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1'TTK MORXLNG OREGONIAX. TUESDAY, MARCH 24, 1908.
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MK. ROOSEVELT'S TROtiRAMME.
Of the five Items of Mr. Roosevelt's
.legislative programme the only one
which cannot be approved by candid
ritlcs is the Aldrich financial bill.
This bill has been rejected by every
iound economist in the country who
las had anything to say about it,
vhlle numerous commercial bodies
mve pointed out its glaring defects
ind Insignificant merits. There is not
ane' respectable publicist in America
.vho , even coldly approves this bill.
It is unanimously opposed by those
whose opinions are worth anything.
nd yet the President favors it.. We
must suppose, therefore, that he has'
reasons for doing so which have noth
ing to do with the merits or defects of
'.he measure itself. Mr. Roosevelt has
aften found it necessary to submit to
A lesser evil in order to secure a
greater Rood, like all other statesmen
who have ever accomplished anything
,n the world, and we cannot help sup
posing that he is aware of doing some
:hing of the same sort in accepting
the Aldrich bill.
If he has traded a cold acceptance
of this measure in return for the good
Rill of certain Senators to his pro
posed labor legislation, he has done
well. It is only simplefbns who ex
pect to carry measures .through Con
gress or any other legislative body
without compromises, often sickening
ones. Still greater fools are they who
reproach public prosecutors with giv
ing immunity to small criminals in or
der to catch greater ones. Convic
tions have never been secured in any
other way, and it is difficult to see how
they ever can be. Nor can the con
flicting interests and passions of'legls
lators be neutralized except by conces
sions. It is quite likely, that the two
concessions in Mr. Roosevelt's . pro
gramme will secure the safe voyage
through Congress of those measures
which he and the majority of the
American peoplo have more closely at
heart just now than either financial
laws or tariff reform. We can wait a
year or two for the limitation of the
Kraft of the Dingleyizcd trusts, but
there are few patriotic citizens who
ran look on with patience while the
lbor unions are emasculated by tech
nical court decisions.
Enlightened men are a unit in the
conviction that the labor unions are
Indispensable elements In modern civ
ilization. Should they be destroyed,
or even weakened measurably, the
world would suffer by It. They have
been agents of extreme potency In that
forward movement of mankind which
has characterized the last century, and
Mr. Roosevelt simply voices the gen
eral opinion of enlightened humanity
when he asserts for them Tights
which they cannot live without. In
his programme he asks for the unions
exemption from the penalties of the
Sherman anti-trust law. It Is a wide
stretch of legal definition to include
the unions within the meaning of the
ward trust. They are not commercial
organisations In any true sense. They
are rather societies founded to prey-rye
the common rights of man from
extinction and save their members
from the bestial degradation of pov
erty. No trust has any such purpose.
The objects of the trusts are purely
sellish: those of the labor unions, are
-'trulstte. So far hare the unions gone
In helping the weak at the cost of the
strong that It Is even reproached upon
them that they encourage Idleness and
,.nnllze efficiency; but the same can
be said of the Christian religion with
ermal truth and equal futility. The
noblest function of human beings Is
mutual helpfulness, and In the long
run men honor most those whose
s-rvlce has been greatest. The Gali-
!-ean said he was the greatest ef all
who was the servant of all. and man
has not forgotten to deify the inventor
of agriculture while the author's name
who wrote the book of Job is lost in
oblivion.
The exemption of labor unions from
the provisions of the anti-trust .taw is
a piece of simple justice as well as
common sense. When the law was
passed nobody dreamed that it applied
to the unions, and every one- looked
upon it as a case of cruel irony -when
they were the first and, for a long
time, the only bodies to suffer Its' pen
alties. Equally Just it seems to pro
vide that railroads may enter into
freight agreements. Mr. Roosevelt
has advocated this In several messages
and speeches. Nobodj', so far as we
are aware, has advanced the shadow
of a reason why it should not be done.
The vain specter of competition
among railroads has been pretty near
ly laid already, and if this measure is
accepted by Congress it will retire al
together from a world that It has
egregiously deceived but never bene
fited. With a wish that he might give
the Aldrich bill over to the fate it de
serves and hasten somewhat the re
vision of-the tariff, the country will
probably feel very well satisfied with
Mr. Roosevelt's programme.
MORALITY AND LAW.
According to Judge Beatty, of the
Supreme Court of California, an act
which is morally wrong may be legally
right. Late events have exalted the
Supreme Court of California to such
an altitude as an exponent and exem
plar of morals and legality both that
anything its members have to say on
those subjects is listened to with
thrills of admiring awe. Hence we
should not think of disputing Judge
Beatty's opinion, though one might
suggest to him that if this wide
chasm does not actually yawn between
the law and common morality it would
be well either to revse the statutes or
the Ten Commandments.
