this letter
closes,
One friendly word it's quite the best
I've got
Tour marriage, Jim, will not be strewn .
with roses.
Unless the tie's a real forget-me-knot"
Stanley Quin, in Judge.
THE PROUD FLY.
The Fly looked around at her progeny
As they swarmed up the walls and
And promptly smiled, "Well, it seems
to me
That I am a sort of Carne-gle,
For I rank with the mllllon-helrs!"
Harper's Weekly.
A POEM-ETTB.
I hold it truth, whate'er the cost
(It hasn't cost me much as yet).
Tls better to have loved and lost
Than loved and won a suffragette.
Puck,
4