OCTOBER 14, 2016, KEIZERTIMES, PAGE A9
LIGHT,
continued from Page A1
PURPLE
Name:
Jayson.
Age:
13.
Method:
Gunshot.
Relationship: Replacement.
My age: 25.
Lessons learned:
Before I even knew
that suicide was an option,
my maternal grandparents
disowned my family. My
grandmother, who babysat my
sister and I since we were born,
went out and found another
family with a son and daughter
to babysit. Jayson became my
stand-in. When the family
fi nally reunited, I would end
up in the same room as Jayson
from time to time. I hated it. I
hated him. When I was asked
to babysit him once when I
was 16, I reluctantly accepted
and I hated that even more.
My grandmother died
several months before Jayson
took a gun out his father’s
gun cabinet and paired them
with bullets he’d gotten from
a friend at school. He retreated
to his bedroom and left his
We are
Everything
Except
Overpriced
body for his younger sister to
discover.
Jayson left me with a
question: Would I trade all
the time I got back with
my grandparents for his life?
His fi nal lesson was and is
decimating: My inability to
answer makes me so much
weaker than him.
GREEN
Name: Eric A. Howald.
Age: 40. Method: Depends
on the day/hour/minute.
Relationship: Strained at best,
tenuous at worst.
Lessons learned:
There was a gag used
by almost every cartoon
character I ever saw as a child.
Some
anthropomorphized
duck, coyote or cat would end
up plugging holes in a dam
with its fi ngers and toes. They
tried to keep up, but they
inevitably ran out of things to
stuff in the holes. Finally, they
pull out all their digits, give
an apologetic look toward the
camera and let the water rush
over them, taking with it the
burden of caring.
That’s how it feels to be
suicidal.
Aside from counselors,
people’s responses to my
attempts to talk about how I
feel fall into three frustratingly
neat categories: judging me,
pitying me or trying to talk
me down. I will tell you
from experience that none of
these is helpful, and all for the
same reason: they add to the
burden, real or self-imposed,
felt by the individual.
It’s why I decided to
volunteer
at
American
Foundation
for
Suicide
Prevention’s Out of the
Darkness Walk in Salem,
organized by Keizerite Shawn
Lott, Saturday, Oct. 8.
I interviewed Shawn about
the walk, and her son’s suicide,
almost a month before it took
place. Mostly, we listened to
each other as we both tried
to talk about this diffi cult
subject. Prior to that night, I
was not one who thought of
these types of events with any
great regard. The frequency
with which they happen has
dulled their luster. It’s good
cardio, perhaps, but it’s easy
to lose the point beyond
raising money for seemingly
unsolvable problems. But the
more I listened, the more I
realized Shawn was creating a
safe space not only for those
who have lost someone to
suicide, but for those of us
that struggle. I wanted to
know what that felt like, I
wanted to be part of making
it happen. I knew I was going
to volunteer before she left
the offi ce that night, but I
didn’t work up the guts to tell
her (or my wife) until almost
a week later.
I arrived at 7 a.m. on
Saturday and, within 20
minutes, I met another
volunteer, James Lutz, and
we spent the entire morning
in close orbit. We set up tents
and chairs, marked off the
walking path with signs and
tried to fi nd other places
to insert ourselves for the
common good. We shared
what brought us there on the
most perfect of early autumn
mornings.
Prior to the walk, the
organizers held an “honor
bead” ceremony asking those
of us in attendance to hold
up the beads we’d collected
earlier in the day, each color
was given its own moment.
One of the fi rst to hold up
his hand was a man, Rodrigo,
standing just behind me. His
strand was gold, signifying the
loss of a spouse or partner.
In the moment, emotion
was overcoming him and I
stepped back to put my arm
around him. We hugged and
introduced ourselves after the
ceremony and then he headed
out on the walk.
Since James and I had
already done most of the
walk, I stayed behind and
picked up a surprisingly small
amount of trash. More than
2,700 people participated.
More than $96,000 was raised
to continue research and,
I hope, continue the work
of removing the stigma of
suicide in our society. But as
the end neared, I still felt like
I was waiting for some sort
of deeper meaning to reveal
itself.
I was sitting in the
amphitheater area as walkers
returned when I started
counting kids. Kids who were
there with their families taking
part in an extraordinarily
public way to change the
conversation around suicide.
Kids who were my age and
younger when I fi rst learned
what suicide was and not to
talk about it. Kids who will
grow up knowing it is okay
to talk about suicide and
mental health, and know they
are problems to be faced, not
feared. And then I realized my
daughter didn’t even know
where I was when she woke
up that morning.
My wife and I changed that
with a long talk and a lot of
tears when I got home. She’s
already said she would like to
volunteer with me next year.
I wish I could say that
this is the end for me, that
everything was wrapped
up and healed in the course
of a long morning, but I’ve
struggled long enough to
know that it isn’t over. It’s not
over for all the others who
wore green beads during the
walk either.