The California judges, we are aware,
have attempted to revise the Deca
logue, but, although their authority is
very great, their new moral code has
not yet been accepted outside of a se
lect circle of California rabbis and
priests who ought to be unfrocked.
The world is disposed to hold that
Moses knew pretty well what he was
about when he was on the summit of
Mount Sinai. Most men are Inclined
to the idea that it is the law of Cali
fornia as enunciated by its amazing
Supreme Court that will have to give
way and reform itself. It is well
enough to say that the law does not
particularly aim to make men moral
in their private conduct; but to say
that it does not aim to make them
moral in their relations to each other
Is a scandalous doctrine worthy only
of a kangaroo Judge In a conviat set
tlement. Judge Beatty does worse than this,
however. He clearly implied at a tem
perance banquet the other night that
the law might stand In opposition to
morality. Of course one might have
expected some such opinion from him
after tho recent declson of his court,
a decision which has struck a stagger
ing blow at decency and civilization in
this part of the world. And yet the
plain, unashamed, unblushing utter
ance gives one a certain shock.
LIMITATION OF RATE REGrLATIOX.
In admitting a lack of jurisdiction
over ocean transportation, the Inter
state Commerce Commission sets forth,
in unequivocal language the status o'f
all ocean carriers in. relation to land
transportation lines. "The ocean is a
highway free to all. No franchise is
needed to sail the seas," and, "by rea
son of natural competitive conditions,
the public will be best served and In
the end treated more equitably by
leaving the water carriers to foreign
lands entirelj' unhampered by legal
restrictions such as the people of this
and other lands have found it neces
sary to impose upon railroads." In
such language Commissioner Lane sets
forth the limitations of his tribunal,
and justifies its refusal to interfere on
any rates which the trans-Atlantic
lines may see fit to make in connec
tion with rail lines delivering traffic at
tidewater.
Having made the admission regard
ing the trans-Atlantic steamers, and.
also having disclaimed jurisdiction
over the ocean carriers which make
through rates from points interior
from the Atlantic seaboard to points
similarly located from the Pacific sea
board, it would seem that the Com
mission was approaching a point
where it might lift the embargo it
has placed on Oriental traffic out of
Pacific Coast ports. The "Baltic
pool," as the consolidation of steam
ship interests appearing as defendants
in the case just decided was known,
was accused of maintaining a monop
oly of transportation over certain
routes which included rail hauls in the
United States and in Europe, and the
trans-Atlantic movement by steamer.
The underlying cause of the complaint,
which was filed by a competing
steamship company, was that the al
leged pool was carrying freight at
lower rates than complainants could
name on the routes over which they
could ship. In other words, it was a
complaint against low rates that could
not be met by the plaintiff.
The conditions on the routes be
tween Atlantic distributing centers
and European points, and between
Oriental points, are vastly different,
but the basic principle involved Is
practically the same. Tlje Interstate
Commerce Commission has placed a
ban on transcontinental and trans-Pacific
traffic, because the rates which
were made necessary by Suez Canal
competition were too low, but it dis
claims jurisdiction when a. similar
complaint is made regarding trans
Atlantic traffic. The short rail haul
from the points where trans-Atlantic
tiaffic originates naturally admits of
the ocean carriers and the European
railroads absorbing the full local rates
to the Atlantic seaboard, a proceeding
which would not be possible where a
iciw through rate was made for the
3000-mlle rail haul across the conti
nent and the additional 4000 miles
across the Pacific.
But rates cannot be equitably fixed
regardless of conditions by any hard
and fast rule, and fpr that Reason it is
the duty of the Commission to take
into consideration the effect of its rul
ing not only on the traffic actually
handled on the .transcontinental and
trans-Pacific routes, but that which is
subject only to the water haul or the
land haul, separate and distinct frot
the through haul. If the railroads are
permitted to make a rate from East
ern points to the Orient that will meet
the competition of the Suer, It will in
crease the number of steamers and im
prove the service needed for handling
local Pacific Coast products, "it will
also bring loaded cars Vest to be re
turned with lumber, and will enable
the road to work nearer to the maxi-.
mum of its capacity, thereby affording
an opportunity for rate reductions.
The Interstate Commerce Commis
sion undoubtedly has jurisdiction over
freight routed from the East to the
Orient by way of Pacific Coast pbct.
but it is questionable whether or not
It is using its power to the best ad
vantage in refusing to permit the rail
roads to make low through rates to
the Orient. The Commission has dis
covered that low rates on the Atlantic
do not constitute a crime; a similar
discovery regarding the Pacific would
be to the advantage of all concerned,
except the owners of the framp steam
ers which now carry freight through
the Suez unhampered by the Interstate
Commerce Commission.
THE LOVE OF MONEY.
Mr. Corby's sermon last Sunday on
our National love of money dealt with
a theme which seems to grow more in
teresting to the American people with
every day that passes. This is a period
of public penitence. We repent with
a relish of all our sins, but of none
more vigorously than the excessive
love for money. That as a people we
have loved money not wisely, but too
well, for a generation or two, most of
our moralists agree; but we fancy
that,' however much we may all de
plore this passion, it will not cool a
great deal until the preachers point
out something better to strive for.
Money is a word fairly synonymous
with all that is best in life, if not with
life itself, under our present social
arrangements. With it one can be
cleanly, healthy, happy, respected and
moral. Without It he cannot. Money
means expert medical care and good
nursing in illness. It means change of
climate, pictures, music, beautiful
homes, fine clothes and leisure to en
joy these things. Whatever is worth
having money can buy. It can buy
health, a long life, a quiet conscience
and a home in heaven. Why should
we not love money? Does Mr. Corby
know.of-anythlng better worth loving?
Wrifh becoming modesty the sug
gestion is ventured that most people
do not love money as much as they
ought. Many do not love it enough
to work for It diligently or spend it
wisely.- Few , of us love it enough to
feel the righteous indignation we
should when such an outrage as the
ship subsidy is proposed, a piece of
high-handed robbery which takes
money from many to give it to a fa
vored few. If we felt the affection we
ought for money we would not submit
to be plundered by a Dingley tariff
and we would long ago have devised
laws which would have made savings
banks safe. Nobody loves money as
he ought until he is ready to fight any
body who takes from him what Is his
own and also to attack by legal re
strictions every person who has or
tries to get more than belongs to him.
In our opinion there are not many
people in the country who really love
money. Moralists would better spend
their time stimulating the passion In
those who lack it than in berating
the few who have it to excess.
ANOTHER CHINESE BOYCOTT.
China seems to have laid on another
coat of the veneer of civilization and
is boycotting Japanese goods with a
vengeance. More than 50,000 persons
attended an indignation meeting in
Canton Sunday. and made bonfires of
all the Japanese goods they possessed.
Their civilization is, of course, a few
laps behind that of ours, and in conse
quence the boycott matter has not yet
reached the Supreme Court, nor has
Chin Chin Gomp Ers or any of the
other boycotters been served with in
junctions. The immediate cause of
the trouble was the release of the
steamer Tatsu Maru, which had been
seized while engaged in a filibustering
expedition. If there' was any legiti
mate reason why China should not
seize, hold and- condemn the Tatsu
Maru, it has not been revealed in any
of the dispatches regarding the sub
ject, and accordingly there is some
thing more than a possibility that the
Chinese are justified in their outbreak
of indignation against the Japanese.
It is extremely questionable, how
ever, whether the boycott of Japanese
goods will be effective in settling
the difficulty or in causing Japan to
recede from the arrogant position
which she has assumed throughout
the Orient. As soon as Japan suc
ceeded in teaching China that the
stinkpots and Incantations which made
up the arms and ammunition in the
days of Confucius were ineffective
when pitted' against Oatling guns,
Mausers and dumdum bullets, the Mi
kado's men began putting on airs.
They strutted up and down the Orient
with noses in the air and chips on
their shoulders, and were becoming
fairly obnoxious before Russia
bumped into them. As somebody had
to thrash Russia into good behavior
along the Manchuria frontier, the
world was, of course, pleased to have-
Japan undertake the job and helped
the Mikado along with large quantities
of moral support and something more
substantial.
The painful knowledge that she had
been in a fight that was a fight failed
to check the bumptiousness of Japan,
and since the close of hostilities here
has been constantly recurring com'
plaint of both political and cornmer
clal aggression. Thus far the 'wily
men of Nippon have succeeded fairly
well in justifying their acts, but there
it increasing evidence that they are
assuming that the entire Orient is for
their exclusive exploitation. The ac
tion of the Canton Chinese regarding
the Tatsu Maru incident shows that
the situation Is becoming strained, and
as Japan's successful "get-away" in
this case will only embolden the fill
busters. It is highlj- probable that
there will be more serious trouble In
the near future.
Deploring the progress of prohibi
tion in Kentucky, and the proclama
tion of the" local option people of the
rural counties that they are going to
force it on the cities by state prohibi
tion, the Louisville Courier-Journal
marshals the old arguments against
prohibition.- which certainly are very
strong, and then proceeds to say:
r?xcept for the hyeteria which, mainly
owing to the idea of keeping "whisky from
the nipger." haa come over the more Ignorant
and unthinking of the peorle of the South.
these propositions would be universally ac
claimed as axiomatic. This hysteria Is for
eign to the nature, the habits and the tra
ditions of Kentucky and the Kentucklans. It
should have no entertainment here perma
nent lodgment It can have nowhere for it
is -essentially transitory.