I don’t have the words to
make it better for anyone
beyond letting them know I
understand the struggle, but I
do have some advice based in
experience:
In my darkest moments
– the time when I cracked
open Choice’s door, the
ones when I feel like I can’t
even love myself enough to
want to stay, the ones when
the psychological toll seems
never-ending, and in the
moments of suffocating guilt
over the role I could have had
in helping a 13-year-old boy
fi nd a way to carry on – the
thing that’s pulled me back
from the brink was fi nding
someone who would just
listen.
Listen without judgement.
Listen without waiting to
talk.
Listen without fear.
That’s a monumental
request to make of even our
closest friends, but it can start
so simply. Take time to be
with them. If they need to,
they will talk, then all you
have to do is listen.
It sounds trite and obvious,
but it can and has saved a life.
Including my own.
If you or someone you know
is struggling, visit www.afsp.org
for more information. If you are
in a crisis, please call the Nation-
al Suicide Prevention Hotline,
1-800-273-8255 (it’s going to
be hard, but I’ve done it).
Competition will pit ROTC
against local fi rst responders
Simple
Cremation
$795
Chemeketa
Community
College’s Veterans’ Services
unit and the Chemeketa Foun-
dation will host the ROTC/
JROTC Physical Training
Championships on Nov. 5.
The event will be located at
the Brooks Regional Training
Center, 4910 Brooklake Road
Inexpensive Burial
and Funeral Options
Pre-Planning Available
N.E. The championships will
run from 8 a.m. to noon.
Up to 400 different units
will be competing, which will
include ROTC, JROTC, po-
lice, fi re fi ghting, correctional,
emergency services, active
duty, reserve, national guard,
and Veteran programs. Keizer’s
police department and fi re dis-
trict have been invited to the
event.
The competition will pres-
ent challenges such as push-
ups, sit-ups, pull-ups, a 300
meter dash, and a two mile run.
There will be team divisions as
well as individual awards.
On-Site Crematory
Award-Winning
4365 RIVER RD N, KEIZER
503.393.7037
Se habla español
Authentic American BBQ
Now 2 Locations
1210 State Street
503-362-2194
2505 Liberty St NE
503-689-1082
Member spotlight
SCORE
For the life of your business—
Now taking applications for fl oat entries for the 2016 Keizer
Holiday Lights Parade, Saturday, Dec. 10
Email info@keizerchamber.com for a form.
Sponsored by Bonaventure Senior Living
• Caramel Apples • Squash
SCORE (Service Corp of Retired Executives)
Mal Bellafronto,
Certifi ed Counselor
mjbellafronto@comcast.net
503-804-9654
Salem.Score.org
• Apples • Pears • Apple Cider •
E.Z. Orchards
HarvestFest
October 1st – 31st
• Pumpkin Patch • Corn Maze • Hay Rides
• Petting Zoo • Pony Rides • Face Painting • Live Music*
• Pedal Tractors • Duck Races • and More!
*For more information go to
ezorchards.com/harvest-festival
for a full list of daily activities
and availabilities*
Apple Cider & Pumpkin Donuts •
Every year SCORE volunteers help thousands of entrepreneurs
start small businesses and achieve new levels of success in their
existing businesses. The Keizer Chamber of Commerce is pleased
to welcome SCORE to our list of new members.
SCORE is a national non-profi t group of over 11,000 volunteer
business professionals in over 300 chapters in every state. In Or-
egon SCORE is mentoring small business owners in eight counties.
SCORE’s mission is to foster vibrant business communities through
individual mentoring, workshops, seminars and other opportunities.
Mal Bellafronto, a SCORE Certifi ed Counselor received his BS
from the US Naval Academy and his MBA from St. Mary’s College.
Mr. Bellafronto is familiar with the corporate world, and later as the
owner and operator of a restaurant and deli. Mr. Bellafronto is a fa-
ther of two grown sons and resides in Albany.
In partnership with the Small Business Administration, SCORE’s
vision is that every person—either already owning or aspiring to own
a business—has the support necessary to thrive in that endeavor.
As volunteers, all of the services, either in person or on-line are pro-
vided free of any charge. There are no expectations and no sales
pitches with SCORE. They conduct themselves with a strict code of
ethics and work to help you prosper.
If you are a small business owner looking for a personal advisor, or
a retired business professional wanting to share knowledge and time
to help fl edgling business, SCORE will work for you. Please call Mr.
Bellafronto, he will be supportive and glad to help. We at the Keizer
Chamber of Commerce are glad to have met him and are pleased to
learn more about SCORE.
Mon – Fri: 9 am to 6 pm
Sat: 10 am to 5pm, Sun: 11am to 5pm
At corner of
Cordon &
Hazel Green
Roads
6075 Ulali Dr. N.E. Suite 102 | 503-393-9111 | keizerchamber.com
Ad space donated by the Keizertimes
ezorchards.com • 503-393-1506 • Facebook.com/ezorchards