But the prohibitionist, tremendously
elated by the new progress, will laugh
at this: nor will he even In Kentucky
be much moved now, or for a while at
least, by the further declaration that
"if the hysteria be not checked It will
not only drive out of Kentucky hun
dreds of millions of productive ener
gies and taxpaying properties, but an
nihilate manhood, as we have known
it. and personal liberty as we have
felt it.V .A day may come-again when
these arguments will again obtain at
tention. But just now the vogue is
against them.
If anything that in any manner
tends to assist in swelling the
statistics . escapes . the attention of
the Seattle people, it has also
eluded the attention of any . one
else. The Seattle Daily Bulletin,
just at hand, gives in detail the build
ing permits issued March 20. They
number thirty-four, with a total valu
ation of $19,875. included in which is
one for $10,000, leaving the average
for the remaining thirty-three a trifle
less than $300. Ten of the permits
ranged from $10 to $35, and fourteen
were under $100. On the same date
twenty-six- permits were issued in
Portland, with a valuation of $109,985,
Including one for $60,000. leaving the
average for the remaining trwenty-five
approximately $2000. But six of the
Portland permits, were for less than
$1000, and but twelve were for less
than $2000 each. If Portland build
ers took out perrnKs for every dog
kennel and chicken-house that is con
structed, the record would be a mar
vel.
The unfortunate feature of the Stan
ford affair. Is that it will Induce a
great many very respectable parents
not to send their sons and daughters
to that institution. So far as Oregon
13 concerned, this will occasion no
great loss, for we have in our own
state institutions which offer students
as good opportunities for securing an
education as can be had at Stanford.
While the large college has its advan
tages, so it has also its disadvantages.
The small college brings Its students
Into close relations with Instructors
and gives them the benefit of this per
sonal contact. Oregon will not hesi
tate to compare the records of grad
uates of the University of Oregon, Wil
lamette University. Pacific University,
or even smaller colleges, with the rec
ords of graduates of Stanford. Re
sults are what count. We have no
need to send our young people to
Stanford, 'whether drunkenness is per
mitted on the campus or not.
Portland Is in need of all at the
packing-houses or any other industrial
enterprises that will contribute to tha
general welfare of the city by increas
ing the size of the dinner-pail brigade.
For this reason there has been a gen
eral dispesitlon among our people to
regard with favor the project for a
large packing plant in South Portland.
But if the property-owners in the im
mediate vicinity of the plant are will
ing to take the chances of possible ob
jectionable features and consent to
permission being given the S. & S.
people, it is certainly- but fair and just
that the packing-house people should
put up ample security that their plans
as now outlined are to be carried out.
The site, from an economic stand
point, is distinctly advantageous for
the business, so much so that the ask
ing of a guarantee that $200,000 will
be expended is a modest request.
The death of an energetic, capable,
purposeful young man represents a
suspension of individual force that is
4 distinct loss in a sense wide or nar
row according to the scope of bis ac
tivities, and is an event that is to be
regretted accordingly. In this view
the death of Senator Bryan of Florida
i3 a distinct loss to his state and possi
bly to the Nation. He succeeded In
impressing his individuality upon the
public mind during his brief term In
the United States Senate, and his un
timely death is universally regretted
as that of a forceful young man to
whom many years of life were still
rightfully due.
The sinking by collision in Japanese
waters of the coasting vessel Mutsu
Maru records a tale of the sea, the
shocking incidents of which are as old
as the history of navigation. One
shipwreck is more horrible than an
other only in proportion to the num
ber of human lives that are lost. In
this case the number-was large and
the suffering and loss correspondingly
great. The story Is thus briefly told:
"The captain of the ship, a majority
of her 2 44 passengers and 43 of her
crew perished." Shuddering imagina
tion can readily supply all details of a
disaster so familiar to the civilized
world. '
The Secretary of State will this
week begin mailing to registered vot
ers printed copies of the bills and con
stitutional amendments upon which
the people will vote in June. Read
your copy and then be careful to save
It for reference. Tou won't get a full
understanding of the measures, at one
reading. It is your duty, as a good
citizen, to study the measures until
you understand them, if possible, but
if you can't decide upon their merit
the wise course is to vote "No."
A possible situation in Oregon Is
this: A Republican majority for Sen
ator on the popular vote, yet through
local dissensions among Republicans
and splits produced by contentions
fostered and promoted by the pri
mary law, a Democratic majority In
the Legislature. Wouldn't it be mighty
interesting then to note what a Demo
cratic Legislature would do with its
opportunity?
In deciding that it has no jurisdic
tion over the high seas, the Interstate
Commerce Commission agrees with
Byron: Man's control stops with the
shore.
The Coreans in San Francisco are a
lot more bellicose than the Coreans in
Corea. But in Corea they are likely
to be interfered with by the police.
Regarding that $1000 prize essay, it
may, be remarked that a necessary
prerequisite to any second elective
term is a candidate who will run.
" Is there any Democratic candidate
for the Legislature who has failed to
give Statement No. 1 his enthusiastic
and unqualified Indorsement?
If some way might be devised to
get that San Luis Obispo team to join
the Pacific Coast League, all would be
well with Portland.
The Cannon Presidential boom
moves grandly on. He has captured
another Illinois district- That makes
two.
TAKING NOTICE: IN DIXIE L.WD.
Adverse Commeat mm to the Xtnlaa.
tion of William J. Bryaa.
Nashville (Tenn.) American. Dem.
There are certain policies advocated by
Mr. Bryan which the American cannot
indorse, and it is free to say It believes
there are men in the party whose nomina
tion would give greataV hope of success,
but if Mr. Bryan is nominated at Denver,
the American will support him to the best
of its ability.
Rrysm'a State Platform Wost Do.
Norfolk (Va.) Landmark, Dem.
Mr. Bryan's state platform won't do for
the National party. If he means to make
that chimerical railroad scheme an ulti
matum there will be interesting times in
Denverl To go along these lines means
the doom of the Democratic party, its
disintegration as the Federal party dis
integrated in the days of President Mon
roe. Votera Won't Follow Party Whip.
-Nashville (Tenn. Banner. Dem.
An increasing number of voters care no
more for the crack of a party whip than
the pop of a firecracker. While the mass
in any party is expected to follow its
leadership by force of habit, and often not
without a sense of duty and devotion, the
number of people who are free from party
constraint is increased, and this spirit
of Independence Is a silent factor not sus
ceptible of definite calculation, yet it may
be capable of effecting definite results. ,
Predlria Black Eye for Bryan.
Richmond (Va.) Times-Dispatch, Dem.
In -Minnesota in 1892, Harrison's plural
ity over Cleveland was 21 .90S; in 1900. Mc
Klnley's plurality over Bryan was 77.W.
Bryan lost both North and South Dakota
by a considerable majority, while in 1892
Cleveland got one electoral vote in North
Dakota. Tom Johnson could doubtless
carry his own state which is more than
Mr. Bryan did in 1900 and he would have
a fighting chance In every doubtful state
carried by Cleveland In 1892, while Bryan
would have no chance whatever in New
York, New Jersey. Delaware or Connecti
cut, and his chances would be very slim
in' Illinois, Indiana or West Virginia.
Break From Machine Democracy.
Tampa (Fla.) Tribune, Dem.
This Kentucky story bears a moral
which should be taken to heart by the
politicians in every Southern state. It is
the handwriting on the wall to those who
depend for success upon the machines
they have constructed for their selfish
purposes. The people will nqt tolerate the
existence oi these enemies to real nomoc
racy, whose best guarantee is that the
popular vote may be cast and counted
without undue Influence, without the
shadow of restraint, and with that per
fect freedom which Is the chle.f glory
of those who understand the sacredness
of the franchise In America.
Bryan Spilt ''Solid South- Vote.
Charleston (S. C.) News and Courier,
Dem.
With" Mr. Bryan as the candidate of the
party he could not count safely upon more
than 120 votes In the electoral college. He
has killed his own chances In the state of
Kentucky with Hs 13 electoral votes,
in Missouri with 18 votes, in Maryland
with eight votes, and would thus lack' 39
electoral vote ot carrying even the
states of the so-called B solid South. He
could not count on the "electoral vote of
a single state outside of the South, and he
would almost certainly lose the states of
Kentucky. Maryland and -Missouri. Tet
he is beating the woods all over the coun
try for himself and his nomination. .He
can't be President himself, and he will
not allow any other Democrat to be -President
If he can help it.
SOOTHI.XG-SYRVP FOR DEMOCRACY
Ex-Preldent Cleveland Favors Re
turn to Safer, Conservative Patba.
Letter in the New York World.
I, have received your letter asking me
to make a response to the following ques
tion: "What Is the best prlnclpleXand
what the best policy to give the Demo
cratic party new lifer
As a general proposition I might ans
wer this question by saj'ing that in .my
opinion this could be most surely brotight
about by a return to genuine Democratic
doctrine., and a close adherence to the
Democratic policies which in times past
gave our party success and benefited our
people.
To be more specific In ,my reply, I
should say that more than ever Just at
this time the Democratic party should
display honest and sincere conservatism.
a regard for constitutional limitations and
a determination not to be swept from our
moorings by temporary clamor or spec
tacular exploitation.
Our people need rest and peace and
reassurance; and it will be quite in line
with true Democracy and successful
policy to impress upon our fellow-country
men the fact that Democracy still stands
for those things.
GROVER CLEVELAND.
Princeton, N. J., March 14.
New York Frees.
Bulnes and the Forelsra Trade.
Springfield (Mass.) Republican.
One of the consequences of the business
depression is the placing of the country
in a decidedly stronger position in rela
tion to the foreign trade. Progress In
this direction is made -rather strikingly
manifest by the February statement of
exports and imports, as will, appear from
the following comparisons of the mer
chandise movement for the month in
question:
Exports. Imports Excess- exp.
1908 ....17,98T,762 $79,124,401 XX8.743.361
1907 .... 1(19,517,221 123.flOS.S3 3K.Sll.ti.1S
1906 .... 141,766.658 104.232.879 37.M3.679
19u5 1O6.870.7S2 103.084.413 3.786.3K9
lo .. 118.800.2S2 89.022.500 . 777. 782
19(iS 125.586.024 82.682.246 42.983.778
1902 101.O69.S9B 6S.350.459 33.219.2S9
The result of lower prices and liqui
dating tendencies In the home market is
an advance of exports to the largest
volume ever known for the season, and
a decided slump In the volume of im
ports.
Cnrreaey System as Promoter of Panics
San Francisco Chronicle.
It is not possible for'one man or group
of men either to create a panic or stop
It. There has never yet been a long
period of such prosperity as we recently
were 'enjoying which did not close up
with a panic and depression. While hu
man nature remains what It Is there
will never be a great expansion without
a break at the end. The wonder was
that it did not come before, for the
adaptation of our currency system to
the production of panics and depression
is positively unique. There was never
such another, nor Is there a probability
that any other people will be such fools
as to Imitate us. The best monetary
system cannot prevent panics, but a good
monetary system can make them less
frequent and severe.
Bowwow and the Burglar.
(Five Belgian police dog-are doing patrol
duty in New York City.j
Harpers.
With each toot in a rubber-soled boot
Once a burglar went out after loot.
Drills and Jimmies he lugged.
And a tomcat he hugged
'Neath the coat of hi hand-me-down suit.
A police dog imported from Ghent
In pursuit of the bold burglar went.
And he gave a loud yelp.
Meaning. "Here he Is. help!"
Just as soon as his miae struct: the scent.
Did the burglar get limp a a rag.
And resort to revolver and gag?
No; he merely hissed "Seat!"
To his big Thomas cat.
And then C00II3- walked off with the swag.
When the roundsman rushed ux. in fierce
glee
Not a trace of the thief could he see.
But the four-legged "cop."
Near the burglarized shop.
Had -the big Thomas cat up a treel
S
OSLY KI.VD OF AX ARMOR BELT.
For Vnrle Sam's . Waraata, Shown to
Be Self-adjustinc Antomatle Oae.
Park Benjamin, in the New York Eve
ning Post.
To inquiring lay minds seeking to ex
tract something intelligible from the Senate-Navy
Investigation, the following, so
far made plain, may be submitted:
First The more weight there is In a
ship, the deeper she sits In the water.
Second The deeper 6he sits in the
water, the more her armor belt becomes
submerged.
Third Ships should not go out to battle
without plenty of coal; otherwise, after
the fight they may not be able to chase
or run away as the case may be.
Four Having on board, say, 3000 tons
of coal, which she begins to use up im
mediately on leaving port, the ship, at
first deep in the water, gets hiarher and
higher, thus exposing more and more of
her armor belt above the surface. At
2000 tons she has a certain flotation line,
at 1900 tons another, at 1800 tons another.
at 1700 tons another, and so on: and. of
course, a different and progressively less
amount of belt submergence In each in
stance. Five At some particular moment she is
at best fighting trim that Is, the belt is
just right with respect to the waterline
neither too high nor too low.
Six If the enemy would considerately
arrive and join action Just at that mo
ment, thnt would be most desirable.
Seven But he Drobably won t. In fact.
nobody knows at what precise Instant of
coal depletion or. In other words, how
long after the ship has left port he will
appear. Therefore, nobody knows at
what precise flotation line the snip will
be when the fight starts. Therefore, no
body knows how to place an armor belt
on a battleship so as certainly and 1n
falllbly to have it exactly at the right
submersion at whatever unknown instant
the battle may begin.
Eight Nothing . but a self-adjusting
automatic, independently floating belt
that is, a belt sensitive to weight varia
tions and capable, with more than human
IntelliKence, of putting itself at all times
just where It is wanted seems capable
of meeting the problem.
Nine Persons In the Navy inventing a
wav to ret over the trouble will be dls.
ciplined for needlessly annoying Mr.
Capps. All others will be snubbed, their
ideas confiscated, without pay, and their
plaints relegated to the Court of Claims.
COST IX EDUCATING PHYSICIANS.
Outray of 9.10.000 Before Medico Is Self
Supporting In I. a rare City.
Figures Just collected here for the first
time, as a result of various suggestions
recently made In several states for the
regulation of physicians' fees, yield
some surprising information in relation
to the cost of a medical education. As
shown by the compilation in the current
number of Appleton's Magazine of ans
wers to questions circulated to more than
6000 doctors throughout the country. It
appears that the surprising sum of $30,000
represents the outlay necessary before
the physician who settles in the largest
city can become self-supp6rting. In the
country the' outlay is placed at about
111.000. The average age at which the
doctor may expect to become self-sup
porting Is placed at SI
As a result of the greatly Increased
cost of establishing a practice in a large
city, because of the highly increased cost
of living, a serious question is raised as
to the ability of such communities to
continue to attract the ablest medical
talent. As a result of the statistics pre
sented the conclusion is reached tmit
the medical profession is from a pecunl
ary standpoint the. most expensive to pre.
pare for and the least lucrative of any
open to young men today. In connection
with this point it is stated on high
authority that out of more than 12.000
doctors now practising in this city not
1 .per cent could retire and live for a
year. While many physicians in all
parts of the country might welcome a
regulation of fees could a practicable
method be hit upon, the consensus of
opinion as expressed in the .Appleton
article Is that this Is impossible. Any
system of regulation which would have
to be based on a commercial standard
would inevitably result- in raising the
present scale of charges.
Yale's Wooden Spoon.
Hartford Courant.
For many years, down to 1S72. the
wooden spoon was the most coveted hon
or of a Yale course. It did not neces
sarily indicate the highest scholarship,
but It was voted by the graduating class
to the fellow whom they thought the
most of. It was the stamp of personal
popularity. The "spoon man" of a class
was its hero. The other boys loved him
and he was almost invariably a person
who Justified that affection. The list of
spoon men would include ssome of the
most eminent of Yale graduates. There
were nine members of each class select
ed by their classmates, and these were
known as "cocks," which is short and
English for "cochleaureati." One of these
nine was awarded the spoon, and they
all joined in a public performance galled
tne wooaen spoon exnioition, at wnicn
the ceremony of presentation was gone
through with with all the wit that a col
lege class could muster, which means
that It was always a most enjoyable en
tertainment. The last spoon man was
Robert B. Lea. of Nashville, Tenn., of
the class of 1871. He died some years
ago at .farie.
Democracy's One Hope Is Johnson.
New York World. Dem.
Theodore Roosevelt will not only con
trol the next Republican convention, but
he will manage the next Republican cam
paign. One of his fondest political de
sires Is the nomination of Mr. Bryan at
Denver.
Any Democrat who thinks his partv can
act on the offensive with Mr. Bryan as Its
candidate is living In a fool's paradise.
The Republicans will fight the campaign
on their own ground, and Mr. Bryan's
political vagaries and follies will provide
them with all the Issues they need.
The only hope of the Democrats In the
coming campaign lies in the nomination
of a candidate like John A. Johnson,
whose life-history will appeal to the im
agination of everybody, who has no
record of defeat and disaster to explain
away, who has nothing to defend, who
has not been Identified with the old ven
dettas of his party and who has demon.
etrated his ability to get votes.
To nominate Mr. Bryan Is to throw
away the election in advance.
Message of the Mnale.
Frank L. Stanton in Uncle Remus' Magazine.
What's that the fiddle's sayin', which the
others never hear?
Somethln' that's a-hoverin' betwixt a amlte
an tear
Somethin' of the past time the shadow an'
the beam
An' I hear ,lt for the last time In a dream
in a aream:
"The old lads are weary
Youth must have a chance;
Too old to dance now
Too old to dance t"
On merry"nlghts I hear it from my chim
ney corner place:
Rosy cheeks u-oun' me, with the dimples
In a rai
race .
An' I seem to feel their freshness-
breath
of golden curls.
A - movin' to the music they swing the
sweetneart girls:
"The old lads are lonesome
Youth must have a chance
Too old to dance now
Too old to dance!"
That's how the fiddle' singin' in a tune to
them unknown
A sort of farewell message to th heart of
me alone! '
"You've reaped the youth-time rose:
you've had your day and time;
The twilight round you close, where bell
of Mem ry chime
"The old lads are lonesome .
Youth must have a chance;
Too old to dance now
Too old to danc!
SILHOUETTES
BY ARTHUR A GREENE.
Silence is golden. That's the reason
Jawing matches don't pan out.
The two meanest words in the language
are "if" and "but."
Repentance may sometimes come at
the eleventh hour, but as a Tule, 4t ar
rives in the cold gray dawn of the morn
ing after.
, e
Treason to one's country is a lesser
crime than treason to one s conscience.
Mere friendship seems dull to one who
has known love.
Why.
Why must the babies grow up so fast?
Why is it happiness cannot last?
Why cannot fairy tales come true?
Why are not the skies not always blue?
Why is it mothers so soon grow old?
Why is this cruel old world so cold?
Jt is respectfully submitted to the -Se
attle Times that the name of that town
be changed to Blethenville.
There will be fewer arrests for vagrancy
In the next few months. The professional
baseball players have gone to work.
Tm surprised that someone hasn't re
ferred to James Hamilton Lewis as a
male Fluffy Ruffles.
There Is no chance for Happiness to
enter when that gaunt and hungry watch
dog Selfishness stands snarling at the
gate.
e
The posters that have been huns' up
around town, showing Jim Corbett in
evening clothes Indicate that the ex-chani-
pion is still a "gent."
Tlie Valiant Cop.
Oft in the stilly night ,
How doth the bus?y burglar come
To fright the timid household
And steal the plated plate.
How oft thereafter comes the sluggish
cop.
His tardy purpose fell designs to stop.
He hears the outcries and doth fearfully
approach
To catch the outlaw always 20 minutes
late. .
But if there be a tender kid' "
Out after hours, or a lowly peanut, man
Who has no license to pursue his trade.
The cop, with glee, leaves off the rushing
of the can.
- To bear a part in such a valiant raid.
Honesty has become so rare that its
very novelty begins to appeal' to us.
Battleships seem to go out of fashion
almost as fast as wojnen's hats.
A Telephone Girl's Romance.
Conscientious Carrie always tried to. do
her best;
Never lost her temper, she was different
from the rest.
Carrie was a "central" with a voice of
sweetest tone.
And that is why Miss Carrie won a happy
little home.
In the midst of happy dreams 'One may
always be sure' that grim-visaged old
Fate Is winding the alarm clock.
. 1.
Many a man affects a military stride
who belongs only to the army of the un
employed. An impure soul, even though it inhabit
a well-dressed body, is as ostensible as
a dead rat in a palace.
Naked truth invariably offends moral
prudes.
v
The proper pronunciation of papa de
pends on whether the old man has an
Income or works for wages.
Prosecution and persecution are syn
onomou's if it is your friend that is be
ing tried.
A book of phylosophy in the hands of a
fool Is as dangerous- as a loaded gun in
the hands of a woman.
FRIIT DISPLAY ON WHEELS.
Lecture Train Runs This Week Over
Inland-Coeur d'Alrne Divisions.
Colfax Gazette.
March 36, 27 and 28 the Inland Empire
system plans to run a fruitgrowers' spe
cial demonstration and lecture train over
the Inland and Coeur d'Alene divisions.
The object of this special train is to en
courage the growing of more fruit, to
arouse the fruitgrowers' interest in how
to preserve the orchards they now have
and how best to market their product.
This special will arrive in Colfax at 7
P. M., Thursday. March 26, and the meet
ing will be held at 8 P. M., under the
auspices of the Commercial Club.
The "Fruitgrowers' Special" will carry
Professor W. S. Thornber. who will tell
"How to Make the Orchard Bear."
Professor A. L. Melander, who will tell
"How to Save the Orchard."
C. D. Smith, who will tell of the "Com
mercial Side of Fruitgrowing."
F. L. Clark. Jr., who will tell "How to
Ship the Best."
John S. Hughes, who will tell "How to
Can the Best."
In addition the special will bring offi
cials of the Inland Empire system, prom
inent men who are engaged in horti
cultural work, and others.
Friday morning, March 27, the special
will leave Colfax and will arrive at and
depart from the towns in the Palouse as
below given, stops being made -and
speeches delivered by the gentlemen
above named:
Depart I Arrive
Colfax ... 8:00 a. m.;Stfptoe ... S:3."a. m.
Hteploe .. 9:00 a. m. Thornton 0:0 a.m.
Thornton . 1 0:OO a. m. Rof alia ...10:-I5am
Rosalia .. .12:18 p. m.Sp g Valley 12:30 p'. m.
Ppg Valley.l:O0 p. m., Fairbanks. . 1:15 p.m.
Fairbanks . 1 :30p. m.IOakcsdale.. 1 :30 p. m.
Oakesdale.. 3:00 p. m. Garfield ... 3:30 p. m
Garfield .. 5:00 p. m.lPalouse ... 5:30 p.m.
Friday night will be spent at Paloupe,
where a meeting will be held at $ o'clock.
Saturday morning the train will leave
for Spokane, stopping at Waverly and a
few other places en route, and then pro
ceed over the Coeur d'Alene branch to
Coeur d'Alene, stopping at all way sta
tions. So fa'r as we are aware, this- is the first
time any railroad has run a special dem
onstration train in the interests solely
of the fruitgrower. It Is a horticultural
institute on wheels, and we hope our
readers will show their appreciation by
being present In large numbers.
The Colored Brother and His Friend.
Louhsville Courier-Journal.
- President Roosevelt has been much
more sincerely the friend of the negro
than Mr. Foraker, who would use him
for political purposes, and the ingrati
tude of the negroes who have gone over
to their enemy and deserted their friend
has been as the serpent's tooth to th
Administration.